Some wonder what a player by the poncy name of Marquis de Snot is doing among the rough, tough, and decidedly mouldy Dead Man’s Hand posse of undead outlaws. They might also wonder why he smells slightly more of elderberries than his team-mates, or why a skeleton wears eyeliner and lipstick.

The truth is, Marquis de Snot used to be an elf. Specifically a high elf belonging to Tribble’s Excellences. With an impeccable taste for the latest couture, he wore the best skirts with the clearest shining golden threads. If ever he managed to find a spot of sweat or dirt on his body, immediately he drenched himself in an aerosol of perfumes. One early evening, the Marquis talked with some fellow nobles about the thrilling art of blood bowling, assuring each it was the latest, and the fanciest, way of spending an afternoon. After a full morning of training, tossing a cushion between each other pretending it was a ball, Marquis de Snot felt ready. Joining Excellences, he insisted that as his social standing was so high he wanted to be in the first line, where the most honour was. The princes, princesses and all the other High Elves let him. His career for that team was fast and unremarkable, particularly since he got killed. He was recruited by DMH during a tense 1-1 draw in Season 10.

Team necromancer Doomy, angered by his complete inability to defeat Tribble on the field, has corrupted the Marquis into the antithesis of all things elven. He never touches the ball and hardly ever dodges. The most agile thing he does is jump on fallen opponents’ heads, and he has helped his team to success in Dirty Git contests around the OCC.

Long practice kicking heads has recently seen him transfer this skill to the ball, which he can also hoof with remarkable accuracy in his oversized spiked iron boots.

Career Stats:

Matches: 25
MVP: 4
TDs: 0
Passes: 0
Catches: 0
Interceptions: 0
Casualties inflicted (Blocking): 0[/quote]

Oh yes. It is that time of the month again!

Here are some stories about what has been happening in MD2 and MD3

Enjoy, and don’t forget to comment!

S13E2

You might therefore assume he would be at ease with technology and blessed with superb hand/eye coordination, but sadly nothing could be further from the truth.

A recent outing for his necromantic team Awkward Paws saw him royally fuck up by sending a zombie to blitz – and GFI in a blizzard – with predictable results. All the while his perfectly good wight looked on in despair, wondering why he hadn’t been tasked with this vital blitz.

Dode whined afterwards: “That was a misclick. I intended to use the Wight which would have had no GFIs required and would have been 2d with block. My drive fell apart with this misclick.”

A pal said: “Dode had a choice of two things to click on. That’s quite easy to get wrong when you think about it. Certainly it’s harder than low-altitude night flying through hostile airspace. Apparently.”

Recent photo of Dode:

One of these takes years of intense training to use properly. The other one is a helicopter.

2b – Redead Redemption (dainjon) vs Scorched Bears (dwarf)

5 rerolls on the dwarf team promises some crazy moves! Necros get to receive, and wisely target a lv6 dwarf with a niggle, smashing his hip, and then foul off an unskilled linedwarf (since there’s only one extra dwarf on the bench). But then, Necro hurt their less-skilled Wolf on a dodge, and leave their ball-carrying Ghoul open to a blitz! They get to score regardless, because there’s just too few dwarves. On their receive, dwarves KO two of the LOS zombies right away (and then reroll a push result on the last zombie into a bothdown result, yet still choose the push, obviously trying to psych everyone out). Necro KO the +MA Runner who ran in as a receiving threat, leaving 8 dwarves on the pitch, and seem content to stand back and take their one blitz per turn… Until the dwarves’ star Runner (Dontgofforit) attempts a GFI and fails, allowing Necro an easy pick-up, and so they just keep the ball away from the dwarves for the rest of the drive. Second half, with 9 dwarves on the pitch and a very deep kick, things look pretty clear-cut… until dwarves do a crazy long pass to their +AG blodge Blocker, prompting Necros to attempt a double-GFI to one-die blitz him with a wolf… leading to a KOed Wolf. After dwarves score, Necro still have 5 turns to score back, with a full pitch against just 9 dwarves. And there just aren’t enough of them to block the forward progress, even without any Wolves on the pitch! And, at the end, there’s a dead dwarf BUT WAIT WHAT IS THIS? Oh, it’s just Necro leaving their Ghoul within dodge+blitz distance of the ST4 AG5 star Runner, who does just that and stuns the Ghoul and grabs the ball, standing mockingly in his own end zone with it! Then Necro choose the least likely plan to succeed, and try a 2d-against blitz, but of course that fails to take the Runner down, and he is just pushed out of the end zone (while Necros could have totally done the same to push him out of the pitch, to have a chance at still scoring with the throw-in). So, Necros had all the tools they needed, but then gave up the score at the end and… I don’t… I just don’t know, man. I think we have a beard sympathizer here.

2d – Necromaniacs (geiger) vs Baalz Rotten Ballz (nurgle)

Necro come in with a Wizard, and soon after kicking take a silly risk on a blitz where only Foul Appearance saves their killer Wolf from frenzying into a 2d-against block! They nevertheless keep getting players KOed from the pitch, but at least their blodge Golem manages to keep the Beast busy near one edge. But then, one Nurgle GFI too far gives Necros a solid opportunity to blitz the lone ball-carrying Beast… only for their AG4 Wight to totally fail on his dodge. Nurgle stall until turn 8, then score, and Necros don’t even bother to try a risky one-turner without rerolls. Second half, Necro have gotten all their players back again, and start off strong, KOing one Rotter and killing another at the LOS, but leave an incredibly clear opening for an AG4 Pest to dodge into their half through, injuring the ball-carrying AG4 Wight off. Necro retaliate by KOing him, then try to run up the other side, ball on their unskilled Wolf, and mark every player, but the nearby Nurgle Beast is easy to blitz free and in range to tie the Wolf up, and… he goes stupid, because there’s no-one nearby telling him what to do! Necro score on turn 13, and only face 9 players… And then they get a Blitz, KOing one more off. Nurgle hand the ball to their ST5 Warrior to keep it at least a little safe, but wizard takes him down, only for the ball to scatter onto another Warrior. Wolf takes the Warrior down, but now the ball bounces onto a Zombie, who just got up this turn, and is now stuck next to the Warriors… But Necro manage to clear a route for him, and with 2 turns left to score, GFI to hand-off to a Wight who gets within spitting distance of the goal. Nurgle don’t trust their dodging for blitzing purposes, so when it actually ends up working, they just end up marking the ball-carrier and his entourage with lone Pests… who are easy to knock out of the way, and Necro score the winning TD on the last turn!

3c – Return of the Blacksouls (ithtorukk) vs Another Bad Idea (orc)

Orcs load the line with all of their big guys, while their KOR Thrower catches the ball. Everyone clumps up in the middle, and Necros choose to drop a fireball onto the cage, only they do so at the start of the orc turn… which should mean they all just get back up and pick up the ball again, BUT they rather choose to bothdown with their Troll before doing any of that! Necro blitz the only standing orc near the ball, making the ball bounce into the hands of a Zombie who is stuck next to the Troll and the ST4 Blitzer – what makes this sting is that if they had just blitzed with their prone Wolf from the other direction, they could have cleared the way for a Ghoul pick-up and pass, rather than risk something exactly like this happening! So, Orcs naturally take the Zombie down, and have the ball on their Thrower again. Necro are able to blitz the ball down with their ST4 Ghoul, and orcs settle for crowding around the ball heavily this turn. But then, early next turn, orcs quadruple skull before moving a totally free player within scoring distance, and so no-one scores this half. Second half, Orcs keep the majority of their players way back, fearing a quick TD, which should mean Necros are able to take things slow and patiently and create an opening… But they rather send one Wolf alone right next to the MB+PO blorc down one side, and he gets KOed instantly. Perhaps he was a decoy, getting that blorc way to the other side of the pitch, so the other Necro can run down the other flank easier? An interesting gamble… Except for the orcs being able to surround the cage with their (frankly, quite marvelous) Blitzers, while Necro heavy hitters are stuck at LOS. Necro are unable to get all the orcs off, but though the Orcs keep punching the ball-Ghoul with 2d Tacklers, nothing comes of it. Necro do a desperate bit of play as their Ghoul dodges away from the tacklers to pass to an open Wight, who runs into the orc half, out of the reach of everyone! Now, Necro should stall for as long as they can feel safe… but instead, they score right away with the Wight, leaving orcs 4 turns to equalize. Orcs load the front heavily, and Necro kick to the farthest corner, but leave their flanks totally open, allowing Orcs to swarm the Necro half with potential receivers, and after they lose a Ghoul and a Wolf, there’s nothing keeping the orcs from just stalling out a 1-1 draw. Yet another draw that a bit more stalling could have turned into a win!

3c – Waynes Underworld (jimmyc) vs Sons of Skourj (woodie)

Elves come with a wizard, and choose to receive, making a side-cage, but their Sidestep doesn’t help when a MB Wight Groin Strains the front-most AG6 Dancer off! So elves push him away with their ST4 lineman and score. On Necro drive, the very first block kills a Loner line-elf, and though they make a very fireballable cage at the LOS, the elves rather lose a player trying to foul the wolf after he piled on, and another two drop to a CASes from the MB Wights right after. Turn 4, and already there’s 6 elves left in the game… oh wait, 5, after a Catcher sidesteps next to the ball-carrier inside the cage, so their only option, naturally, is to foul him off. Necro score, after a respectable attempt to hand the ball to the newbie Golem. Facing all of 4 elves in the second half, 3 of them stuck on the LOS, things seem easy, especially with the kick falling off pitch, meaning Necros can hand the ball right away to the Golem, while they KO the Dancer… So, because they didn’t choose to protect the Golem much, elves zap the Golem down on their turn, then make dodges and get the ball, and sprint into their half… only the Catcher doing so has gotten MA-broken twice already, so he’s not getting too far. They get him down, but he steals the ball back by Stripping, and then Necros refuse to use their own Stripper, and just rather push the Catcher closer to the score. Wow. So, with 3 elves remaining on the pitch, elves score on turn 12, going 2-1 in the lead! In revenge, Necros KILL that Catcher on the LOS, then fail to hand-off the ball to a wolf in scoring range the next turn, but as the remaining Dancer tries to get there, she fails a dodge and DIES. After scoring, Necros are left to face an elven offensive consisting of their ST4 lineman and the tree, and elves just grab the ball and stay within range, rather than playing for a draw by trying to toss the ball deep into the Necro half, surely better odds than the elf staying upright. And Necros prove this right, giving the ST4 lineman a ST-break as their final deed of the night! Then they walk the score in, and win with 3-2, having utterly destroyed an elf team.

4b – Graveyard Goons (xanderv) vs Repeated Offenders (undead)

Goons get a Wizard and Babes, and the MB Wolves certainly have their work cut out for them, with a ST5 Wight bolstering up the Undead side! Following a fumbled pick-up, Necro swarm their half with all their players, leaving the pitch open for Undead hand-off/pass to move the ball 20 squares in one turn, with no players in range to threaten the AG4 Wight, so they can wait out a turn before scoring. After the score, Necro try to take out a Mummy early, with MB, Claw and foul, but get nowhere… however, after Undead mark their players, Necro hurt the ST5 Wight off! Undead respond by fouling the +AG Wolf KOed, seeing how he was left exposed… And then an early double-skulls tries to warn Necro, but they carry on ahead blocking (rather than moving their ball-carrier to safety first), until another double-skulls hurts their own Wight off, and leaves the Ghoul with the ball right next to the opponent’s players, well in Necros’ own half! So, Necro lose the ball but try to blitz the Ghoul who got it… and end with another double-skulls (as they unnecessarily used a reroll earlier to dodge away from a player they could’ve blocked away). In frustration, they waste their Wizard on just KOing the Ghoul with the ball, but that doesn’t stop the Undead from scoring. Second half, Necro luck persists, as Undead get a blitz on kick-off… But then, Necro finally manage to advance their drive in a reasonable fashion, so much so that they try to SPP farm deep in the Undead half, rather than trying to score fast to attempt to drag a draw out of this. Instead, they accept a 2-1 loss, all the while knowing that with a bit better prioritization of moves, the match could’ve been theirs!

4c – Brain Hunter (darock) vs No Hope After Dusk (nurgle)

Necro only have one Golem for this match , while Nurgle come in with Wizard, Igor and… only 2 rerolls? The kick lands short, and as Nurgle fumbles the pick-up, the ball is left very available (though right next to a bunch of Nurglers). Necros push one of them away, and manage to pick-up and dodge away with their Wolf… but then try to pass in multiple Disturbing Presence zones, rather than trying to cover the ball-carrier with their other wolf. So, a Pest easily blitz-KOs the Wolf who had the ball, and Necro are forced to dodge a Wight off to stand next to the ball… and this actually works, leading to a bothdown taking down a Rotter on the Nurgle turn, with the ball still on the ground. Necro keep on elfing stuff up with frankly unnecessary amounts of dodging and passing and dodging, still not paying any heed to Presence… but it works, and a Ghoul runs out of reach with the ball… Until the Nurgle Beast GFIs to tie him up with Tentacles! A Pest blitzes the stuck Ghoul, and they both go down, but as the Ghoul gets out of Tentacles and heads for the ball, he fails his Dodge. With 1 turn left to score, Nurgle have three Pests within reach as receivers, and there’s only 2 Wight to tie them up with.. And Necro gamble on getting their ST4 Zombie free to blitz the ball-carrier with, leading to an easy hand-off score for Nurgle. Second half, Necro get their plentiful KOs back, but an early double-skulls leaves them pretty tied up (as well as lacking in players again). Necro try to open up a path, but spending a reroll on the zombie GFI for assist, they then hurt their own skilled Wolf off on his GFI, allowing Nurgle to pick-up the ball. Nurgle then stall until the very end, totally outpowering the opposition… and they never even had to use their Wizard!

5a – Necrocracy (juriel) vs Orcward Oafs (orc)

Necro come in with Wizard and a Babe, and choose to kick, and then somehow think it’s a good idea to clump up all their players on one side of the pitch in a scrum with the orc big guys. In short order, Necro are 2 players down on the pitch, and on the wrong side of it – it’s like they’re tempting the orcs to score fast! Orcs are rushing down the other side, committing their players on marking Necro players rather than making a cage or a screen, which allows Necro to free up a Wolf, who blitzes his way next to the Thrower, though he gets blitzed off the next turn. The Thrower is within one GFI of the end zone, but chooses to stop there, which allows the Wolf to dodge and KO him, picking up the ball right after. Orcs put 3 players up in the wolf’s face, but several dodges later, the Wolf is safely screened just past the middle line! But a Goblin is able to provide an assist for an orc Blitzer to one-die blitz the Wolf… which is a skull, KOing said Blitzer. Necro blitz the gobbo until he goes down, then get in the clear. But as orcs gangfoul a Golem, Necro leave their ST4 AG4 Wolf near the orcs after a hopeful blitz on their MB/Tackler… And orcs KO him out, before Necro score on the last turn. In second half, the Wolf stays KOed, and Necro feel pressured into making a quick score – barely advancing at first, they then double-GFI both their ST4 Wolf (with the ball) and a Ghoul (for cover) to within 2 steps of the goal, then spend their Wizard on dropping the Strip Ball orc Blitzer within range. Orcs GFI with a goblin to provide an assist and then make a one-die blitz against the wolf again, pushing him a bit… But when their Thrower dodges and GFIs there too, Necro suddenly find themselves within contact of 3 players, with the Sidestep goblin being the only one they can get a 2d block on without dodging other people in. So they decide their only alternative is to hope to roll a POW as the ball-Wolf Frenzy-blitzes the gobbo, then make an AG3 dodge… but they get lucky on this desperation ‘plan’ and score. The missing Wolf comes back for the next drive, with 5 turns to go, just in time for a blitz on kick-off! Necro go down one side, but leave some people in their half in case of an Orc pass, then manage to get a Wolf next to the Thrower with the ball. With Orc Guarders busy elsewhere, Orcs get some assists in, but the Thrower fails to take down the wolf with a 2d blitz, and decides the safest place is next to him. Necro free up a Wight to take away assists from the Thrower, allowing him to get taken down. Orcs manage to pick the ball back up with their AG4 lineorc, and then do a scattered pass to the LOS where no-one is right now. Necro see a chance to skill up a Ghoul, and chain-push her towards the ball, but after she repeatedly fails to pick up the ball, they are forced to just hand the ball to their AG4 Wolf who scores on the last turn.

5b – Lunacy (dorfking) vs Bloodshed Engineers (dwarf)

Dwarf team is full of Guard (whereas Necros rather went for MB), and Necro right away Frenzy their wolves next to standing dwarves, and… yep, there they go, both Wolves get taken off the pitch on return blocks, because it’s always a solid plan to risk losing both your wolves on turn 1. While the MB Wight is stuck carrying the ball, likely so he can try to GFI (where a Ghoul could have walked easily, I’ll note), and he injures himself off the pitch. At a heavy man advantage now, dwarves make use of Necros being totally out of position and swarm the ball, as Necros KO their own Ghoul on a dodge. Necro manage to push a Runner onto the ball to scatter it off the pitch, but it lands right in the middle of more dwarves… And with 6 Necro on the pitch, dwarves feel comfortable stalling, until they for some reason score on turn 7, giving Necros an extra KO recovery and hitting opportunities, allowing both Wolves to get back for the second half. Wherein dwarves fail the initial pick-up, but recover as Necro are swarming their half, but then move a wolf OUT of the way of the ball-carrier, rather than requiring them to blitz him off! Wolves do manage to almost kill a Slayer, and then a Golem dodges away from the Deathroller and blitzes the ball-carrier down! A wolf grabs the ball and GFIs out of the reach of any but one unskilled Runner, who in turn dodges away from a Golem and GFIs to blitz the wolf down! But the other wolf comes in, and together they manage to score, getting rid of the Roller. Things look good for Necro, as dwarves set up for what seems like a passing play, and Necro are able to get a Wolf and a Wight next to the Runner, cutting him off from the rest… But their attempt to dodge a Wight away (to mark the AG4 Runner) fails, allowing dwarves to nevertheless dodge and pass to him, and screen him off! Now, Necro could get an assist against him with a Ghoul and blitz with a Wolf if they dodge+GFI… But they rather stun the other Runner and try to mark the AG4 one who is within scoring range (note the important flaws in this plan)… And score he does, ending the game 2-1. Personally, I found the choice to play the entire first half without wolves to be an intriguingly ballsy one, as nothing says just how little you think of your opponent as that!

5b – Boldly Gone (tys) vs Oscillian Outcasts (elf)

There’s more Guard on the elf side than Necros, and just as much MB! Necros lose their chance to threaten the elf drive with a failed Golem GFI, but elves do leave a corner of their cage totally open to a blitz from the ST4 zombie, but the ball bounces onto the AG5 line-elf. Elves muster up a cage down one side, and Necro pressure them into scoring fast. Necros get both their KOs back, and send two LOS elves off in return, KOing a third with a foul from their ST4 zombie (who gets sent off, deservedly for such a special coaching decision). Elves screen the ball-carrying Ghoul off from the rest, but Necros open a way and hand-off the ball to a Wight and cage up. And, despite all the Sidestep, Necros are able to clear a way and score on turn 7. Every elf is back for the second half, and the kick-off goes short, but Necros just play safe and hand the ball to their skilled Ghoul, rather than try to capitalize on the opportunity for less skilled players. Their cage gets stalled by a sidestepping elf Blitzer, so they hand the ball to their Wolf and he runs behind a screen, but elves keep on hounding them with heavy Sidestepping pressure, just not going down! Especially with the only Tackle on the Necro team being on the ball-carrying wolf! Under all this pressure, Necro score early, leaving the elves 2 turns to get back at them, but an early double-skulls prevents that – not sidestepping that!

6a – Moonlight Shadow Z (mad mons) vs Tribal Turnovers (orc)

In a surprise twist, orcs come in with a Chef, trying to make up for their total lack of skills. Chef only takes away one reroll, but the first Necro block double-skulling gets rid of another, so a second double-skulls stuns their Wolf before they manage to handle the ball! Next turn, Necro get as far as using up their LAST reroll on a block, before fumbling the ball pick-up. Orcs start piling on the pressure, but Necro finally manage to solidify a cage in their half on turn 4. Orcs have a good shot at forcing Necro into dodges without rerolls… but rather choose to drop their own Blitzer by trying to dodge-blitz the ball-carrier, which allows Necros to move from an iffy spot to a totally clear part of the pitch! Orcs get a blorc adjacent to the ball-carrying Ghoul, but he gets blitzed down, and they have a good shot at scoring next turn… SO, instead, Necro try to pass to their Wolf that is standing in the end zone, and of course the ball scatters off the pitch. AND it gets thrown in to the middle of the pitch, surrounded by orcs, who just pick it up and walk it in to score. Second half, Chef still doesn’t work any miracles, and Necro get a wolf next to the Thrower with the ball, but orcs basically floor most of the Necro team and cage up on the LOS. Then a Golem blitz kills a Blorc, and orcs find themselves at a 2-man disadvantage. They stay stuck to Necros, who punch the Thrower down since they have some actual skills. A Wolf picks up the ball, and orcs try to get him down, rerolling a push into… double-skulls! As Necro KO another orc, they just don’t have enough players, and Necro get stall out a draw, rather than taking a chance at stealing the ball from the numerically lesser orcs in 2 turns! So, this Necro team loses the ball on their own drive, out of their own initiative, then settle for a draw from a dominant position!

6a – Corstad Crows (kawab) vs Hotel Cali-Florida (Khemri)

Fresh Necros (who chose to rather have extra zombies than any Ghouls) have to face a Khemri team that is +390 TV to them. So they bring in a Wizard and a merc Guard Wight, and Khemri choose to receive. To scare the bejesus out of them, Necro right away demonstrate the willingness to set up 1d-blitzes for their Block Wolf against the TGs! But because Necro left that Wolf totally alone in the Khemri half, they take him down, and KO him with a Dirty Player. This does leave their gangfoul group a tempting target for a fireball, which takes down half of them (but, critically, not the AG3 Thro-Ra). Necro blitz the exposed Thro-Ra, but just keep pushing him, allowing Khemri to free him and lay down a ton of tackle zones between him and the Necro. Necro ballsily take down a TG with a 2d-against block, to clear the way for their Wight to 1d-blitz the Thro-Ra, but he is still not going down. Khemri knock the Wight down, but stay right next to him with their Thro-Ra, allowing Necro to remove an assist and try another one-die blitz… which is still a push! Khemri KILL the offending Wight, leaving a total of 5 Necro players on the pitch. So, Necro dodge through and out of a tackle zone and GFI with a Golem, in order to blitz the Thro-Ra down! The ball goes off the pitch and gets thrown back at the LOS, where the remaining Thro-Ra fumbles the pick-up, leaving Khemri only 2 turns to score! But then Necro injure their Wolf on a failed dodge, and the Thro-Ra manages the pick-up in time, and scores. A riot comes up and might give Necros a chance at a 2-turner, if they just had any Ghouls. Second half, their remaining Wolf still doesn’t come back, and Khemri get a blitz on kick-off, so they score again. Upon the next kick-off, a thrown rock takes down the merc Wight, but at least the wolf has the ball… until a Blitz-Ra KOs him the moment he dodges into the Khemri half, and the game ends in a dominant 2-0 win for Khemri.

6c – Long Gone And Reprosper (muffinthief) vs Deconstructionists (chaos)

Necro bring in Babes, Wizard and a Bribe, to make up for their lack of any skills on their players, versus Chaos who has mostly loaded up with Block on everyone. And as Chaos receives and KOs 4 players, they get so much of a man advantage that they can run down the pitch unmolested, then stall things out before scoring. Babes do get Necros back ALL of their KOs, and now they still have 4 turns to score back. They KO a Warrior off and head towards that side, but as Chaos gets in the way, they KO a Beast and get a Wight into scoring range through the middle. Chaos hurts the Wolf off (but he regens) and mark the ball-carrying Ghoul with two players. However, in a horribly questionable positional play, they leave the edge of the pitch clear, and the Ghoul dodges and is able to score via that path. Second half, Necro make a push down one side, while Chaos makes a half-hearted pressuring attempt, looking like they really don’t want to get in the way of that drive, and Necro are able to walk it in, unhindered. Chaos gets to receive with 5 turns to go, with only 9 Necro players in the way. Apparently aware of Necro still having their Wizard, Chaos avoids a regular cage in favor of a solid screen, while they keep the Wolf surrounded… Which would nevertheless still be the right time to use the Wizard and hope it slows them down enough, but instead, we get a failed Necro dodge, and then a failed Necro GFI, after which Chaos walks the score in. Necro would have a hard time organizing a one-turner, but try it anyway, but give up when the first blitz takes the target down (though they might have still managed it). A 2-2 draw, which could have gone worse as Necro came in 300 TV lower (though they did lose a zombie to -ST, and a Wight will miss the next match)… If only they had used the Wizard in the first half, rather than on the last turn!

6d – Awkward Paws (dode) vs Reiksguard Rangers (human)

Necros with wizard, bribe and babe, against elfy humans with 3 +AG players! Necro receive, and double skull on their first and third LOS blocks, with the ball resting in their end zone… Humans are heavy on GFIs, and manage to block the path forwards with a ton of their players, slowing the Necro advance enough that they manage to punch the ball-carrier down, then grab the ball with an AG4 blitzer and score! With 3 turns left in the half, humans leave one side very open, but an early failed hand-off robs Necros of the chance to have the Wolf within scoring range. Second half, it’s 11 necros vs 10 humans, and humans park their cage right in the middle of the pitch, just tempting a fireball, which takes down most people in it, landing the ball pretty clear. Necros pick up the ball with a Wight and get it to their Wolf, who runs down the pitch… but tries GFIs without a reroll, knocking himself down, leaving the ball within range of the human AG4 Thrower, who is able to pass it down to their AG4 blitzer, who runs down the side, but gets taken out by a one-die blitz from a Wight. 6 Humans remain on the pitch vs 9 Necros, with the ball on the center line, but then it lands next to the Ogre. Necros skull up early and often, until the ball bounces onto a zombie, still next to the Ogre… As a longshot, Necros can get only a single Wight within scoring distance, and get the ball to him, but then fail their hand-off to him! Game ends 1-0 for the Humans, because only having one Ghoul and one Wolf keeps really limiting this team’s options, and all the skulls really weren’t helping either.

More about the match here

Shame of the Week

4d – Kemmler’s Creepers (mordien) vs Dungeon Crew (darkies)

DE choose to receive, and right away must spend a reroll on GFIng to blitz a Ghoul, which shows just how much they plan ahead! Then they risk a skilled line-elf on fouling a LOS zombie, with only one extra elf on the bench. Seeing all this silliness, Necro just stay out of the way and let elves score right on turn 2. Necro respond on their drive by doing an early foul with a lone zombie on a LOS elf, but unlike the elf, the zombie gets sent off, showing definite elf-leanings on the part of the referee committee. With a man advantage, DE think GFIng gives their stabs a boost, as they yet against spend a reroll on doing so against a Ghoul, then put a lv3 blitzer there to protect the Assassin from a surf, which means the blitzer DIES to a punch from the MB Wight. Then, not to make things too easy for themselves, Necro leave their ball-carrying AG4 AV7 Wolf totally exposed from behind, with elves able to dodge and do an easy 2d block… but as the DE team lacks any Tackle, and they reroll the mere pushes, it comes up double-skulls. With 3 DE KOed and 1 dead, Necro can establish dominance, helped by DE dodges coming up double-1s… And yet, amidst all this goodness, they still choose to score on turn 6 rather than stall (and keep kicking more elves off) from a position of safety, leaving the elves time to score back! It could all work out, since Necro get a Blitz on kick-off, but they placed all their players too far to make use of it, and end up just double-skulling on a blitz and leaving multiple players in contact with opponents, enabling elves to avenge their dead blitzer by KILLING the Wight who did it. And as Necro start their turn with a Zombie dodge, elves score unhindered.

Second half starts with elves in a definite lead. Necro rush to score on the second turn with a half-field long pass, Wolf to Wolf, and it actually works. So DE do the exact same thing back (only they actually have an AG5 + Pass Runner, and an AG4 receiver, so it makes sense for them to do). With the score 3-2, it still looks pretty easy for Necro to draw this game, until they fail a hand-off to the AG3 wolf, allowing a Witch to pick the ball up. Now, DE pack tight around the Witch, which would allow Necro to organize easy chain-pushes and surfs and 2d blocks on the Block-less Witch… but instead of any of that, they rather choose a 1d blitz on the Witch, only getting a push, leaving elves free to block her free the next turn and pass to another elf, who goes out of range, allowing DE to score on the last turn, making the score 4-2.

Lesson here: you cannot out-elf an elf, stick to killing them.

It’s been while for sure, but the Snotballz are back with a brand new squad, just itching for revenge.

The Revenge of the Snotballz commenced last season, earning their stripes in the roiling cauldron of the OCC Division 5. But this season sees our intrepid heroes get serious in the minor leagues, facing off against a variety of bash-happy opponents in Division 4C. And their first such opponents are a familiar face – the Necromantic horde of the Brain Hunter, whom just so happened to be the Snotballz’ first opponents last season.

The last time they met, the Hunters thought they had the game in the bag, until the Snotballz pulled out an extraordinary last two turns to come back from 3-1 down to tie the game 3-3 at the death. After such a humiliation, no doubt Brain Hunter were after some revenge of their own. But would they get their satisfaction, or would the Snotballz outshine them once again? Read on to find out….

First Half

The Snotballz won the toss and elected to receive against their vastly superior opponents. To help even the odds, the Snotball bean counters had managed to convince the dynamic duo of Ripper the troll and the mighty Morg ‘n’ Thorg himself to join the plucky greenskins, and they lined up alongside the Snotballz trolls – Rumble and Grumble – to form a mightily impressive front line.

The lineup was so magnificent that the crowd couldn’t contain their excitement, and as the game commenced crazed fans took the field in an uncontrolled Pitch Invasion. But despite the presence of so many fanatical supporters, surprisingly few players from either side were impacted, so the game commenced as expected.

The pouring rain made it difficult to get a grip on the ball, and when a Snotball fumbled it in back field, the Hunter werewolves were quick to rush towards him, taking a swipe at the chainsaw-wielding Looney on the way through. It looked as though an early defensive TD might be on the cards, until the mighty Morg ‘N’ Thorg came hurtling back from the frontline to smack the biggest wolf face first into the turf. And more cover defence (offence?) came following close behind, as the Snotballz took possession of the ball.

With a couple of Trolls and the Fanatic holding the centre, the Hunters suddenly found their forces split. Only a zombie and a Golem were able to come to the aid of the fallen wolf (who was being furiously kicked on the ground by the surrounding Snotballz), while the remaining necros had to content themselves with ganging up on Twirlyball the Fanatic and bringing him to ground.

In the back field though, the Snotballz had the numbers, and they used them to maximum effect. The zombie got bundled over the sideline to get beaten unconscious by the crowd, while the downed wolf got much the same treatment from the Snotballz on the field (the holy ritual of Boot-to-the-Face is ingrained into the Snotballz from a very young age ). The battered Looney even got in on the action, taking the legs out from underneath the Golem while it was grappling with Morg and leaving it Stunned in the dirt. Suddenly free of opponents, the Snotballz trundled up the field with the ball, aiming to rejoin the Big Guys in the middle.

But in the centre of the field, things weren’t going so well for our heroes. Grumble the troll managed to send another zombie to the infirmary, but was soon overwhelmed by the Hunter’s superior numbers in the midfield. Ripper quickly followed, but when he went down he broke his jaw on the pitch and had to be carted from the field! Morg and the remaining Troll came lumbering in to stem the tide; but for the second turn in a row it was the Looney, “Sergeant” Slaughterball, who landed the telling blow – darting out between the Big Guys’ legs to take a vicious swipe at the Hunter’s other werewolf. Such was the force of his blow that it cleaved the wolf’s head clean off his shoulders, covering everyone in the vicinity with a crowd-pleasing fountain of blood. Try Regenerating that you mangy dog!

The Hunter’s retribution was quick to follow, with a Wight rushing in to smash the Sarge to the ground, but failing to hurt the grizzled greenskin. Furious at his apparent impotence, and with Sarge temporarily out of his reach, the Wight dodged clear from the melee, and went instead to assist a gang-foul on an alternate target: Grumble the troll. It was a lowly zombie (albeit a particularly Dirty one) that landed the money shot – caving in Grumble’s forehead with a savage kick. It would have been certain death for any other creature for whom brains are a necessary condition for existence, but as we all know Trolls get on fine without them even when they’re standing, so thankfully Grumble was able to Regenerate the damage while on the sidelines.

The crowd, of course, were loving the carnage and started cheering wildly as Scamperball went for a dash down the sidelines with the ball. But the bloodshed wasn’t over, not by a long shot. Rumble landed the next blow, smashing a Golem in the neck and Pinching a Nerve for good measure (but only temporarily as it turns out). Morg flattened the only zombie within range of the ball, and Scamperball was able to run unopposed into the end-zone.

But not before the Hunters got in some more revenge: Ignoring the ball, the few remaining necro players fell back to the midfield, where the Sarge was still lying on the ground in a daze. A Snotball tried to stand in their way but was nonchalantly brushed aside allowing the Hunter retribution squad to curb-stomp the fallen Looney.

Sarge’s mangled body was dragged from the field as Scamperball ran in the half-time score, and the Snotball medical team worked on him furiously over the half-time break. It was pretty touch and go, but the Sarge is made of pretty tough stuff, and to the crowd’s delight he made a miraculous recovery just as the half-time entertainment got booed from the field.

Half time score: 1 – 0 to the Snotballz!

Important Statz:
On-field Deaths: 3
Actual Deaths: 1
Successful Fouls: 6
Players Sent Off: 0

Second Half

Despite the complete carnage of the first term, both teams were able to put together a near full-strength squad for the second half. The Hunters had lost a werewolf, but had a reserve ghoul to bring on instead. Whereas the Snotballz had lost the services of Ripper and their Fanatic, but were able to bring on their mercurial bombardier, Combustaball, to bolster their firepower.

The rain had cleared up over half time, which would make things easier for the Brain Hunter to pick up the ball. But in the end it didn’t matter as the Snotball kick-off went too deep and out for a touch-back. The ghoul brought the ball forward from midfield, and the rest of the Necros crowded around him. Meanwhile, on the flanks, one of the Trolls was knocked down and fouled out of the game by that damn Dirty zombie.

With no obvious way to get to the ball, the Snotballz tried a vertical approach – Combustaball launching a grenade high in the air which landed right next to the hapless ghoul and the surviving wolf, knocking them both to the ground. The ball bounced forward towards the Snotball lines, and a furious melee erupted to gain possession.

The Snotballz looked to gain the upper hand, with Boss Bouncyball fumbling the pill backwards behind their lines. But a retaliatory block from the Hunters (and a lucky bounce), saw the ball tumble back towards the Hunter lines, and end up in the hands of a wight.

The Snotballz scrambled furiously to try and regain possession, but the tide had turned against them. The Sarge had been taken out in the previous melee, Morg and the remaining Troll were tied up, and Combustaball’s further bombs all flew wide. The defence was desperate, but ultimately futile, and the Hunters soon achieved the equaliser with a cheeky pass to the wolf in the endzone.

The score was 1 – 1, and the game was poised for an exciting last quarter.

Only Morg, Grumble and the Sarge remained of the Snotballz’ hit squad, making the task before them much harder than it could have been. But they quickly shifted the odds back to neutral by removing two zombies from the field from the kick-off. The first courtesy of a Morg-inflicted broken neck, and the second engineered by a trio of Snotballz, who almost killed the shambling meatbag. And when Boss Bouncyball made a clean pick-up to bring the ball forward, it looked like the Snotballz might have a shot.

Things looked even better when they made a break down the sideline and the Sarge took out the remaining wolf with a well placed swipe at the kidneys. But it all came crashing down when a lone ghoul dodged past the Snotball screen to hit Boss Bouncyball right in the chest and knock the ball clear.

The Snotballz scrambled to try and regain possession to get the winning score, but a  when trying to clear the ball made things virtually impossible. The Hunter’s defence was tenacious to the end, and they did just enough to deny the Snotballz at the last.

Final score 1 – 1.

Also, it seems the competition for Shame of the Week position is starting to heat up, as this week the decision wasn’t as easy to make. Because, as everyone knows, it doesn’t matter why people know your name, as long as they know it. And I am proud to inscribe them into the stall walls the next time I have business back there!

2b – Redead Redemption (dainjon) vs Super Vixens (woodies)

How will their lv6 wolf resting this match out affect the outcome? At least the other wolf has MB, even if he has no other skills. The elf team has gone the paranoid route, and both their Dancers have +AV and Strip Ball. And so, with Necros choosing to kick, a fan throws a rock at the elf Thrower (only stunned, booo). Elves get a Dancer and the AG5 Catcher in the backfield, and Necros mark those and run the lone wolf in to threaten the Thrower, but the wolf gets KOed by the other Dancer because he has no skills beyond MB – they do need the rest of the team supporting them, you know! Elves fumble the ball close to the center line, but all the Necros’ mobile players are either on the bench or at the deep end of their own half, where it takes 3 blocks from them to bring the Dancer down (who would’ve armor broken if not for her +AV!). But the ST4 Guard zombie injures a skilled line-elf off, while the DP zombie kills an unskilled one, which scares the elves enough for them to pass to their Catcher and score quickly. Necros start their drive only facing 9 elves on the pitch, and KO 3 more right away, and a 4th one the next turn. Elves try to foul the MB Wolf off, but that just gets their Thrower spotted and sent off. So, come turn 5, Necros are facing 4 elves… 3 after they fracture a line-elf with a foul. Dancers figure out the best way to stop their cage advancing might be to tempt them to foul their prone bodies, but Necros aren’t falling for that, and rather just score. For the second half, elves go up to 5 players! None of whom gets affected by the Pitch Invasion, while only 5 Necro players are left standing. Strangely enough, Necros put the ball-carrying Wrestle Ghoul right in range of the elves rather than trying to protect him, and the elves take him down (though they also waste a reroll doing so), the ball scattering next to their wolf… but the next elf dodge fails, saving Necros from an embarrassing score. Everyone gets back up and Necros secure the ball, and on turn 14, there’s one elf left on the pitch, an unskilled line-elf… oh wait, there he goes, fouled off. One elf returns for turn 16, and he’s not organizing a one-turner by himself… but just to be sure, Necros get a blitz on kick-off. Unphased, elves finish in style, making a pass to their former teammate, now a zombie!

3c – Waynes Underworld (jimmyc) vs Return of the Blacksouls (ithtorukk)

Coming in with a ton more skills on their players, Underworld gets cocky enough to place their MB+PO Wolf right up front when kicking, and Blacksouls correctly reward this by KOing him for the rest of the game on their first blitz. However, they end up getting unnerved by the less numerous Underworld’s defense, and try a long pass to a receiving wolf, which fails, likely because it was just so unnecessary – perhaps they would’ve felt more confident with their man advantage if they hadn’t stuck that wolf in so deep, out of most action? Underworld grabs the ball with their Wrestle Ghoul, but he loses it when hit with a bothdown, and when Underworld’s AG4 Ghoul recovers the ball next, Blacksouls are quick to wizard him (breaking his jaw)… But it’s not enough, and Underworld manages to get the ball to their remaining wolf with their AG4 Wights, for a last-turn defensive score. Second half, Underworld is missing their best wolf and best ghoul, while Blacksouls have lost no man. Underworld crowds everyone on the LOS, and leaves just an AG4 Wight in their backfield with the ball, and Blacksouls put people within reach of him. Underworld falls backs and make a short pass from Wight to Wight, forming something of a cage in their own half, and Blacksouls KO Underworld’s remaining Wolf… and then, because the idea of having man advantage on the pitch seems to still frighten them, they try a one-die blitz on the ball-carrier with their ST4 Ghoul, rerolling a push into a skull that gets the Ghoul KOed. Even so, Underworld is still left with fewer players on the pitch, and make a break for it with their ball-carrying Wight near one edge, but Blacksouls dodge through 2 tackle zones to one-die blitz with their Strip Ball Ghoul… Only to roll skulls again. Underworld makes the game 2-0, and Blacksouls try another long pass scoring attempt on their receive, but the pass fails, and so does JimmyC’s net connection. However, Ithtorukk is a gentleman and a scholar, and because the result was so obvious, he gives an adminned win to the Underworld.

4b – Graveyard Goons (xanderv) vs Fraggle All-Stars (gobbo)

Xander faces gobbos who try to score with TTM always as soon as possible (getting all of one turn of use out of their Bombardier) and absolutely refuse to get 3d blocks for their trolls (and Ripper) against ST3, yet somehow his Necros manage to pull a win out of it! Now, I have been expecting to see great things from his MB Wolves for a good long while now, and even one of them getting +AG hasn’t helped them leave an impression yet.

4c – Brain Hunter (darock) vs Uruk-Hai Marauders II (orc)

Can the Perfect Wolf stand up against an orc team that is all MB? Necros choose to receive, and leave a Wight in a vulnerable position, but orcs ignore an easy crowd-surf opportunity when they see one, and just bash people to the ground. Necros decide that they can beat orcs at orcing and get stuck to a scrum at one sideline, and after a while do actually almost manage to ST-break the MB+PO+Tackle orc blitzer! And then they briefly flirt with the idea of using superior mobility and moving to the other side… but then rather go back into the scrum, leaving their ghoul with the ball open to a blitz from the ST4+Frenzy+MB lineorc, who hurts him out of the game while their Thrower grabs the ball. The newbie wolf saves the day by taking the Thrower down, but the bounce takes the ball right in front of two ST4 orcs. As Necros keep losing players, they decide to grab it, but it’s too late when that wolf fails to dodge away with the ball. So the orcs just grab it with their ST4 lineorc and Dirty Player the perfect wolf off to regen. Orcs score on the last turn, giving Necros only one KO recovery chance (most notably keeping the ST4 Wight out), so second half, kicking to orcs, is 11 vs 10 right away. The noob wolf tries to save the day again, by stunning the Thrower with the ball and grabbing the ball, but he does it right at the pitch edge, so he’s gonna… yep, yep, there he goes, off to surf. The ball gets thrown to the middle of the orc pitch, and this time the perfect wolf runs after it, picking it up… and gets promptly KOed by the killer blitzer he almost managed to break earlier. With 5 Necros on the pitch, orcs have an easy time playing as they please, and score when the Necro count drops to 3 players. Now, the first half was certainly a great display of fortitude and sticking to your guns, not letting the constant loss of players deter you from using your ST3 to try to beat orcs rather than your MA8.

4d – Dakamancers (dakaman) vs Dungeon Crew (darkies)

Necros choose to receive in the rain, and it will be interesting to see how they decide to tackle the two ST4 DE blitzers. Fans help, as pitch invasion takes down one Ghoul, but 5 elves… and a Witch gets injured from a crowd-surf right away, because she was right at the edge to begin with – did they assume these were the non-Frenzy brand of Necro wolves? Necros cage up as elves start getting up from the floor, and being cocky on the sideline, trusting that Necros won’t dare push more out as long as their remaining Juggs+Leap Witch could easily get there and push him off in return. The blodge is proving to be a problem in respect to moving the cage forwards, because Necros only pack Tackle on one Wight… But luckily one blodger hurts himself on a dodge, and Necros keep kicking the remaining Witch until she goes keep him company. Elves are so intent on preventing the forward progress of the cage, that they didn’t expect Necros just going diagonally, and suddenly find the ball screened and out of reach, allowing Necros to score on turn 8. Coming into the second half, there’s only 8 elves left on the pitch, and they waste the majority of those on hitting the LOS crew… And then they choose to GFI to pick up the ball, and fail, allowing Necros to grab the ball with a wolf… Who then tries to GFI in return, and fails, spilling the ball into the crowd, who throw it right in the middle of the Necro half. Elves manage to get two players there, and Necro wolf fails to take the one with the ball down, so they settle for surrounding him. However, because they did it in a plus-shaped formation rather than in X-shape, the elves are able to easily chain-push the ball-carrier to freedom and score. Which still leaves Necros with 6 turns to score a winning TD, with a definite manpower advantage… Even if they leave a corner of their cage touching elves at times, but those openings don’t do anything, since elves also lack Tackle. Elves try to lay tackle zones in front of the cage, but best they manage is forcing a dodge and a GFI to score and win. Although, I must commend Necros on trying to make things exciting on that last turn by first blocking their own path with their own player, who they then have to dodge away with.

4d – Kemmler’s Creepers (mordien) vs Spectral Solicitors (undead)

I expect a lot of alternating ghoul-chasing going on in this match, though the Undead have the Tackle advantage. Necros receive, and are using their AG4 AV7 wolf as an elf stand-in, leaving him alone way back with the ball, while they blitz a Ghoul (but not with their Tackle zombie), and accomplish nothing. Undead shuffle about a bit, not even using their blitz, which apparently confuses the Necros so much that they start their turn by dodge-blitzing with a LOS golem, into a tackle zone, which is curious even as a mistaken command, since it’s a bit far from any sensible targets… And as they turnover, Undead floor pretty much everyone except the out of reach wolf with the ball, busying the other wolf with their Diving Tackler ghoul, who he just cannot get rid of. It gets so bad that Necros have to do a long pass with the wolf to a lone Wight, who gets promptly taken down, because he IS alone. Undead snatch up the ball and score on turn 8… at which point the Necro coach shows just what he is made of, and concedes.

5a – Necrocracy (juriel) vs Nuffles Nads (orc)

What a boring match! Orcs have Block all over, but that’s it for skills, and they use their inducements for a wizard and a replacement black orc (to cover for their niggled one). Necros meanwhile just trust their Claw to reduce the populace, and kick high, giving the orc Thrower the catch right away. Orcs commit to one side quickly, allowing Necros to put the pressure on with their Guard, and start KOing orcs even without Claw. At a severe man disadvantage, the orcs try to blast an opening with fireball (which helps Necros more than the orcs, as now they don’t have to worry about it anymore), but basically the ball ends up scattering to the audience who throw it far from everyone, and Necros fetch it with their AG4 wolf and then stall until a turn 8 score (fearing orc KOs waking up). Second half sees only 9 orcs on the pitch (though Necros did manage to lose both of their own Guard players on their own turns in the latter parts of the first half). This lack of players allows Necros to stall until they score on turn 14, leaving them 2 turns to perhaps score once more with… But though all the chances for a 3rd goal are there, the Necros piss it away by taking blocks with unskilled players until they turnover. One assumes they were that afraid of a TD zone GFI failing and killing off a player, but such constant safely playing means everyone walks away from this game feeling lacking and unsatisfied.

5b – Lunacy (dorfking) vs Gutrot’s Blitzers (orc)

Orcs come burdened down by 5 rerolls and TWO extremely skilled Throwers, which just seems superfluous, gifting Necros with Wizard and Nekbrekereh. Orcs choose to receive, and the ball lands directly on their +2MA blodge Blitzer, and they make a bad cage down near the side of the pitch (and completely forget both of their high-cost Throwers in the backfield for the whole game, so Necros effectively play against just 9 orcs). Wizard would be obviously GREAT here, so of course Necros instead dodge off with Nekbrekereh and just strip the ball loose, leaving the ball in the middle of the former cage. Orcs 2d-against blitz ol’ Neckie away with a push, allowing the +2MA blitzer to pick up the ball again, with other orcs tightly around him. Now, Necros could do anything here – finally use a wizard, chain-surf the ball-carrier out, anything… so they just surf a lineorc instead, then dodge away, and leave a clear path for the orcs to score, which they do. On their receive, Necros fumble the pick-up in range of the +2MA orc (with no players in his way), yet manage to almost recover the situation, but Nekbrekereh double-skulling means the Wight who catches the passed ball fails his GFIs in the end (probably should’ve saved the reroll for that, rather than try to Loner reroll). Second half, orcs get a blitz (with the ball going off the pitch), and they choose to blitz a lone zombie on the totally different side of the pitch from the rest of the Necros… I guess they wanted to allow a fast score, and Necros oblige. So, with the game 1-1, and with 7 turns to grind, the orcs try a GFI blitz with the troll and fail, but Necros similarly double-skull with Nekbrekereh right away (and fail a Loner reroll again). Orcs don’t like this kind of a safe score, and for the first time in the whole match, move their Throwers… in order to pass the ball, the catch failing, leaving the ball well within range of Necros, who swarm it. The AG4 orc Thrower tries to recover the ball in one tackle zone, but fails, and gets surfed for his troubles, with the surfing Wolf picking up the ball in passing. The rest of the drive, Necros stall their way to the TD, remembering to zap an orc at the very end… missing. Congratz, orc coach, your focused efforts on sabotaging your own play worked!

5b – Boldly Gone (tys) vs Munch’n'Crunch (orcs)

Orcs choose to receive, and Necros decide to commit pretty heavily to one side in order to push the AG4 lineorc up against the side (and also wasting their blodge Golem on that side by marking a single orc that he will spend a few turns stuck to). So the orcs naturally go the other way, KOing a Wight, and the AG4 lineorc makes 3 dodges to get in the clear. Necros keep hunting said lineorc while trying to shift to the correct side, and a wolf and ST4 zombie get KOed. Necros retaliate by killing a newbie black orc, then blitz an orc with a wolf but fail the dodge right after, so the orcs can cage with ease (but still end up scoring on turn 7 rather than stalling). The Necro 2-turn score does not work out, but their persistence pays off as they do kill off the AG4 lineorc. Second half, Necros need to start scoring quick if they want to win, and a Quick Snap helps them KO one blorc and injure another. They also finally position the blodge Golem so that he ties up people in a useful fashion. Gambling a bit, next turn they hand off to a wolf and score fast (with a dodge required). Next drive, 3 blorcs are still off the pitch, so it’s 9 orcs vs 11 necros, and as the orcs fail their pick-up deep in their half early on, a wolf is able to frenzy the Thrower off and pick up the ball. The Thrower tries to blitz him back, but double-skulls, and Necros decide to score fast, feeling cocky, leaving orcs plenty of time to still makes this a draw. So, orcs get the ball to their blodger blitzer and get him deep, but he gets taken down (because he chose to move right next to a Golem). An Orc thrower has a hero moment, and makes a dodge, pick-up in tackle zone, dodge away, and pass to a scoring-range receiver… but the catch fails. Necros pick up the ball with their wight, but then fail to dodge away, leaving the ball right in the open, where the other orc Thrower can get to it with ease, and he picks it up, and walks to hand it off to their blitzer just waiting for it… and fails the hand-off. Thus, Necros win, barely, because they just would not stall in an easy situation to do so in!

6a – Moonlight Shadow Z (mad mons) vs Night Horrors (undead)

This is different, as the Undead fear for their life and hire an Igor with their inducements! Undead receive in the rain, and then decide they hate the Golem farthest away from the ball more than they want to win, and thus commit players to kicking him on the completely other side of the pitch. This allows a Necro Wolf to KO a cage corner Ghoul and get next to the ball-carrier, and completely shocked, Undead skull up before they manage to do anything constructive, wasting rerolls rather on blocking that Golem than freeing up people near the ball. So the wolf takes down the Ghoul, and Necros basically run away with the ball, then stall until scoring on the last turn. All because the Undead tied up their own players (most notably their second mummy) far away from the action, right away on the first turn, of their own initiative. Second half, Undead just plain get out-Guarded, and Necros quickly make it 2-0, as they’re able to control the positioning from the start. In the final turns, Undead finally start breaking armor, KOing a lot of Necros, but rain keeps the ball stuck where neither party can pick it up. A quite dominant performance by Mad Mons, against a readily submissive opponent!

6a – Corstad Crows (kawab) vs Tzeentch Tremblers (chaos)

Chaos obviously want to come in as the underdogs, with only 2 rerolls, a Mino and just 2 warriors! Neither side has any skills, and Chaos chooses to kick (in spite of having only 11 players), and Necros right away injure a beast with their wolf. Bringing the ball (on a Wight, as these Necros have NO ghouls!) close to midfield, Necros Claw another beast (but the death is apoed). Drunk with cockiness from their own prowess, Necros then do a pass to a wolf (which would have left them totally screwed had it failed), but the wolf is easily reached by a beast, and goes down. Necros secure the ball back onto the wight who just got rid of it, because 9 players just aren’t enough to halt them when all the high-ST players are busy on the other side of the pitch. After a dominant stall, Necros score, and second half sees Chaos still only having 9 players. Because Chaos leaves their mino at the LOS by himself, Necros swarm him and foul him off the pitch, after which Chaos finally manage to get their first injury (on a wolf). Necros smartly clear a path for a Golem to walk next to the ball-carrier, only for the Golem to get KOed as the Chaos moves ahead. A zombie blitz later, the ball hits the ground, as the game is 8 vs 8, near the Necro end zone. But, the lack of rerolls takes its toll, and a decisive Chaos turn is cut short by double-skulls. Wolf grabs the ball and makes a run for it, but a long-distance blitz takes him down and the ball goes out, and the audience throws it… near Chaos end zone, with only 3 turns left to score. So after the Chaos lack of rerolls makes them fumble the pick-up, the wolf gets back up, ST-breaks a beast, gets the ball back and then scores again. Kawab was really showing how Claw can mess up an 11-man roster’s day!

6c – Long Gone And Resprosper (muffinthief) vs Stella Artois (dwarf)

Both are newbie teams, but the dwarves are already missing one player, fielding a Loner instead. Necros take their chances and kick first, and dwarves establish manpower advantage fast, KOing a LOS zombie, but then make a mistake in positioning their cage too close to one edge, and a wolf surfs a dwarf. This scares the stunties, and they retreat back to the LOS in a way loose cage, but leave one edge of it touching a Golem. Now, Necros could easily 2d-blitz the Runner with their other Golem if they were willing to risk a double-GFI… But instead, they choose to blitz no-one this whole turn, and also leave the other side of the pitch totally open for the dwarf cage to escape into. As they try to stall the cage, they also give up a perfect opportunity to NOT use Stand Firm and make a Troll Slayer Frenzy into a 2d-against block against a Golem… and instead just stand there and get punched down. Still, dwarves feel it necessary to leave cage edges in contact with necros all the time, and a ghoul pushes a corner down and ends up next to the Runner, allowing a wolf to dodge-blitz him down. Necros try a pass down to the only Wight in scoring range, but the catch attempt fails, and the turn ends 0-0. Second half, both sides get all their players back, and Necros start by killing off the Loner dwarf on the LOS, showing what anyone gets for helping a dwarf team out. After Necros surf a linedwarf with a wolf again, and injure a Slayer off, the man disadvantage is just too much and the dwarves end up flopping about uselessly, until Necros finally deign to score. A quite dominant showing from Muffinthief, teaching dwarves to fear and respect the sidelines!

6d – Awkward Paws (dode) vs Visionairies (dwarf)

After last week’s easy concession win, the fresh Necros face dwarves +670 TV to them, because OCC is all about tough love. Necros bring in a Wizard, Igor and Ramtut, and choose to receive first, obviously planning to score fast to get the Roller off the pitch… But, first it starts raining, then dwarves get Blitz on kick-off. Necros get a ray of sunshine when they KO a Guard dwarf, and KILL another on their first turn! Deathroller blitzes his way next to the ghoul with the ball, but Ramtut pushes him down, and Necros move down the other side, though dwarves mark most of their players and place their ST4 Runner to cut them off… Now, Necros could manage the situation nicely, but rather try to dodge with Ramtut as their first action of the turn, failing. Which allows the ST4 Runner to take down the Ghoul, and as a zombie dies next, a previously nice drive suddenly goes grim. Necros position badly, failing to get key players near the ball – they do hurt a Slayer off the pitch, but also leave their Ghoul to get crowd-surfed with a pinched nerve. Ramtut tries to play the hero and mark the ball, but KOs himself on a GFI, and dwarves recover the ball, and as Necros KO their own Wight by starting with a dodge again, the Runner is left a clear path with which to score. For the second half, Ramtut recovers, but it’s still 8 necros vs 11 dwarves. Dwarves tempt fate with a regular cage, which a fireball takes down most of (also fracturing the skull of the ST4 Runner)! Ramtut KOs a way for him and a wolf to stand next to the ball, and as dwarves are impressionable, they start their turn by trying to dodge, failing outright. Suddenly, Necros have a great shot, if only they don’t fail the pick-up… but they do. After dwarf Runner fails at the same, the wolf both KOs him, and picks the ball up – and now, Necros could easily secure a draw here, by backing the wolf up onto their half of the pitch a bit, but they instead risk it by running into the dwarf half, though there’s plenty of dwarves right nearby… And the dwarves chain-push a Slayer next to the wolf, sure enough, and KO him, and the ball lands right at the edge again, and Necros cannot do anything, having blown so many chances already. But hey, they get a new teammate out of the dead dwarf!

Shame of the Week

2d – Necromaniacs (geiger) vs OsptO OCC (human)

The Human team exists to boggle the mind both with their name as well as their 2500 TV! So, Necros get a Wizard, a Babe, and a Count. Humans receive, and start off trying to pile on the blodge Golem, an ambitious yet unlikely  plan, then cage on the LOS. It looks like suspiciously tempting fireball fodder, especially with the Count available to Hypno a path open past whoever stays standing, but Necros just try to hypno a cage corner off (notably also getting the Count stuck in that spot for the rest of the drive), but fail, so settle for blitzing with a wolf to stick him next to the blodge Thrower. Humans take the wolf down and gangfoul him off (but regen works, so he’ll be back, unlike the DP lineman). The Thrower runs far back, out of reach, but next turn runs back and tries a short pass to a Catcher in scoring range, but he fails the catch. With the ball next to 3 humans, a fireball takes down the Sidestep Catcher, and Golem punches off another player, so with the ball in one tackle zone, Necros try a very round-about run with a wolf to push off the remaining player… but the GFI fails, before they moved their other players to secure the ball better (most notably, their AG4 Wight who is just left standing elsewhere). So Humans are able to crowd the ball, though the blodge Golem stays stuck next to it (proving they had foresight in trying to get him off early). Necros punch the Catcher, who goes down but decides to use Sidestep to scatter the ball… and it ends up bouncing free and to the Necro side, who finally bring in their AG4 Wight to pick it up. Things look good for them now, so of course they then leave an obvious opening by not placing their other Golem to cover the Wight better. The Human elf blitzer (+MA +AG AV7) is able to make a long run from the other side of the pitch to one-die the Wight, and in fact injures him out, and the ball goes to lineman (taken down by Count), to unskilled wolf (taken down by a cage corner being in contact with humans, because Necros were too excited to pick up the ball to even use a blitz on their turn), to the Count trying to do a pick-up in one tackle zone, but failing, allowing the Humans’ ST3 Catcher to get it and be within scoring distance for the last turn! Necros try to dodge after him with the Count, but fail, and so, humans are an easy risk-free walk from a score, and nothing can stop them now… so their first inclination is to take a superfluous 2d block first on their turn, and they double-skull, and the half ends without a score.

Second half, Necros risk stuff by making the ball pick-up in the clear, within range of multiple humans, as their last action on the turn, but a reroll saves the AG4 Wight from costing them the match, and he gets into the cage. They move down one side, and the Wight makes a run for it rather than do a controlled advance (probably because both of their wolves have already gotten KOed during this drive). Humans could do a simple dodge with their ST4 blitzer and punch the Wight, but they rather rely on the power of the elf blitzer, who tries a repeat performance… and gets a skull on his one-die rerolled push, and is KOed. So Necros score on turn 13, not confident they could contain the humans at all, and Humans do a one-turner to even the score. With the score 1-1, on their final drive, Necros put one wolf deep, but he gets taken down with ease, and as they left the AG4 Wight alone with the ball deep in their half, humans swarm in a threatening fashion. So the Wight dodges and makes a long pass to the Count, and it all goes well… except that Necros haven’t learned that the Count rolls nothing but 1s, so the catch fails. This allows a nearby Human Catcher to pick-up the ball and… fumble a pass. Necros get the ball back to the Count on turn 16, but as no Necro player is in scoring range, what is the best way to protect the ball with your ST5 player? Why, by GFIing with him until he fails and falls on his face, scattering the ball in the human half, where a nearby blitzer can pick it up, successfully throw it to a lineman, who can then hand-off it to the Catcher within scoring distance, and he can walk it in to score and win. ONLY HE DOESN’T BECAUSE HE DIES ON HIS GFI.

So, the result is a draw, and I feel that both the humans and the Necros worked hard together to get to be mentioned here (and the criminal under-use of Hypnotic Gaze bears noting). Perhaps it was a shared taste for excitement, but I find it remarkable that both Necro competitors for Shame of the Week match had a tendency for doing critical early actions with a Loner starplayer… but in Lunacy’s 5B match, it all still worked out happily ever after, due to a co-operative opponent, whereas here, only the human dice coming up as 1s so many times over the match saved the team from a loss! Never put your faith in Loners, never start a turn with them, and do try to have someone else within scoring range… unless you want to end up here, of course.

. The humans choose to kick. So far so good. During the first 3 turns, my guys are asleep and don’t even make a single KO despite receiving. On the other hand, the humans get 1 block and 2 blitzes during the first 2 turns and cause 3 injuries including 2 dead. Solid start

. Humans steal the ball, doding and picking up in a tackle zone easily ! We manage to get it loose again, but the dodge of the carrier to get it back fails. The ball stays on the ground, thankfully Phaos is watching it closely and keeping the hordes of puny humans at bay… so far.

. The +agility lineman manages to pickup the ball just next to Phaos. He provides some assistance to another poor lineman who tries to block Phaos out of the way. FIRST BLOOD FOR CHAOS. Phaos delivers yet again and kills the little one, because he was pissed off. He then frees the ball, but it stays in human hands by some sort of magic. The ball is freed again by an angry chaos warrior who catches it before it gets a chance to bounce.

. Belmoth the chaos warrior faces off with the ogre and tells him to go train some more before trying to take him on. A well placed foul the previous turn has kept one guard down. He’s still downed as the humans gang up on him.

. The chaos regroup, get the ball free and under solid protection. The game starts on turn 6 !

. And touchdooooooooooooooooooooown. Unbelievable comeback for Pain Treatment after a disastrous start. Stalling was deemed too risky and the touchdown is on turn 7, leaving 2 turns to the humans for a potential first half equalizer. The defense stands and it’s 1-0 after first half, with humans poised to receive again.

. A blitz for chaos on the second half. The defence is pierced with a blitz, chaos warriors are brought into contact and one beastman tries to make it to the landing zone, but alas he slips and falls. Could have been much worse for the humans.

. The chaos are putting huge pressure on the human defense. But OMG the series continue. 4th injury 3rd dead by the humans, a superstar chaos warrior bites the dust !

. A catcher gets through with the ball but is promptly blitzed to the ground by a beastman. As he tries to get closer to the ball he slips and falls And boooooom 5th injury by the humans… As if that wasn’t enough, they gang foul the superstar +ag beastman for the 6th injury, while Pain Treatment is still at a pitiful 2 injuries, both by Phaos.

. Still, Pain Treatment has a simple motto. NEVER GIVE UP. They regroup again and threaten a poor bunch of blitzers and catchers, threatening to get the ball at any moment or to cause massive injuries. The humans feel forced to touchdown (or are they secretly hoping to exploit their numeric advantage during our drive ?). The chaos get ready to receive, at 7 vs 10, but what 7 !

. As if it wasn’t enough, the humans get a BLITZ, which starts by a KO. Of course the limited amount of chaos players on the pitch made it impossible to play a somehwat blitz-proof setup, so this is a catastrophic event for Pain Treatment. Will they be able to come back again ?

. Pain Treatment tries to make the best of it, and miraculously manages to get the ball SOMEWHAT safe, and by somewhat we mean the best blitz for humans is at only 55%. They manage it, the carrier goes down and after some pushing the ball goes to a terrible spot for chaos. We still manage to force our way around it and 3 chaos players are standing around the ball facing off with just the ogre. The humans try their chance again and push our players on the ball hoping for a good rebound. It doesn’t go too bad this time and they even have the kindness to push one of our beastmen near the ball again. A failed dodge on their part leaves the ball open but with no rerolls on either side.

. And Phaos brings in the PAIN. 3rd injury for him, while all the other chaos players are apparently off duty.

. After putting some protection on it, the chaos take a run at the ball, dodge, pick it up, run away and pass it far, having it land near the human endzone ! The lone passed beastman is promptly taken down by the humans though. But they seem to be distracted and place nobody in touchdown range on turn 15 ! The chaos have insured at the very least a draw, despite all odds !

. It is turn 16 ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for having followed us so far ! The touchdown is still a (remote) possibility for Pain Treatment. Phaos starts the turn with the 4th injury of the game, for good measure. With no reroll and 3 gfis, 2 dodges and a pickup to make, the odds weren’t good and the game ends in an incredibly fought draw.

//cataflam

Here you can find everything about the upcoming Chaos Edition

You can find stats from all the divisions in OCC. (even if the tier-wide info still needs the creator of BBManager to do some stuff) Check the menu BB Manager Stuff

You can read about the Toronto Orkonauts, winners of Season 12.

You can find stuff that some people finds amusing.

Some of the information is gathered from the boards and the less quality stuff isn’t

Now, get in there, and comment!

S13E1

But am I one of those ‘oh I love you’ fans who go over the edge in just wanting to get close (and stabstab) their idols? No! I am a spiteful fan who feels the objects of his craz— affection owe him something! I will be cataloging each of the Necro matches, and taking coaching decisions I disagree with as personal insults!

2b – Redead Redemption (dainjon) vs Eldödlorna (lizards)

Lizards are made of Break Tackle and AG4 skinks, Necros are made of… uh… blodge Golem and MB Wolf? Hopefully the Wizard and Igor will help them out! Aaaand with that said, the Necro Wizard blows his load way too early, in a situation where the Necros couldn’t have capitalized on the ball springing loose anyway, and the lizards score – Necros should’ve rather concentrated on trying to get rid of the Sauruses and accepting that goal as a given, because AG4 stunties are just cheating. Necros start their return drive finally blitzing a Saurus, though they pick the exact worst time for it (since it leaves the MB wolf right next to a skink, who KOs him next turn). Necros continue these ill-advised life choices the next turn, by blitzing a sidestepping skink and ending up next to a Saurus, who gives the lv6 wolf a damaged back. Necros get desperate and make a break for it with their ST4 Sure Hands Ghoul, which means they get Saurus-Tackled to the ground and lizards score again. In the second half, Necros are receiving and have neither of their wolves, which means, you guessed it, that lizards score again! Lesson to be learned here; please, please value your wolves!

2d – Necromaniacs (geiger) vs Orcy Python & the Unholy Grail (vamps)

Necros choose to receive, and are using their AG4 Wight as the ball-carrier, alone back with the ball and exposed. It doesn’t matter, though, because the vamps destroy all their thralls themselves, and the MB Wolf takes care of the rest (most notably, almost killing the most experienced vamp, who needs the next match off to recover). Vamps had a good chance at getting the ball, but spending rerolls on bloodlust didn’t leave any for critical ball-handling moments. Close to a pitch clear, Necros score on turn 8. Wizard stops the vamps in the second half long enough so that player loss can work its magic again, and Necros end with a 2-0. I guess the Necros approached the game cockily, based on how open they kept leaving the Wight with the ball, but it was warranted, because the vamps did half their work for them (and Tackle on the MB Wolf then took care of the vamps).

3c – Waynes Underworld (jimmyc) vs House of Crom (dwarf)

Dwarves induce a ton of bribes, which makes sense when their Block-ful Deathroller comes into view. The dwarves keep spending rerolls on taking the MB+PO Wolf down, but they don’t foul him once he is on the ground, which makes you question why bother in the first place. Necros look desperate in the face of the cocky blodge+Sidestep dwarf Runner, who they just cannot bring down, even if he is exposing himself all the time. Then the dwarves break a lv4 Golem’s collarbone… They score early, leaving the Necros time to equalize, but since they spent all their rerolls on trying to get at the Runner, they don’t get it done. The Necro plan for the second half seems obvious: score early, getting rid of the Deathroller, getting a man advantage on the pitch. They succeed in this, and on turn 12 the game is 1-1, and there’s 9 dwarves vs 11 necros… And, oh, Necros also get a Blitz on kick-off and crowd under the ball. It looks like they’ve got this covered, and right as I think that, they decide to MOCK the dwarves by taking GFIs in order to go from safe position INTO blitzing distance of a tackler. So he gets taken down, but as the ball is still deep in the dwarf half, with only 6 dwarves remaining, it’s not a problem. Even if, in the end, Necros are forced to dodge into tackle zones in order to score, simply because they try to blitz the blodge+Sidestep Runner away from the ball-carrier, but do it WRONG (they kept leaving empty spaces for him to step into and stay in contact with the ball-Wight!). Still, it goes down as a Necro win, and that’s what’s important!

3c – Return of the Blacksouls (ithtorukk) vs The Warriors (chaos)

The Chaos looms +600 TV higher, and Necros prepare with a wizard and Count Luthor. Chaos chooses to receive first, and the moment I notice that their team has no Claw, their very first block nevertheless almost kills a lv4 Flesh Golem (and that is why you do not put Golems on the LOS!). Chaos looks like they should be able to advance nicely, but then they try to hand-off the ball to their AG-broken Warrior (possibly mistaking him for the AG4+Extra Arms one), and the ball stays on the ground the next few turns… Until Count Luthor tries to dodge into 2 tackle zones, and naturally fails, and the Count’s prone body bounces the ball into the hands of the AG+Extra Arms Warrior. A wizard’s lightning bolt misses, and Chaos score early, feeling confident in their ability to totally shut down the Necro advances, which they do. Second half, it looks like the out-classed Necros can make it a draw with passing… but this is not to be. The Chaos, though not tuned into killing machines, just had too many stat buffs and skills here.

4b – Graveyard Goons (xanderv) vs Lizardpool (lizards)

Lizards are at +500 TV, and surprisingly, I don’t see a Wizard working for the Goons! They rather went balls-to-the-wall with Ramtut, though I think trying to outpower lizards is the wrong approach to take… But having said that, their first block Badly Hurts a lv4 Saurus off. Lizards play an interesting, stand-offish defense, not committing to anything much until they see where the Goons are going. But Goons keep taking players out, until on turn 8, it’s 7 necro vs 4 lizards. Lizards almost manage a one-turner, but, skinks are AG3, so you know how that goes down. 2nd half sees the Lizards with 2 Sauruses missing, so they start gangfouling Ramtut, which prompts Necros to KO another Saurus. Lizards advance, but leave an almost deliberate opening for a MB+Tackle Wight to GFI-blitz the skink with the ball… And Necros are happy to oblige, hurting the skink off. Necros crowd the ball, but a skink picks it up with Ramtut next to him, and then just dodges away – Necros have a clear route to 3d blitz that skink with Ramtut, but instead, they choose to fail a GFI as they blitz with someone who is farther away. So, lizards score, leaving Goons with 3 turns to score back – easy enough, with only 9 lizards on the pitch, right? Not when you have no rerolls and lizards get a blitz, and then your first action comes up double-skulls. Necros do manage a two-turner right after, so the game ends up being a draw. But it could’ve been a win, had they set up anticipating a blitz. ALWAYS ANTICIPATE A BLITZ

4c – Brain Hunter (darock) vs Revenge of the Snotballz (gobbo)

A match against -800 TV gobbos, surely this will be easy! Morg and Ripper and 2 bribes cannot work that big miracles! That said, sending their MB+PO+JU perfect wolf alone into the gobbo half gets him deservedly KOed, while Ripper gets a broken jaw early. Gobbos avenge by KILLING the +MA wolf with their chainsaw. The DP zombie almost returns the favor on a troll, but this time regen works, SO he tries the same trick on the Looney, requiring apo interference. A lot of floating skulls in this match! With 4 Necros left on the pitch, the gobbos finally score. The Perfect Wolf comes back for the second half, even if he’s played a lot more cautiously and non-committally now… so the gobbos just pop the ball loose with a bomb. Necros get a lucky bounce on their turn, and the ball lands in the hands of a Wight, and, though gobbos try to repeat the Hail Mary Bomber trick again, Necros manage to score after a few more turns. The gobbos have 4 turns to score back, and totally start off taking Necros out again, but a hero blitz by a Ghoul stops their easy score, and the game barely ends up as a draw. Gobbos totally deserve the props here, while Necros need to work on their low-TV matchups.

4d – Kemmlers Creepers (mordien) vs Soul System (skaven)

Necros are the higher-TV team here, and the rats are on the pitch with only 12 players (one of whom is a DP merc linerat, which is a terribly optimistic approach against a numerically superior opponent). Going for a quick score, the rats fumble the ball in the open, but then the Necros forget that Rat Ogre has a tail and promptly fail a dodge rather than take advantage of the opening (going so far as to not even make any safer ‘just walk there’ moves first!), letting the rats have their TD. Then, to make me weep, necros take a long pass and score back right away, giving the rats plenty of time to score back (even if only barely). Why the MB and the extra people on the bench, if not for grinding the opponent down before scoring? Having an AG4 wolf doesn’t mean you have to make like an elf! In the second half, the rats start making heavy use of their VLL Leap + Wrestle + Strip Runner, but fail to stop the equalizer… Which doesn’t matter, since it’s easy enough for the rats to score the winning TD in the remaining turns (even if their insistence on long passes almost dooms them again). If the Necros had planned on a 2-1 grind, this match would’ve been theirs – rats are just better at shoot-outs, don’t do it.

4d – Dakamancers (dakaman) vs Excelsior Jesters (HE)

+1 ST on a Ghoul and a Zombie should help keep the elves at bay, though the HE have more MB (!) and just as much Guard (!). Daka takes out two Catchers, but doing so leaves his wolf open to a Leaping crowd-surf – it was like he didn’t think the elves had the balls to try that! Suddenly, elves are beating up Necros all over, ending with an 8 vs 6 dominance on the pitch, but nevertheless don’t feel confident enough to stall, and leave Necros time for a 3-turn score. Many things stand in Necros’ way, however – like, forgetting to try picking up the ball with their Sure Hands player, forgetting about the elves’ Leaper Stripper, or willfully taking a one-die block where they could’ve made it a two-die one by removing an assist – but even all those cannot stop them from scoring. Second half seemed to be about elves ramming their face into a brick wall. So, a Necro win through long passing, and then dodging into a tackle zone with AG3 to provide an assist that was not needed in any way… Perhaps he was using up dice rolls in advance, to make sure the HE MVP landed on their AG-busted Catcher? One can hope that was the reason.

5b – Boldly Gone (tys) vs Lunacy (dorfking)

Necro mirror match! The heavy favorite has to be Tys, with a larger roster and not taking losses during his SSC stint. However, Lunacy brings an MB wolf to the table. Enterprise chooses to receive, while Dorfking demonstrates his hate for ghouls of all kinds, putting his own unskilled one smack in the middle of the LOS, for which he pays by getting concussed right away (with an armor break roll of 8, of course). Perhaps the idea was to enthuse Lunacy’s remaining players? Because they then proceed to KO Enterprise’s both Wights and blodge Golem, and BH a wolf off and then KO the other one! Both teams are out of team rerolls by turn 4, and Enterprise is down so many players that Lunacy has little trouble walking the ball in on turn 8. Second half, Boldly Gone has 11 players on the pitch vs Lunacy’s 9, but neither of Tys’s wolves are to be seen! Dorfking solidifies his plan by yet again leaving a ghoul to get punched and blitzed, never mind that he’s carrying the ball – he’s a ghoul, he deserves punishment. This again serves to make his other guys go berserk, and the half goes from 11 vs 9 to 6 vs 9 in a hurry, and Tys cannot do anything to stop the 1-0 win… The lesson we learn from Dorfking here is – sacrifice ghouls early, sacrifice ghouls often, win.

6a – Moonlight Shadow Z (mad mons) vs Corstad Crows (kawab)

More Necro-on-Necro action going on here! Moonlight chooses to kick, likely confident because they actually have some of those critical first skills already, but things start off well for the unskilled Corstad Crows, as the kick lands right in a zombie’s hands, and then they KO two Moonlight zombies and a wolf on their (slow) way onwards. Not even double-skulls and leaving their ball-zombie totally open can mess up their drive! Second half, Moonlight is missing their Block wolf, and Crows a zombie, and since Crows keep out-bashing them (without having ANY skills to do so with!), Moonlight just sticks to a draw, scoring on the very last turn. Now, I don’t know how to feel about this match – both sides seemed more intent on just keeping bashing, rather than try to reposition in time to stop the obvious advances, yet everyone kept regenning all their injuries, so I am forced to conclude that this was a FIXED DEAL, all in the name of NECRO UNITY, since now both get a point. I suppose I can appreciate that sense of brohood.

6c – Long Gone And Reprosper (muffinthief) vs Wood Elf 4 Life (woodies)

First game for both teams! Elves cut their first turn short by double-skulling on the LOS (not spending a reroll on that), then Necros follow suit with double-skulls on their first block (though they do reroll). Necros allow woodies to score, stepping out of the way, and have 5 turns to score back. And it took until turn 5 for an elf to get KOed! Necros organize a smart crowdsurf for a Dancer (who is only stunned), but this does mean that elves can blitz their wolf out the same way (and he is KOed). Referee sends a zombie off for a meaningless foul, and Necros then leave a clear spot in the cage for the Dancer to leap into, so she smacks the ghoul down and grabs the ball, and scores on the last turn. 2nd half isn’t looking too hot, as their only Wolf stays KOed, and they only have 9 players on the pitch vs 11 elves… And then the ball lands right on the center line, and there’s a Pitch Invasion (which takes down all Necro players on the ball’s side of the pitch). They are pretty much screwed, further proven by their attempt to free up the only Wight who could potentially double-GFI to pick up the ball, and it comes up skulls. Elves score again, making the final score 3-0. In the end, it takes until turn 11 for there to be first blood, and even then, it’s elves Badly Hurting a Wight off. Giving up their chance to score, the Necros just focus on fouling elves, but alas, it does nothing. I know how you feel, bro.

6d – Awkward Paws (dode) vs Cobra Joes (lizard)

First game for the Necros, and what a game it is! Sauruses are so afraid of Claw that they refuse to appear on the pitch, and the Necros get a free win and twice the goodiebags!

Shame of the Week

5a – Necrocracy (juriel) vs Famine Lovers (skaven)

The rats come in +260 TV higher, and the Necromantic side claims they barely slept in the night before, but I call such excuses for the following performance the justifications of a mere charlatan and a poser! For who else would fear the rats’ unskilled Rat Ogre so much that they choose to receive first, rather than kick to them and let them score fast? Especially when said ‘man’ then leaves his cage’s backdoor flapping open in the wind, because apparently he cannot count higher than one fewer than what the maximum travelling distance of a running rat REALLY is! And thus, he loses the ball, in the rain, on his receive, and the rats score. The Necros do manage to equalize on the last turn of the half, but it is in spite of their coach giving them the worst managed score I have seen, wasting rerolls on a meaningless block the turn before so he has none left for actually clearing the way to the end zone! It is only through Nuffle (and Wrestle on a Zombie) that the score becomes even, not through skill or merit.

Second half, Necros finally kick to the rats, and position their defense like a drunken opossum, so the rats just swarm one back quarter of his field with the ball. At this point, desperation kicks in, and through the haze of whatever passes for thinking in his world, the necro coach recalls that he has a wizard! Only it can save him now, IF it manages to knock down 3 (out of 3!) rats with a fireball! The world is not just, for this actually works, downing the ball-carrier and the rats blocking the path, and the AG4 wolf rushes in and cradles the ball like it was their coach’s missing manhood. Worried of giving the rats time to score back, he then plans to stall until the last turn, but once again, this pretender assumes a roided-up ST4 linerat is out of range, when in fact, he is merely a dodge and double-GFI away from ruining EVERYTHING. The ball goes to the ground, and a Runner picks it up, lobbing it downfield. The ST4 wolf rushes after it, but once he is with the ball, he is boxed against the edge by 3 rats! Only a chain-pushed POW frees him enough that he can dodge away, and hand-off to a Wight, who then double-GFIs the winning TD in, on the very last turn.

The ‘man’ in charge of this debacle, if such a term can be applied to such a character, he brings shame to the Necromancing profession. The scoreboard may not reflect it, but everyone there knew the truth; the Wizard was the MVP, and the Necro players deserve sympathy, for theirs cannot be a bright future under such leadership.

We’ve been blessed with a fantastic patch for our miniature game. Cyanide thought the client wasn’t bug-ridden enough, since people doesn’t complain as much nowadays. In an effort to make the client worse than before, they have implented a few new bugs. Since it has been unfair that goblin matches to crash, they made it possible for the whole team of any race to freeze up. So, the French Revolution is upon us again. Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité. Every team should have the same chance of crashing!

On another thought, players freezing midfield, maybe ISM has joined the development crew at Cyanide, implementing some of his strategies?

Considering the downsizing of the players in the latest patching, probably to prepare for Bull Centaurs, this is not the end. In an exclusive photo of the boxed version Tribble has found proof that the smallest players are yet to be revieled. The picture is a close up on Griff Oberwald and one of the upcoming demon players.

XanderV has dug out information from amazon.fr about the upcoming version of Blood Bowl: Chaos Edition:

(translated from amazon.fr)

Blood Bowl : Chaos Edition is the ultimate Blood Bowl edition, which includes the content of all previous Blood Bowl editions as well as all new content exclusive to the Chaos Edition! This new edition sees 3 new races enter the blood-stained pitch in a glorious manner, bringing the total number of playable races to 23! The malevolent Chaos Dwarves step foot onto the pitch, while the creeps residing in the Underworld venture out of their lairs and surface for the very first time to participate in the tournaments! Moreover, supporters will still have much to cheer about, as they will get to enjoy not only the touchdowns but also even more relentless violence, as for the first time in its long history, the Blood Bowl championships welcome the Demon teams originating from the Chaos Realms!

An all-new stadium is also being inaugurated for the occasion, which brings the total number of stadiums to 10. Amazons and Lizardmen will indeed open the doors to their all-new stadium in order to welcome the new teams participating in the Blood Bowl! While Blood Bowl was already offering an incredible solo playing experience with its numerous modes such as story, campaign and exhibition, Chaos Edition offers an all-new mode, the World Championship! Participate in a prestigious competition and win it all! Round robin, continental cups and finals all unite to create an all-new dimension of Blood and glory that players will be fighting for!

Characteristics :

-A total of 23 races including 3 never-before-seen races, with different looks and playing styles;
-10 different environments, including the all-new stadium of the Lizardmen and Amazons;
-An all-new solo mode, the World Championship : create your team, lead it to victory…no holds barred!
-Create your own online league, challenge other players and take part in the Internet leagues in order to bring your team to the very top!