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C2MC

The Bachelogrette: Episode 5

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The picture fades in from black... we're not in the fancy garden anymore. Our contestants are gathered around a roaring fire, deep within a pit. The perfect place to share true tales of legend. The scenery resembles an old-fashioned Ogre feast. Stone slabs are set all around the edges, forming makeshift tables and chairs, places for our guests to sit and talk. Then, there's steep decline, leading to the pit itself. It's enormous, at least 20  yards in diameter. Right in the centre, a large fire roars. A rusty cage surrounds the mound of flame in a desperate attempt to contain it. A Handsome coach steps from behind the pillar of red and orange,... but Lennifer is nowhere to be seen.

 

"Greetings, gentlefolk." the Handsome coach begins his speech. "Lennifer and I have heard your tales and poems and we must say that you've all done an extraordinary job this week. I can honestly say that we chose a very poor week to eliminate two contestants since none of you deserve a rock to the head after the fine work you've put in."

 

"Dogbert, your tale of F'Urdan Frostfoot was big, loud and cinematic. A sad, yet heroic tale of sacrifice against an unstoppable enemy."

 

"Lenny, you masterfully crafted multiple story threads in to one to achieve your goal of exploring the story of Og-dor, ocean man, the crust of a tan man imbibed by the sand soaking up the thirst of the land."

 

"Hench-Gobbo took it upon himself to create a wonderful poem about the glory of big bellies. The Troll King's demise, but the Goblins will rise!"

 

"Mister Turner had his story take a bit of a left turn, steering away from the obvious literal splitting of a mountain. You did your own name justice, good Rat."

 

"Nes, your ode to Longpunch was as shakespearean as they come. Well written, well told with sass and class, we expected no less."

 

"Hans, you also subverted our expectations with your interpretation of Dustbreath. No Fire-breathing gone wrong, no, another one just... bit the dust."

 

"Ally, your story of the Ogre who bit a Beast of Nurgle had a promising start... but it kind of went south real quick near the end."

 

"And Snookie, you may have misheard and/or misread your assignment. But your poem about the Orc Brusher was FANTASTIC!"

 

"But now comes the time, when two of you must be sent home" the Handsome Coach continues as he raises his hand.

 

We hear the thumping of heavy footsteps, the sound grows louder and louder. *thud, thud, thud, thud* The pace quickens. Out of the darkness, a hulking beast jumps in to the pit, spreading dust and sand everywhere. The smoke from the fire-pit spreads in all directions due to the massive impact. Slowly but surely, the smog clears... revealing Lennifer, huffing and puffing. She's not wearing any fancy dresses, breast-plates or trinkets. Just simple Ogre attire; some rags and cloth, hastily stitched together by Gnoblars and her own custom-made Women with Attitude gut-plate. Lennifer bellows and roars as she smashes her fists against her gut-plate.

 

Slightly scared, but pretending that he isn't, the Handsome Coach explains what's about to go down. "All of your stories were so grand, so creative that it was impossible for us to call any of them worthy of your elimination. But the show must go on, so we will take a different approach... gut-barging!". Lennifer continues to holler and slam her hands against her belly, as if she's riling up the crowd. Only Ally seems to understand what's going on as he's enthusiastically wailing and waving his arms around.

 

"For those of you who're uneducated..." the Handsome Coach tries his best to talk over the two shouting Ogres; "Gut-barging is where two contestants grab each other by the belt and try to push one-another down to the ground. The first one to buckle, is the loser. It is a contest of girth and might and a proud tradition of the Ogre race. Usually, the winner gets to eat a part of the loser, but in this case you'll just be eliminated from The Bachelogrette... to keep it civil."

 

"Snookie, you're up first!" the Handsome Coach shouts as he points towards the ever confused-looking Golem. With the agility of wooden board, Snookie tumbles in to the pit and is immediately bull-rushed by Lennifer. She pushes her big gut up against Snookie and grabs him by the waistband. "YOU HOLD! YOU TAKE!" Lennifer screams as Snookie slowly puts his big hands on Lennifers belt. The contestants grow silent as both Snookie and Lennifer begin to strain, focusing all their energy and power on pushing down without giving up an inch themselves. All you can hear are their muffled groans and the crackling of the fire-pit as the two giants put their strength to the test. The other contestants watch on in awe... when suddenly, a strange noise breaks the tension. It almost sounds like... wires snapping. Before anyone realises what's going on, Lennifer falls forward on to Snookie. The Golem's legs are still standing, but they're no longer attached to his body. Victorious, Lennifer rises up and hands Snookie his cut-off, broken legs. "You fight 'ard, you strong. But not strong enough." she says, not realising that Snookie can't really walk away from this whole ordeal since his legs just got snapped off.

 

Without skipping a beat, Ally jumps down in to the pit "ME NEXT!" he roars. "Good..." Lennifer replies, "Now I no needs to hold back!". The tyrants clash their bellies together and firmly grasp the other by the waist. At first, it almost looks romantic, their faces close together, like a dance by the fire-light... but once the gut-barging actually starts, all off that goes straight out the window. Both Ogres belch and bellow, their muscles pumping and straining. The force they're putting on each other is so tremendous, you'd swear the ground underneath them is about to collapse. With neither Ogre giving any ground and their howls becoming louder and more thunderous with every passing minute the other contestants grow more enthused. "You can do it, Lennifer!" Hench-Gobbo cries out. "Yes, my dearest, smack that peasant in to the ground!" Nes follows-up.

 

Empowered by her suitors, Lennifer lets out a deafening roar as she puts all of her might in to one last push. Ally tries his best to hold but he cannot endure it any longer. Slowly but surely, his right knee begins to buckle until it eventually hits the ground and the contest is over... . Covered in sweat, Lennifer falls back. A gang of Gnoblars immediately tends to her with cool towelettes and some ale. Ally is left on his knees, defeated in both strength and spirit. Lennifer stands up and extends her hand to her opponent; "We do again sometime. Maybe next time, you stronger. Prolly not, but you nev'r know."

 

As both of the Ogres make their way out of the pit, completely oblivious to the fact that Snookie is still stuck there without any legs, the handsome Coach speaks up again.

 

"And so, Snookie and Ally have been eliminated from The Bachelogrette! @wismerhill and @Rymdkejsaren, as always, you're allowed to speak your parting words and share your goodbyes before heading home. For the rest of you, we have a new task! To test if you're qualified to raise an Ogre's child, you will each take care of tiny, baby Ogre for one day! This little Ogre was the main character in the Women with Attitude's journey during Season 7 of the OCC and he's eager to learn how to become a great Blood Bowl player! So get your parenting-pants on @brocCooLi, @Fantus, @Waleed, @Borke, @Sliceanddice, @Suido and show us that you have capable parenting skills!

Edited by C2MC

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The goblins unflinchingly collect the broken parts of Snookie in a wheelbarrow and wheel him out. He attempts to wave on the way but his arm falls off and lands twitching on the ground. The goblins don't seem to notice and leave without it.

 

But he's gone two matches without a brain, so he'll probably be all right.

 

Thus ends Snookie's aspirations to romance.

 

:gutted:

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1 hour ago, Waleed said:

...ah, we are pseudo fathers for a day...

Speak for yourself, I'm a Suido father

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This is all as meant to be. Some douche will win this show, Lennifer will get bored within days and then Ally will be right there with his big shoulder.

 

Alls well ends well.

 

And i really shouldnt try to write fluff drunk

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10 hours ago, wismerhill said:

Ally's well ends well.

FTFY

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btw, has anyone seen a key that Nes seems to have misplaced?

a small award could be given if the key finds its way back to Nes.

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Ally gave it to his grandpa, so when his clan raids your home, it wont count as burgling as they had a key :)

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45 minutes ago, wismerhill said:

Ally gave it to his grandpa, so when his clan raids your home, it wont count as burgling as they had a key :)

 

Please don't hassle the contestant that're still in the running for winning The Bachelogrette or we will be forced to remove you from the premises.

 

Violently.

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Tiny, Baby Ogre is getting sad and lonely, dear contestants.

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7 minutes ago, Waleed said:

...when is the deadline?
Thanks :).

 

Saturday, good sir.

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Just now, Rymdkejsaren said:

Bet Lennifer's regretting punting Snookie in favour of these slackers! :P 

 

All we regret is not seeing the poem about an Orc Brusher.

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1 hour ago, C2MC said:

 

Saturday, good sir.

 Thanks for the quick reply :)

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Nes turnes up early to pick up Tiny Baby Ogre. First they eat a big breakfast together, containing oatmeal, toasts and orange juice.

 

"So, I thought we should go and watch a blood bowl game first. My team is playing against some halflings before lunch." Nes says and is greeted by a big smile from Tiny Baby Ogre.

 

Nes and Tiny Baby Ogre arrives at the stadium and gets seats right behind Nes team.

 

Tiny Baby Ogre is really excited and starts cheering as soon as the team starts to get into position.

"Ok, that was the halfling team Tiny Baby Ogre. I know they are more your size, but its the wrong team. But sure, they seems really happy that you cheer for them." Nes says with a smile.

 

After a while Tiny Baby Ogre runs away and screams to the coaches in both teams.

"Wow, Tiny Baby Ogre, I really appreciate that you helped out coaching. But it will be better if you just keep it to one team." Nes comments.

 

"No, wait.... Tiny Baby Ogre, that is still the halfling team. Ok, its actually impressive that you know so much about this game already. But you just told the halflings how to stand and defence perfectly. The elfs need your help more. But you are really good at this game!" Tiny Baby Ogre looks up at Nes with a big happy face.

 

Close to the end of the game there are some turmoil and some of the crowd gets on to the pitch. Tiny Baby Ogre looks up at Nes that nods "Yeah, go crazy!" and with that Tiny Baby Ogre is off and runs on to the pitch.

He manages to knock down 8 players in total, 4 in each team, before the judge get control of the situation again.

"Wow! That was some nice hitting you did!" Nes gives Tiny Baby Ogre a high five.

 

After the game, that ended with a 2-1 win to the halflings, Nes takes Tiny Baby Ogre to grab some lunch. Burgers and fries and some nice Orca Cola to that. They eat up there lunch and Tiny Baby Ogre makes a satisfying burp when he is finished.

 

As a afternoon activity Nes takes Tiny Baby Ogre to a carnival to ride some attractions and look at some funny animals. Nes also wins a fluffy ogre teddy bear in a stand and gives it to Tiny Baby Ogre.

Times fly by and Nes is reluctant to bring back Tiny Baby Ogre, but he does of course. They share a small supper and before leaving, Nes tucks Tiny Baby Ogre in and reads him a night time story about his favourite ogre hero.

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EPISODE 5

 

 

Hans turned up at 0700 hours, as requested and instructed to, for his day with Tiny Baby Ogre.

Hans took him out for a huge slap up breakfast – anything that Tiny Baby Ogre desired, and asked Tiny Baby Ogre about what he would like to do for the day.

Tiny Baby Ogre explained that he wished to become a Great Blood Bowl player: Hans asked for him to relate his Blood Bowl experiences to date, so that Hans could plan the day.

 

Tiny Baby Ogre had grown up with only his a stone Rhinox, the Renaissance Bot, for company. He had walked three days to Khemrtadt, where he saw the Ogre Team – The Women with Attitude - facing K Nation, some Khemri.

Hans noted that Tiny Baby Ogre had good drive, determination, and stamina.

The Women with Attitude let Tiny Ogre Baby be their Bloodweiser baby, and he had walked up north to see the game against some Amazons – who had also liked him, let him be in a group photo with them, along with giving him a big helmet…ready for him to see the next game against Onyx – Skaven with some Blitzer Claw.

Hans noted Tiny Baby Ogre was popular with women.

Next game Tiny Baby Ogre saw was Orcs, then Nurgle who ripped through his beloved Women. Tiny Baby Ogre had helped patch up his team and spent a whole week helping Ellen, the team Captain, recover and learnt much about the basics of Blood Bowl from her.

Hans noted Tiny Baby Ogre was a good Medic, and able to grasp Blood Bowl introductory tactical plays.

Tiny Baby Ogre had also seen games against Vampires, Dark Elves and Underworld, and has been invited to the end of Season 7 party where he had seen the Fashionistas (Amazons) be man mad, and seen how different races dealt with the end of season’s highs and lows.

 

Hans noted Tiny Baby Ogre was worldly wise in the spread of Races who play Blood Bowl, and was not interested in hanky-panky with the opposite sex.

Having thought hard on what Tiny Bbay Ogre had told him, Hans explained how the day would unfold for Tiny Baby Ogre...

They set off to Nuln via private Gyrocopter and:

0900-1200  they had a session with the Engineers of Nuln to make Tiny Baby Ogre’s Helmet claw-proof.

It worked – Tiny Baby Ogre was very happy and enjoyed some blocking with various victims….er…volunteers, when Hans showed Tiny Baby Ogre the value of Piling On.

Out of 36 successful Pilings-On Tiny Baby Ogre managed to kill four Goblins and three Skavenslaves.

1200-1400 they had a large lunch, accompanied by the Nuln Naughty Cheerleaders, who were highly attracted to Tiny Baby Ogre.

1500-1900 A gyrocopter flight to a Blood Bowl Training Facility one hour’s walk away from Tiny Baby Ogre’s home. At the training Facility Hans put Tiny Baby Ogre through some more Blood Bowl Practice -  this time blocking and fouling plays.

1900-2100 Hans provided Tiny Baby Ogre with a Huge Banquet in Tiny Baby Ogre’s Honour, then a group Photo Shoot, with “Do or Die…” – and one large Photo signed by all the players for Tiny Baby Ogre.

 

2100-2200 Hans and Tiny Baby Ogre had a post Dinner relaxing walk back to Tiny Baby Ogre’s home, escorted by Hans and (some of his other former colleagues) a Close Protection Section of Altdorf Secret Service Ogres.
 

It had been a full day and Tiny Baby Ogre Blood Bowl suddenly Blood Bowl blocked Hans to say thank you – Hans was very impressed – especially as Tiny Baby Ogre Piled On onto Hans too….

Tiny Baby Ogre was amazed to see Hans simply get up - in his tailored suit, not even dressed for Blood Bowl – and congratulate Tiny Baby Ogre on his Piling On Prowess. Hans explained he had faced many Piling On Players, and his two previous careers: in the Special Forces and in the Secret Service, had taught him much in how to stay alive and unharmed….

Tiny Baby Ogre and Hans parted ways, firm friends.

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Dogbert sat down with a massive groan and sigh. He had just handed the tiny ogre back, and he was shattered!! How the hell did it have so much energy?!? It's not natural! But despite most of his body aching from crawling around and bending over all day, Dogbert had quite enjoyed himself!

The day had started with Gnoblar Bowling. Tiny ogre had quickly gotten the hang of rolling the giant iron ball down the aisle in to the gnoblars who all had a foot nailed to the ground! Dogbert had even managed to show him his old party trick of throwing the ball from his horns, crushing a whole group of them for the perfect strike!

After Bowling, Dogbert took tiny ogre swamp swimming! Not many things are more fun than swimming in mud while wrestling any skinks they found lurking in the shrubs! They did happen upon a particularly large Krox, sleeping in the mid morning sun, but Dogbert wisely redirected tiny ogre before he smacked it on the head with a large stick he had found.

Tiny ogre had worked up quite the appetite with all this, and Dogbert treated him to a squig burger (reduced salt, obviously) and some 'Eye Scream' desert.

After lunch came the jousting. Dogbert had arranged for Boof, the rescued direwolf, to have a small saddle attached. It had taken a lot of coaxing and a few bites and scratches, but eventually it was on. Tiny ogre, along with a 5ft piece of sharp steel was soon charging around on his new faithful steed, stabbing half of the local town in the ass! Fortunately with Dogbert following in his wake, not many decided to complain too loudly.

Of course some of the more gentle people may suggest strapping a baby to a frenzied giant wolf and arming him with a deadly weapon is not 'safe parenting'. But then you could equally argue that asking a Minotaur to babysit is perhaps not the gold standard!

And to end the day, Dogbert helped tiny ogre make his very first gut plate. A quick trip to the local junkyard was and a few copper pieces game them access to whatever was lying around. Using an old wooden dish as a base, and nailing on lots of bits of metal and wood they found, they soon had an oversized gut plate fit for a king (a very poor and small king!). Regardless of its sorry state, tiny ogre seemed to be very happy with it, and Dogbert felt a moment of pride when he watched him put it on.

And then the day was done, tiny ogre was collected by the handsome presenter and Dogbert sat down for what felt like the first time all day.

The Minotaur opened a bottle of cheap beer and relaxed. Dogbert decided he liked kids, but he also liked handing em back!
 

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Mr One-Turner shows up in a tabard with archery target painted on his chest.

"Excuse me, my luv. I have lost your offspring in the sewers where i live. I'm ready for punishment."

 

------------------------------

Sorry, but because of some personal issues my head is occupied with other things and I can't come up with a decent fluff.

That was fun competition and I'm realy glad that i was able to participate.

 

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40 minutes ago, Sliceanddice said:

Mr One-Turner shows up in a tabard with archery target painted on his chest.

"Excuse me, my luv. I have lost your offspring in the sewers where i live. I'm ready for punishment."

 

------------------------------

Sorry, but because of some personal issues my head is occupied with other things and I can't come up with a decent fluff.

That was fun competition and I'm realy glad that i was able to participate.

 

 

You're still beating out @Suido and @Borke at this point, they haven't taken tiny, baby Ogre anywhere. At least with you he got to see some Skaven scenery.

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2 minutes ago, C2MC said:

 

You're still beating out @Suido and @Borke at this point, they haven't taken tiny, baby Ogre anywhere. At least with you he got to see some Skaven scenery.

 

Gosh, I'm sorry! I totally forgot (not the baby Ogre, she's fine!!). I will try to get creative tonight.

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Excuse me? Tiny Baby Ogre had an amazing playdate with Lenny. I just haven't written about it.

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No, I'm sorry, the writing mojo has left me, I don't think I will be able to put anything together tonight, and tomorrow I'm gone the whole day.

 

@C2MC, Hench-Gobbo #3 wishes Lennifer and her lucky bachelor all the best. This has been great fun, a truly amazing contest, and I'm happy I got this far :D

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