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The Bachelogrette: Episode 2

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All of the contestants are gathered in front of the garden podium. Lennifer stands next to a small table with a single rock on it.

 

A Handsome Coach steps up to the podium and addresses the crowd. "Good evening, Gentlepeople. As you know, normally the Bachelogrette would talk to each and every one of you and then give a rose to the contestants she wishes to remain in the competition. That takes a long time so we've decided to simplify the process." The Handsome Coach turns to Lennifer; "Lennifer, please pick up that rock and toss it at the bachelor you'd like to exit The Bachelogrette." After a solid minute of processing this command, Lennifer picks up the rock and power-bombs it towards the contestants.

 

It hits Karlmann King square in the face. The Black Orc grumbles a bit, but he doesn't seem to mind that much, he's used to taking hits. "Why did you choose Karlmann King, Lennifer?" The Handsome Coach asks. Lennifer shuffles her feet around for a few seconds before replying "Me was aimin' for Hans, 'onest. But King same problem, very silent. Me want a man strong and loud and fierce!" The Handsome Coach chimes in, "Yes, it's true that both Karlmann King and Hans Gruber made little effort to impress you when you first met them. The Bachelogrette has spoken, Karlmann King, you may leave the grounds. Watch out for the Goblin Landmines on your way out... ."

 

The camera zooms in on Karlmann King's face as he turns around and stumbles away, holding his hand over his cheek. Not because he's upset, but because he just got hit by a freaking rock. Sad music plays in a cheap attempt to make whoever's watching the show feel some sort of emotional connection.

 

"To all of you who remain, your chance at love with the Bachelogrette is still there! This week, you'll be allowed to take Lennifer on your first date. Please note that you'll have to pay for it yourself, our production budget doesn't cover anything beyond this set. Let your imagination run wild and try not to do anything that we're not allowed to show on Cabalvision, you bunch of perverts!"

 

The Handsome Coach leaves the stage and Lennifer looks over the remaining contestants. She seems excited,... and quickly glances to Dogbert. "I like your face too..." she tries to whisper but accidentally shouts. Embarrassed by the awkward confession, Lennifer wobbles off the stage.

 

Contestants!

 

@brocCooLi, @wismerhill, @Fantus, @Waleed, @Borke, @Rymdkejsaren, @Mongloom, @Sliceanddice, @Suido.

Please let us know where you took Lennifer out this week and how the experience went. Don't plan anything for this Sunday, though, because Lennifer has plans!

 

@El Maldito, Karlmann King is allowed a few parting words if he feels the need to vent. Thank you for playing!

 

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Sunday 03/01/2019 - 09h00 UTC

:lizard:TIKAL HEART OPENERS  VS WOMEN WITH ATTITUDE:ogre:

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Hans had had a tough MD1: he was smothered and crowded by many Dark Elves...he had managed fo floor two of them but was floored twice back and flatten stunned once, for a few minutes - he had managed to run with the ball for 44 yards.
...plus he did manage to crowd surf an arrogant opponent in the game :cool:.

He realises he was extremely lucky that Lennifer has gave him a second chance...and he appreciates it

[out of The Bachelorette - I had not joined the Club and so was unable to post....oops.....I had thought I had to receive an invite first! .....realised I should join myself- did so, and can now post for Week 2 :D ........back to Lennifer.)

Hans is taking Lennifer out later this week, on Friday night (8th February)...he will post how it went by 1900 hours Sat 9th....

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7 minutes ago, Waleed said:

Hans is taking Lennifer out later this week, on Friday night (8th February)...he will post how it went by 1900 hours Sat 9th....

 

The production crew looks forward to your tale to come!

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[...ahem..out of roleplay, realised the Week 2 tasks runs from Wednesday to Tuesday....]

Hans Gruber has sent Lennifer a Message via CTE (Chaos Teleport Express) - he used Swarzenegger's Heart (A Human Ogre that Arnold. J. Rimmer III, a team mate, killed on MD2 and generously donated to Hnas...) - the date will be on Monday night, and he'll let you know how it went by Tuesday night....

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3 minutes ago, C2MC said:

 

The production crew looks forward to your tale to come!


Ah, a roleplay question: what is the time allotted for each task?
....and specifically, by when do we have to have our Week 2 Task reports posted into this thread by?
Thanks! :D

 

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17 minutes ago, Waleed said:


Ah, a roleplay question: what is the time allotted for each task?
....and specifically, by when do we have to have our Week 2 Task reports posted into this thread by?
Thanks! :D

 

 

We air our episodes on Saturdays, you do have a full week!

Edited by C2MC

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2 hours ago, C2MC said:

 

We air our episodes on Saturdays, you do have a full week!


Thanks for the quick reply :)

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@C2MC Mr Natural One-Turner is recovering from his injury. Because of that he got enough time to take a participation in special course of Ogre's Language. 

 

Rat, wobling, enters the room and looks at magnificent ogre woman

Ma Luv" - He Squicked deeply - I wrot da poem

He clears his throat and starts reciting:

"Roses are red 

Violets are blue 

I like your face

Ughh

 

Last verse me bonehead couse ya buity"

 

 

Rat makes simple, clumsy bow and smiles akwardly with complacence waiting for opinion of his beloved one. 

*********************************************************************************************************************

 

After his display of (lack of) poetry skills One-Turner continues.

"Me prepared special date for ya" - he says trying to squick as deep as possible, grabing Lennifer by her hand - "Follow me"

They walk a little bit to the nearby mountain. One-Turner guides ogre woman to the cave. When she enters, firstly she sees tens of red eyes piercing from the darkness. One of them are siuated a lot higher than the others, approximately at the high of Lennifer's eyes. Suddenly hundreds of warpstone torchess enlightens the cave exposing a fighting arena with great, black-furred rat-ogre inside of it.

"Ma pack give green stone to ma cousin to change him. He will be your sparrin.... i mean.... punching bag for this evening." - after this exposition rat moves to the left side of cave to the object covered with dirty gray canvas. When he removes it, Jennifer sees two horses on the large stone table. Both skinned, one rosted and one raw. - "Me heard you like horse, but me don't know ..... ugh..... raw or cooked. So me prepared little snack for ya and options to choose from, ma luv."

 

Rat starts to smile nervously hoping that Jennifer would like this kind of gift. 

 

 

Edited by Sliceanddice

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Do not you love me?.

 

My body is green, like yours.

 

I am smaller than you, and I am not very agile either, but you lose the true love, the orc that understands you, that would clean your drool with pleasure and that would massage you with anxiety in those places where now I am forbidden to look.

 

My eyes ... they have been looking at yours since I arrived here, and now I notice how my heart is dying. I'll have to shower with cold water quickly ...

 

I wait for you outside, I know that you will reject all these suitors and that you will return to me, running awkwardly and crying for my green body.

 

Always yours, Karlmann, your King.

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"Oh Lennifer, my heart aches when i think about you" Nes smiles at the ogre and bow deeply.

 

"I have ordered my parents to free their small summer palace for us. There will be a banquet with lots of food to eat and wine to drink. And for entertainment i hired some former blood bowl players to fight each other in a small cage."

 

Nes puts his small hand into Lennifers big hand and walks towards the carriage that will take them to the summer palace.

"I heard that you scored a touchdown in your latest game. How impressive! I myself also managed to score a touchdown in my latest game, probably more luck than skills like the ones you have Lennifer. And then the undeads was so angry so they put me in injury box, but you dont have to worry about me. It was nothing serious." Nes smiles as the two sits down in the carriage and begin the travel to the summer palace.

"I also heard you were hit by a lightning bolt. Those damn wizards! Im really happy that Dogbert killed the bastard for you." Nes smiles at Lennifer.

 

When they arrive at the summer palace Nes shows Lennifer the banquet room where 5 big tables are full with food, all sorts of meat, fish, bread and wine. Two big doors are standing open leading out to the garden where a cage is set up.

To the side of the cage stands two snots, two goblins, two halflings, two trolls, two humans and two minotaurs.
"I hope you will enjoy this evening in my company dear Lennifer." Nes says and kisses her hand.

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On 2/3/2019 at 3:45 AM, Sliceanddice said:

"Ma pack give green stone to ma cousin to change him. He will be your sparrin.... i mean.... punching bag for this evening." - after this exposition rat moves to the left side of cave to the object covered with dirty gray canvas. When he removes it, Jennifer sees two horses on the large stone table. Both skinned, one rosted and one raw. - "Me heard you like horse, but me don't know ..... ugh..... raw or cooked. So me prepared little snack for ya and options to choose from, ma luv."

 

9 hours ago, brocCooLi said:

When they arrive at the summer palace Nes shows Lennifer the banquet room where 5 big tables are full with food, all sorts of meat, fish, bread and wine. Two big doors are standing open leading out to the garden where a cage is set up.

To the side of the cage stands two snots, two goblins, two halflings, two trolls, two humans and two minotaurs.

 

Similar ideas but very different settings. Will Lennifer appreciate Mr Natural One-Turner's attempt at Ogre proze or will Nes' incredible amount of gold prove to be superior?

 

13 hours ago, El Maldito said:

Always yours, Karlmann, your King.

 

:gutted:*Sad Music*:gutted:

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Allyrdr knocks on Lennifers door (a sophisticated 30 minutes late, which Lennifer doesnt notice as she cant tell the time AS WELL) and whe she opens, she sees he holds a beautiful blossomtree in his hands:

'A big bookay for a big lady' he grins, Lennifer accepts them and tosses the tree in the corner of her room.

'I've heard from my mate that I sent on your last date, he was the gnoblar that killed a minotaur in that cage, that the other guys just stuffed you and made you watch silly fight or gave you some weak rat to smash around. They dont know you like I do, my dearest Lenni' Ally take Lennifer to a bloodbowl practice field and tells her:' i know how much you like the game and how much you like tough opposition so we are gonna play a good 1 on 1.'

Ally cant blame Dogbert for thinking it was sweet to kill the wizard for Lennifer, but he knows she'd like to do it herself. He had his waterboy get some other washed out wizard and gave the guy a bag of coins (the wizard didnt dare to ask what sort of coins, with the ogre hovering over him).

When Lennifer and Ally take to the pitch, the wizard walks to the centre holding a pigskin.

'Ok Lenni, when the whistle blows we both start running towards that WIZARD and...

Before Ally can continue on, Lennifer rushes towards the centre of the pitch and take a dive at the Ball Wizard holding the ball, breaking him in half. Thats Ally's cue to rush Lennifer for a evening full of fondling, hitting, crushing each other on and hopefully off the pitch as well

 

 

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18 minutes ago, wismerhill said:

an evening full of fondling, hitting, crushing each other on and hopefully off the pitch as well

 

Adorable!

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The same mad-scientist-looking man turns up at the planned candle-lit dinner for Lennifer and Snookie. He's carrying a brain in a jar.

 

"Greetings, I am Mads I. Entist, Snookie's keeper. After his injury, Snookie is undergoing maintenance -- fresh embalming fluid, new neck plugs, et cetera. But I brought the important part."

 

He places the brain-jar on the table and sits in Snookie's chair. "Oh, don't mind me. You two get to know each other," he says and starts flipping through a newspaper.

 

Lennifer, who hasn't been listening, mistakes the brain-jar for the HORSE DOVER which she heard fancy restaurants have and proceeds to snack on it. After a while, Mads looks up and simply says "Oh, dear," then picks up the now empty jar and retreats sneakily. Meanwhile, Lennifer happily scronches on some on the decoration while the waiter does what waiters do best, which is to say wait with approaching the ogre until they're fairly certain they won't get eaten.

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18 minutes ago, Rymdkejsaren said:

"Greetings, I am Mads I. Entist, Snookie's keeper. After his injury, Snookie is undergoing maintenance -- fresh embalming fluid, new neck plugs, et cetera. But I brought the important part."

 

So far the production crew figures that Mads has a better chance of winning than Snookie.

The poor Golem went from mysterious to mentally absent while his keeper does all the hard work.

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16 hours ago, C2MC said:

Similar ideas but very different settings. Will Lennifer appreciate Mr Natural One-Turner's attempt at Ogre proze or will Nes' incredible amount of gold prove to be superior?

 

Nes didnt even notice that, and it was exactly the date before Nes. he will sharp up his game!

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6 hours ago, brocCooLi said:

 

Nes didnt even notice that, and it was exactly the date before Nes. he will sharp up his game!

Nes talking to himself in a third person. Neses ego bigger than his lack of taste. Gold and silk are so ugly - Rat starts to giggle.

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Ohhh Lennifer, those poor candidates trying to impress you out of the pitch... Sid Vicious II will do again the same spectacular performance he did on MD1. We played flings on the 2nd MD and we don't like to take advantage from the stunties, don't take that game in account, Sid feels better when he faces opponents of his size or bigger ones, just like you Lennifer.

 

Keep an eye onto him, he will make you smile for one more week and don't forget... bones are always tough, never limp.

 

Bony hugs!

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9 hours ago, Mongloom said:

Ohhh Lennifer, those poor candidates trying to impress you out of the pitch... Sid Vicious II will do again the same spectacular performance he did on MD1. We played flings on the 2nd MD and we don't like to take advantage from the stunties, don't take that game in account, Sid feels better when he faces opponents of his size or bigger ones, just like you Lennifer.

 

Keep an eye onto him, he will make you smile for one more week and don't forget... bones are always tough, never limp.

 

Bony hugs!

 

so what you are saying is that Sid didnt manage to hurt even a halfling? let me and everyone else laugh.

 

Nes scored 3 out of 3 TDs in todays game in Lennifers name.

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Clack, clack, clack

 

Coach Fantus could hear Dogbert pacing the corridor waiting for him. The giant minotaur seemed to have grown in to himself but despite being 8ft of muscle and horn he still lacked a lot of confidence! If for no other reason than to stop the pacing, Coach Fantus shouted out for him to come in to his office and tell him what’s wrong.

 

I ain’t never been on a date before boss. And I don’t know what to do. I ain’t got no summer palace or like any fancy food and I don’t have much silver to my name.” Dogbert was clearly frustrated as he got louder and louder in his complaint.

 

Coach Fantus just smiled like a wise grandparent about to bestow some secret wisdom.

 

“A first date is not about being showy, or impressing her” he stated. “Its about finding the things you love and make you happy and experiencing them together. Think of a date which does that and you will be on to a winner”.

 

Dogbert repeated the words over and over in his head. What does he love and what makes him happy…

 

---------------------------------------------

 

Dogbert led Lennifer down deeper in to the city, they were now fully among the slums and old abandoned warehouses. Lennifers face was still smiling, but a line of concern was starting to appear on her brow. This only deepened as the minotaur led her towards a large old shipping yard which had a lot of noise coming from it and two particularly ugly black orcs on the door. The door orcs took one look at them and decided they didn’t really want any trouble and let them both inside.

 

The smell hit them straight away. Sweat and grime and dirty fur. The noise of dogs, squigs and direwolves growling and snapping filled the air and the room was full of a range of scum and villains from across the old world, with betting slips held high. Lennifer gasped as she realised this was a animal fighting ring, she was an ogre, but she wasn’t a monster, and betting on animal fighting was definitely not her thing. She turned her glare on Dogbert, surprised by the level of her own anger and disappointment at him.

 

Dogbert was confused by the look he was receiving from her, and started to try and explain. “The boss said what do I love and what makes me happy. Well I love animals, and fighting makes me happy!”.

 

Clearly Lennifer was not impressed with the answer and started to walk away. As she took her first step, Dogbert handed her a large wooden club, with a metal band and spikes at the top. A moment of confusion swept her up. “Whats this for?” she asked.

 

Dogbert pointed to a particularly fat chaos dwarf sat on a small stage. “He is the boss of this place. I thought you can get first hit. Though I bagsy the troll next to him, I saw him kicking his chaos hound last week”.

 

Lennifers face lit up. Dogbert didn't want to watch the animal fighting, he wanted to kill people being mean to animals! This was definitely something she can get behind. With a smile, she turned round and went charging towards the owner, club raised high, and Dogbert roaring and following her...

 

---------------------------------------------

 

The sun rose as they sat laughing on the hillside. They were arguing playfully over who had killed and maimed most people in the crowd, laughing at the way the owners head had exploded under that first hit. One of the older, more battered direwolves they had freed lay sleeping by Lennifers side, he appeared to have bonded with her quickly. Lennifer and Dogbert looked at each other and there was a moment of silence... Then the bell tolled for morning and Lennifer jumped up, she had not realised the time and had practice this morning before her match. The giant direwolf stood to leave with her, but Dogbert agreed he would after the giant doggy for her, but only on the condition that she comes up with a name before next week’s task. Lennifer started to leave then rushed back and gave Dogbert a kiss on his cheek before running down the hill to the training ground.

 

It’s extremely rare to see a minotaur blush, but after the kiss Dogbert definitely had a slightly red flush to his face.

Edited by Fantus

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12 hours ago, Fantus said:

Lennifers face lit up. Dogbert didn't want to watch the animal fighting, he wanted to kill people being mean to animals!

 

Plot twist! Dogbert really is the "mellowest Minotaur".

 

12 hours ago, Fantus said:

The giant direwolf stood to leave with her, but Dogbert agreed he would after the giant doggy for her, but only on the condition that she comes up with a name before next week’s task.

 

We will be sure to remind Lennifer to name the pup tomorrow before the show. Ogres tend to forget things.

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@Waleed, @Borke, @Suido.

 

We have yet to hear from your contestants. Please prod them, violently if necessary.

 

EDIT:

You have until tomorrow evening-ish!

Edited by C2MC

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I shall prod him, @C2MC!

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5 hours ago, C2MC said:

@Waleed, @Borke, @Suido.

 

We have yet to hear from your contestants. Please prod them, violently if necessary.

 

EDIT:

You have until tomorrow evening-ish!


Hans Gruber has written it by hoof - I will have it written up within 24 hours :).

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Oh, hey. Lennifer and Lenny, sitting in a tree, B-L-I-T-Z-I-N-G.

 

What makes a great first date? Orcavising a blood bowl game on the big screen? Dinner? Wrong and wrong. A great first date needs an activity that provides fodder for conversation and also allows room for silence, so if the conversation lapses, it's not immediately uncomfortable. It has to take the pressure off each person talking about themselves constantly as you get to know each other.

 

I had big plans. Was gonna take Lennifer ice skating, but nooo. Coach was pissed at the team for our efforts in the game this week, so he put us to work setting up his new house. What could I do? I invited Lennifer over to spend time making Ikea furniture and getting to know each other better. Turns out it was probably a better plan than ice skating. Turns out Lennifer wasn't great with an allen key, but she was a dab hand a bashing shelving onto dowels. She also got stuck in with the paintbrush, getting to work on the tallest part of the walls, and added some extra smears on the ceiling and footprints on the floor. Artistic genius. We worked well together, and you better believe there was some heavy duty flirting going on. I don't think Lennifer knows any other way, and that's great.

 

Hope she enjoyed herself as much as I did!

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