Goodbye, Farewell and Amen

Karnac’s Raiders went into MD9 of Season 11 staring down the barrel of an unenviable 0/0/9 record.

Rumours were rampant that Karnac himself (the Raiders’ illustrious benefactor) had travelled all the way from Lustria specially for the game to see the state of his troubled side with his own eyes: were the players burnt out or the coach rotten to the core?

Coach Hobnail had been jumping at shadows all week, fully aware that at any moment any of those shadows might come to life and cut short his glittering coaching career.

During the game, his mood was soon eased as his players took off like a rocket; removing 4 opposition players from the pitch right after kick off. The first half was a formality after that. Skink legend, Cuaqutah, had the ball and was strutting around the pitch as if he owned it. But what was he playing at? In spite of Coach Hobnail’s rantings, he refused to run in the simple TD and instead chose to run down the clock until halftime. Seconds before the whistle, he went to launch a Hollywood pass to Broknaxl: the crowd, his team-mates and most of all, his coach could only look on in disbelief as the ball slipped from his grasp. Fumble!! Coach Hobnail was apopleptic in his fury – the shadows lengthened…

His players faced only 7 opposition in the second half, but had no answer to the two touchdowns scored; apart from to knock down and kick everything in sight. The Raiders’ flawless season was complete: where now for this famous old franchise?

Coach Hobnail was mysteriously absent from the dressing room post-match: as was the previously-full trophy cabinet. Despite a poor season, the Raiders had picked up several awards in Season 11, not to mention the 13 or more awards amassed over the previous 10 seasons. The cabinet doors were swinging open and the shelves empty.

The Raiders had fallen to the depths of being the 13th worst active team in the Orca Cola league: Karnac would not be pleased. Sure enough, in the days following the game, the squad received word that they were to be shipped home to Lustria in disgrace. Nuffle only knew what was in store for poor Coach Hobnail.

On the day of departure, the subdued squad was on the way to the ship that would give them passage to Lustria. Assistant Coach and Raiders and OCC Legend Inxi Huinxi led the squad in the continued absence of Coach Hobnail. As they were boarding, Cuaqutah realised that the Raiders’ Amazon cheerleading squad weren’t with them – surely they should be on the ship – as should Coach Hobnail….

The players were leaning on the rail, waiting for the ship to leave and gazing forlornly at the world they were about to leave behind. As they did so, Inxi noticed a mysterious, cowled figure clutching a large sack. The mysterious figure was talking to another man, as he did so he put the sack down: from the top came the glitter of precious metal. The missing trophies! The cowled man took what appeared to be a large quantity of money from his ‘friend’ and walked away towards a group of a dozen or so beautiful ladies all clad in black. It was the Raiders’ missing cheerleaders! However, they appeared to have discarded their usual uniforms for black Blood Bowl armour.

The mysterious cowled man glanced at the ship, the ship’s klaxon sounded to announce its departure. The cowled man waved to the ship, Inxi and Cuaqutah glanced at one another; was he waving to them? He appeared to wipe a tear from his eye as he waved; as he did so, his hood slipped from his head. Coach Hobnail!?! The two skinks flipped him a salute in recognition of some hard times shared, then he turned his back on his team for the final time and left with his newly purchased squad of players – all that his old players could see as he walked away were two words emblazoned on the back of his hooded robes…….

//hobnail