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The Bachelogrette: Episode 8

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Now that there's fewer contestants, everyone has had a lot more time to spend with Lennifer, our Bachelogrette, getting to know her inside and out. We cannot legally air the inside parts, so here's a little of the outside.

 

Nes seemed uncharacteristically nervous after hearing about this week's challenge. His agitated state was a far cry from his usual cocky demeanour. He told Lennifer about his youth and how he never had to develop any real skill since he could just throw money at any and all of his problems. He seemed almost scared, like he finally got caught and was forced to reveal who he truly was. Lennifer and Nes sat down together and after the Elf got done pouring out his heart, the Ogress held him in her arms for what seemed like an eternity. She told him that he was special and that he had talents. After all, he was the most experienced player on his entire team! It was a lovely TV moment, where the High Elf's outer crust was finally broken to reveal a more sympathetic character we all can relate to, even for a moment... . Nes wasn't lying about his lasagne though, it was pretty killer.

 

Lenny also showed us a side of himself we hadn't seen before, but in a much stranger way than Nes did. It turns out this Elven Catcher knows a whole lot about eggs. He had egg stories coming out of his cloaca and entertained Lennifer for hours and hours with fun, little did-you-know's and egg-facts and it was surprisingly entertaining. Did you know that Echidnas laid eggs? I sure didn't! It was fun to see Lenny and Lennifer interact and bond over such a silly subject, it really made them look like an adorable couple.

 

Dogbert was nowhere to be found... . The entire week went by and the Minotaur did not show his furry face the entire time. Did he get cold feet? Did he change his mind? Or has a more sinister fate befallen the horned Bachelor? Perhaps we will never know... .

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The garden looks beautiful as always, but something feels a little different this time around. Lenny and Nes are sitting in front of the podium where Lennifer and the Handsome Coach are standing. There is no trace of the Ceremonial Table or the Elimination Rock. The Handsome Coach steps forth and speaks... .

 

"Gentle-Elves, as you may notice, there's only two of you remaining. We have tried to find out where Dogbert is hiding but alas we have come up empty-handed. This means that Dogbert is automatically eliminated and the two of you are our finalists! Congratulations!" Several servant-Gnoblars clap enthusiastically, but Lennifer phones it in for the camera. She's obviously upset. How could the big, huggable Mino just disappear like that?

 

As the noise dies down, the Handsome Coach speaks up once more; "Normally, we'd have @Fantus come in and share a few words, but since we have no clue where he is, we're going to skip that part. @brocCooLi and @Suido, there's no real challenge for you this week... . As it turns out, the Women with Attitude are playing P'Elvic Thrust for Match Day 9 and we're all heading out for the game. Nes, we have special back-stage passes for you, so you can join the WwA dug-out and support your lovable Bachelogrette from the comfort of a bench that's drenched in Ogre sweat! And I'm sure we'll hear from Lenny after the game is over,... if he survives, that is... ."

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so when are the game scheduled for? and will it be on tv? will there be corn that are stuffed with goodie?

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"Its been an honor to be around for this long. And no matter what happens, I hope we all can be friends?" Nes says a bit nervous and insecure and looks at Lenny and Lennifer.

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First there was a shriek in the distance.

 

Followed by more gasps and then screams.

 

The crashing sound was all around the studio and a torrent of people were running past Lennifer and the two remaining contestants.

 

The camera's were all still on, and the shows editor saw a bloodied and bruised Dogbert charging forward. He quickly ordered the crew to start filming. You can't buy a good mauling that is live on TV!

 

Dogbert's face was full of fury. His head was down  and horns up as he charged towards Lennifer, Nes and Lenny. The ground shook. Lennifer braced herself as the appeared to be charging straight in to his beloved....

 

But at the last minute he turned and slammed full strength in to Nes.

 

The elfs body flew across the studio and Dogbert roared in satisfaction!

 

"Lennifer!! That skinny elf thing had me locked inside his basement!!" Dogbert glared over at the limp form of the elf. "He invited me round for a talk, then gave me some drink, and then I wakes up in a cage under his house!"

 

"I had to wait until tonight when the guards were watching the show to escape, they were all clapping at him getting to the final when I ripped off the door and skewed them all!" The numbers of wounds and cuts on Dogbert gave testimony it had not been an easy battle to escape.

 

"I only wanted to show you my special talent" The minotaur pulled out a small severely cracked set of drums which had clearly not survived the last week.

 

And with that, Dogbert slid to the floor from exhaustion.

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*steps over Dogbert's body*

 

The honour to bring this to a climax on the field... I will not disappoint you.

 

Erm. Was mentioning cold feet a joke about the lack of hair? If so, awesome.

 

Apothecary!

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11 hours ago, brocCooLi said:

so when are the game scheduled for? and will it be on tv? will there be corn that are stuffed with goodie?

 

Friday 2100. Prime time.

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"Dogbert!!!!" Nes exclaims in a frightful shriek.

 

"I would never do that to you! Never! You have to believe me!" Nes looks with panic on Dogbert and then Lennifer and back to Dogbert.

 

"Yes I invited you to my house to talk and have some chill time, and yes I gave you drinks. But I didnt do this! After the last drink was served my servent had me pulled away for some silly stuff that he said was very important. And when I came back you were gone! My servent said you had just left. I didnt know this!"

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15 hours ago, wismerhill said:

whats a servent?

 

It's a Lizardman Servant, also knows as a Serpent Servant, also known as a Servent.

 :Bananas:

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Episode 8 Addendum:

 

From the bushes crept one of Nes' Servents. "I'm sssorry, massster. We have failed you! We thought to lock away the opposssition so you could win the competition for sssure!". The creepy crawler made his way to his master's feet, groveling before his Elven Lord. Nes, still recovering from being hit by a Goddamn Minotaur, felt betrayed. Not only did his Servents go behind his back, they actually thought he would lose a contest of any kind? PREPOSTEROUS!

 

As the Elf Lord got back on his feet he realized that over the course of the competition, he may have gone a little soft. His confidence and natural High Elf cockiness had made way for sympathy, camaraderie and... fair play. How did he go from this:

 

On 1/11/2019 at 2:49 PM, brocCooLi said:

Nesantdon Talaneth will let you all know that its easy letting anyone score in a team.

but to have a team and only letting one player score, that is a challange.

 

also: Nesantdon dont find his 'competetors' worthy to speak with.

 

To this:

 

19 hours ago, brocCooLi said:

"Dogbert!!!!" Nes exclaims in a frightful shriek.

 

"I would never do that to you! Never! You have to believe me!" Nes looks with panic on Dogbert and then Lennifer and back to Dogbert.

 

"Yes I invited you to my house to talk and have some chill time, and yes I gave you drinks. But I didnt do this! After the last drink was served my servent had me pulled away for some silly stuff that he said was very important. And when I came back you were gone! My servent said you had just left. I didnt know this!"

 

In order to save face and cling on to whatever High Elf-pride he had left in his body, Nes kicked the Servent in the face and turned around to face Lennifer and the Handsome Coach. "I... yield." he coughed. "I am no longer worthy of this Ogress' love. I have gone from a stoic competitor to a bumbling fool. The shame of having my Servents step in without my knowledge has made me realize that my insides have gone smooth and soft, much like my fair, white skin. I will go back to training with my kin and I will become the grandest Catcher this land has ever know. And after I've grown older, more handsome and more experienced, then I will be worthy of a good woman's love. No... the BEST woman's love."

 

Nes held his head high, turned back around and started walking away, sure that he would become the greatest player in all the land. On his way out, he slipped the backstage-pass in to Dogberts trunks. A token of kindness for a new friend.

 

Lennifer waddled over to Dogbert and picked him up from off the ground. She carried the big lug inside, to recover from his imprisonment. "Looks like yer back in, big boy" she whispered in his ear, "See ya at the game!".

 

It looks like @Fantus will be one of our finalists after all! @brocCooLi, give our regards to Nes and let him know that we wish him the best. It's probably better like this because having two Elves in the final would just be silly!

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(how can I even be mad or angry when this is so funny? Nes should be upset but nope lol)

 

 

"Im sorry that I dissapointed you all. But most, I dissapointed myself." Nes lower his head and wipes a tear from his face.

"And I hope you all can see that I at least have changed. From that arrogant high elf that thought that money was all, to what I am today, a friend to you all. Im really sorry for my earlier behavior. Right now Im just happy to have experienced this and that it made me change into a better me."

 

Nes looks up at Lennifer, Lenny and Dogbert.

"If its ok for you, I would be really happy to pay for the wedding and a honey moon. Its the least I can do."

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Dogbert watched Nes turn to start to walk away. The giant minotaur charges towards him again. A flicker of fear crosses the elf's perfect complexion, then he feels himself being lifted up in a giant hug while Dogbert starts laughing.

 

"Nes and Dogbert will be friends forever!" Dogbert was practically swinging the high elf around, immune to the winces as the elf's battered body is still aching from being slammed.

 

 

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Hey, Nes, you can still come to the match, tickets and pupcorn are on me. I have a better record against minotaurs than elves, anyway.

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I think I just had an epileptic seizure.

Someone call an Apothecary!

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Nes is pacing restless in front of Lennifers house and the studio. From time to time he bites on his nails.

When will Lennifer decide? Will it be Lenny or Dogbort?

Being removed at last minute made it even worse to wait on the decision.

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2 hours ago, brocCooLi said:

Being removed at last minute made it even worse to wait on the decision.

 

*Commercial plays on a loop*

 

The Bachelogrette finale, this weekend on CABALVISION!

Sponsored by ORCA COLA!

It's LAVA you can DRINK!

 

*Horrible static followed by the same commercial*

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Posted (edited)

Dogbert sat in the box which Nes had paid for. There was some peasants walking around with bigs trays of meat and tankards of beer. Real beer! No sewer water added to it or anything! Dogbert wasn't sure how long it would be available so he tried to stuff as much in his face as possible before it was gone!

 

The familiar sound of the goblin whistle went and Dogbert moved to the front oft he box to watch the match. The beautiful Lennifer was there, her gut plate shining and only covering the bottom of her giant belly. A large stain on her top which looked like halfling hot. A few stray chin hairs dancing in the wind. She was stunning.

 

Dogbert roared with excitement as the very first action saw one Lennifers ogre team mates brutally kill an elf!  Dogbert loved a good elf beating! Then somehow the elves knocked poor Dame Juicy Drench out! An elf! It was a little confusing for Dogbert, thats not whats supposed to happen.

 

The elves surrounded the ogres, but Lennifer strode forward, ball in hand and threw it down the pitch to the waiting snotling.... But obviously the snotling was stupid and was stood in the wrong place. Completely the snotlings fault, definitely not his beloved's!

 

Of course, the elfs did the girly dancing and threw the ball back to their players and scored. Dogbert joined the crowd - BOOOOOO!!!!!!

 

The match got underway and Lennifer had spotted the minotaur waving at her. Clearly wanting to impress hims, she picked up the snotling holding the ball and threw him as far as she could. It was glorious!! The snotling had no idea what was happening, but somehow managed to land and run in to even the score! 

 

Dogbert was charging around the box hooting and cheering! The staff were getting more and more anxious!

 

The match got back underway, and the elves started dancing around again. The ogres tried to hit them, but they were like dust in the wind. And just before half time they scored to take the lead. Dogbert saw Lenny laughing as he went in. This made Dogbert very angry. Lenny shouldn't laugh.

 

The second half started and Lenny came out still laughing with his team mates. Dogbert saw red and charged on to the pitch, knocking Lenny over. The crowd saw this and joined in and there was a full on pitch invasion leaving players on both sides on the ground!

 

Dogbert knew he was not allowed to permanently hurt Lenny, it was against the TV show rules, but he was glad he had been able to give him a quick smack!

 

Unfortunately, the pitch invasion did little to help the ogres and it was not long until the elves scored again. The ogres were looking down and out. And it was no surprise the elves quickly scored again and was 4:1 up with time running out.

 

Lenny continued to laugh with his team mates, and clearly Lennifer had seen this. As the match got back underway, the snotling that had the ball was picked up by Lennifer and thrown at Lenny's head. Unfortunately the snotling missed and crashed face first in to the dirt and ball landed in Lenny's outstretched hand. 

 

Lenny considered being a gentleman, but his inner elf took over, and with his friends ran up the pitch and scored. The final nail in the coffin. 5:1. Dogbert had to admit, the elfs did dance very good, and Lenny was a hell of a player!!

 

Lennifer spotted Dogbert and saw that despite watching the match he was waving and smiling at her like they had won. "You were amazing" shouted the minotaur. "That was the best snotling throwing I have ever seen" beamed Dogbert. 

 

Lennifer only had time to smile in return as she was ushered in to the dressing room by her coach. 

 

Dogbert was happy with that. A smile from Lennifer was better than any stupid bloodbowl match! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

@Suido and @brocCooLi it has been a pleasure writing with you guys, may the best Minotaur win! 

 

Edited by Fantus

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