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Found 86 results

  1. Season 12, Match Day 5 - Puncher's chance VS Women with Attitude
  2. Season 12, Match Day 4 - Black Metal Gear Solid VS Women with Attitude
  3. Season 12, Match Day 3 - Preston Chorf End VS Women with Attitude
  4. Season 12, Match Day 9 - Women with Attitude VS Nurn County
  5. Season 12, Match Day 8 - Women with Attitude VS Demented Doctors
  6. Season 12, Match Day 7 - Bloody Oath VS Women with Attitude
  7. Season 12, Match Day 6 - Winter Wolf`s VS Women with Attitude
  8. Season 12, Match Day 2 - Women with Attitude VS The Mordheim Horrors
  9. Season 12, Match Day 1 - Women with Attitude VS Knights of the HardBanana
  10. On paper, Season 11 went REALLY well for the Women with Attitude. We got more Wins and Draws than losses and almost ended up in 5th place. Unfortunately, our last game was so dreadful we actually ended up 8th overall with an enormous amount of injuries sustained across the entire team. Now, 8th place is actually not that bad for an Ogre team, but when you have the potential to end up 5th right before your last match, it really stings to see the team drop down so low. Season 11 also came with our first dead gal in 5 Seasons. IN MEMORIAM Dame Juicy Drenched had been walking around with a permanent injury for quite some time, but it hardly ever got in the way of her ability to pummel goons in to the ground. She was a lovely, kind Ogre who had just learned the ability to Jump Up... taken from us too soon. Before we could enjoy Piling On + Jump Up even once. You will be missed, Dame Juicy. *Sniffles* Let us check in on the rest of the cast. Ellen Rip-You-A-Part-Ley Value: 280K Level 6 165/176 SPP Skills Acquired: Break Tackle, Block, Guard, Tackle, +AG. 7 MVP 71 Matches 2 Pass 1 Catch 6 Touchdowns 55 Casualties Inflicted 516 Blocks 6 Kills 2 Crowdsurfs 7 Casualties Sustained Coach's Notes: In one Season, Ellen has nearly doubled her amount of Casualties Sustained, but she also got in 66 Blocks of her own. All of her SPP earned this Season comes from inflicting Casualties, which is a little disappointing. I expect Ellen to be a Jill of All Trades, getting in the occasional Touchdown, Pass or Catch, but now that we have Lennifer and White Dragon, Ellen's focus has been entirely on Blocking and Blitzing down dodgy opponents. As always, Block and Tackle are her Strength and she dives in to cages like no other. A risky play-style that's starting to affect the amount of damage she takes every game. Let's hope we just got unlucky, because I would not like to see those Casualties Sustained increase too much... . Bichelle Omaha Value: 250K Level 6 81/175 SPP Skills Acquired: Piling On, +MV, Break Tackle, Juggernaut, Stand Firm. 2 MVP 64 Matches 1 Touchdown 34 Casualties Inflicted 370 Blocks 8 Kills 7 Crowdsurfs 9 Casualties Sustained Coach's Notes: Finally, Bichelle has achieved the rank of Super Star! It is unfortunate that we did not get another fancy level-up, but Stand Firm is a great skill that has allowed her to get even more Blocks in than usual. Sadly, Bichelle had on her satin gloves this Season and out of 57 Blocks with Mighty Blow and Piling On, only 4 resulted in Casualties. Since we often end up playing against team with Bloodweiser Babes, a lot of K.O.'s simply doesn't cut it... . I feel like it's been a bit of a weak Season for Bichelle and she's starting off Season 12 MNG. That's just no good! I believe in you, my beautiful, fast Ogre! Get yourself together and rip some other people a part! Amy Shawarma Value: 250K Level 6 77/176 SPP Skills Acquired: Break Tackle, Block, Guard, Stand Firm, Grab. Injuries Sustained: -AV. 4 MVP 55 Matches 2 Catches 5 Touchdowns 21 Casualties Inflicted 320 Blocks 4 Kills 2 Crowdsurfs 8 Casualties Sustained Coach's Notes: I know I mention this every damn time I do one of these Player Evaluations, and I just have to do so again. Amy Shawarma, the girl on the brink of being fired for sustaining a -AV injury very early on in her career is still here and doing better than ever. Obviously, she has looked up to Ellen as her grand example and she's been slowly climbing her way to greatness. Stand Firm and Block have made her a reliable Line-Ogre, able to stick to the little fellas and pound on them whenever she gets the chance. Now that she's also acquired Grab, holding her target close has gotten even easier. Besides the fact that she'll miss the first game of Season 12 due to an MNG, I like where she's going. Amy, keep up the good work! Lennifer Jaw-Rends Value: 240K Level 5 64/76 SPP Skills Acquired: Break Tackle, +AG, Strong Arm, Stand Firm. 8 MVP 39 Matches 8 Casualties Inflicted 85 Blocks 2 Crowdsurf 4 Casualty Sustained Coach's Notes: Still on a hot streak thanks to the constant MVP Awards, Lennifer has once again proven herself a very impressive player. It's a pity that the scoreboard doesn't keep of the amount of Gnoblars tossed, because I'd sure be interested in that particular statistic. Lennifer doesn't just get by on the judge's love though, she's managed a Pass, a Touchdown, several Casualties Inflicted and a Crowdsurf as a little cherry on top. Her Strong Arm in combination with White Dragon has gotten us out of a few tough spots and is surely one of the reasons we didn't lose as many games as we did in previous Seasons. Especially considering how little damage we did overall. Lennifer may have the horrible habit to Bone-Head whenever we just have to go for that Throw Team-Mate play, but she's still worth her weight in gold. And that's a lot of gold... . Paris Killton Value: 210K Level 4 50/51 SPP Skills Acquired: Guard, Break Tackle, +MV. Injuries Sustained: -AV. 1 MVP 70 Matches 3 Touchdowns 18 Casualties Inflicted 268 Blocks 3 Crowdsurfs 5 Casualties Sustained Coach's Notes: Disappointment, thy name is Paris Killton... . You know what Paris has achieved during the entirety of Season 11? She inflicted 1 single Casualty and got her AV reduced to 8. I swear to Nuffle, I have no idea what it's going to take to get this Ogress on track. 70 games played, only 1 game behind Ellen, but 115SPP behind Ellen when it comes to actually performing and earning some points. I was 100% convinced that Paris would be able to earn herself that 3SPP she needed for her level-up at the start of the Season and perhaps some miraculous skill-up would provide her with that one ability she desperately needs to FINALLY start putting in some work. Now, it would be rude of me to say that Paris' 6MV has never helped her get a big Blitz or Sack, but it never turns in to anything more. Paris gets the job halfway done, and then relies on the rest of the team to do all the fancy stuff like actually hurting the opposition, scoring Touchdowns and marking the ball. Even though she spends her entire life on the Line of Scrimmage, she's only managed to get 27 Blocks in. Unless she pulls an Amy Shawarma and becomes an amazing player after sustaining a terrible, permanent injury, I don't see things getting any better. I am done hoping for a brighter future for you, Paris, but I need a 6th Ogre and you're it. Swilda Ten Tons Value: 140K Level 1 0/6 SPP Skills Acquired: None. 0 MVP 1 Match 3 Blocks Coach's Notes: Our newest addition, Swilda had a bit of a dreadful introduction to the team as she spent the majority of the game marked by Mighty Zug. As with every rookie Ogre, it is impossible to brand her a heroine or a failure after just one match, especially when that match was a gruesome defeat. With our funds at an all-time low and 2 Super Stars MNG, Swilda has some big shoes to fill in Season 12. Let's hope she does not let me down! Gnoblarable Mentions White Dragon Value: 110K Level 4 47/51 SPP Skills Acquired: +AG, Sure Feet, +MA. 4 MVP 45 Matches 2 Catches 9 Touchdowns 436 Yards Running Coach's Notes: White Dragon is still worthy of being up here. His fellow AG4/Block Gnobbie Donkey Punch III would have also joined him as a Gnoblarable Mention were he not so brutally murderised in the final game of Season 11. Even with the extra point of Agility, I still feel like White Dragon falls on his face more often than not, but he has certainly proven himself a capable Runner. Together with Lennifer, White Dragon provides us that extra edge we need in dire times. And right now, times are very dire for the Women with Attitude, so the Gnoblars definitely need to pick up the pace and help the team get back on track! TEAM OVERVIEW A few players levelled up during the Season, but we never got our Leader, Dirty Player or Kick-Gnoblars back. As mentioned above, we did get a +AG/Block Gnoblar, but he didn't last very long. Even our secondary Diving Tackle Gnobbie couldn't make it through 1 Season. We also have 2 Ogres suffering some Armour Issues and in our Tier, it actually matters quite a bit, since not everyone comes in with Claw and Mighty Blow. Orcs, Chaos Dwarfs still in development and any other team with Mighty Blow essentially has 2 AV7 Ogres to pound on, and that scares me. The loss of Dame Juicy was a big hit, especially with our TV being so bloated, it'll take forever to earn enough money should another tragedy occur. If it were not for the final game of Season 11, we would've had a wonderful overview with all 6 Ogres standing proudly before you. Several Gnoblars with +AG right behind them. But now, here we stand at 1560TV, no gold in the bank and only 12 Players for our first game next Season. A rough ending to a somewhat successful Season 11 might prove to be our downfall in Season 12. Will the ladies overcome this terrible tragedy? ---------- ---------- ---------- Full gallery with all player cards can be found HERE!
  11. Season 11, Match Day 9 - Women with Attitude VS Carteret Cavaliers - WEDNESDAY 05/06 - 18h00 UTC
  12. Season 11, Match Day 8 - Revenage Of Bad Karma VS Women with Attitude - FRIDAY 31/05 - 18h00 UTC
  13. Season 11, Match Day 7 - Forces of Grimmforest VS Women with Attitude - WEDNESDAY 22/05 - 16h00 UTC
  14. Season 11, Match Day 6 - Da Tiny Titanz VS Women with Attitude - MONDAY 20/05 - 18h00 UTC
  15. Season 11, Match Day 5 - Women with Attitude VS The Cadaverous Host - THURSDAY 09/05 - 16h00 UTC
  16. Season 11, Match Day 4 - Purple Nurples United VS Women with Attitude - FRIDAY 03/05 - 16h00 UTC
  17. Season 11, Match Day 3 - Women with Attitude VS Orkhestraded Demise - SATURDAY 27/04 - 09h00 UTC
  19. Season 11, Match Day 1 - UNKNOWN STRANGERS VS WOMEN WITH ATTITUDE - WEDNESDAY 10/04 - 17h00 UTC
  20. It's late on a Friday night, the Women with Attitude's game against @Suido's P'Elvic Thrust has just ended. It was a horrible defeat. The girls did pretty well during the first half but after the half-time break, everything just fell a part. Lennifer's especially disappointed in herself because she fumbled multiple Passes. Perhaps she could've saved the game if she'd managed to throw a few more Gnoblars across the pitch? The Handsome Coach walks in to the locker room. Most of the girls are done changing and are ready to head home. Lennifer's sitting on the bench in the middle of the room. She looks distraught... . "Come on, Lennifer, you gave it your all. Didn't you have fun?" The Handsome Coach asks the sobbing Ogre. "I's never been so nervous, coach." she replies "I's tryin' so 'ard to impress erryone 'n I gots so shakey and wobbly and me aim was off and I...". "Hey, now" The Handsome Coach interrupts "You did great. The crowd loved you throughout the whole Season. You've won 4 MVP Awards! And the sun was so bright, anyone would've missed those passes. It's not your fault.. ." The Handsome Coach gently pats the Ogress on her head but it seems his words are not enough to comfort Lennifer after such a dreadful loss. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. Well, it's more of a violent bash. The Handsome Coach walks over and opens it and finds a familiar fellow on the other side. Dogbert has come to check in on Lennifer. He'd been watching the game and was hoping to talk to his Bachelogrette before she headed home. "She's all yours, bud." The Handsome Coach says as he exits the locker room and motions towards Lennifer. Dogbert slowly approaches Lennifer. He may be a Minotaur, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know a sad Ogre when he sees one. "Can I sit down?" he asks in a silent, gruffy voice. Lennifer looks up at the big beast and nods, desperately trying to hold back her tears. Dogbert makes his way over to the bench and as soon as he sits down, the whole thing collapses under the weight of the two Big Guys. "Oof." Dogbert moans as he finds himself underneath Lennifer's violent mass with several pieces of cheap wood sticking in to his backside. "Damn Elves and their flimsy benches!" he groans as he looks Lennifer right in the eyes. A moment of silence passes and both of them start to chuckle. "'s good thing you caught me..." Lennifer says as she moves her face closer to Dogbert's. "I always will..." Dogbert replies right before he throws a part of the broken bench towards to camera, killing the Gnoblar cameraman. The screen turns black. It's been a while since the last Episode, but it's finally time for the grand finale. Everyone is gathered in the glorious garden and all of the Gnoblars are wearing little tuxedo's. It's just the cutest thing you've ever seen. Lenny did not skimp on his outfit either. The Elf is dressed in his fanciest jacket and wearing a giant scarf made of Yhetee hide. Dogbert looks dashing as always, his hair slowly growing back and he even wore a tiny collar with a tie. It's the only thing that fit. Lennifer steps on to the stage sporting a brand new custom made gut-plate, depicting the events that unfolded throughout the Season. "Bachelogrette" is carved out in big, bold letters and a large rose forms the centrepiece around which there's carvings of all the places Lennifer went to throughout the show. Her sleek, black dress is so heavy and long, it takes almost the entire crew of Gnoblars to carry the tail. The Handsome Coach is right behind her, he doesn't have to dress up, he's fine just the way he is. "Gentlemen, the day is finally here" The Handsome Coach speaks "Both of you have worked hard and deserve nothing but the highest praise. But in the end, there can only be one winner... of the Bachelogrette. Lenny, you had the chance to impress Lennifer on the field. But instead, you and your team took it upon yourselves to Elf-ball the girls so hard that most of them went home with tears in their eyes. You couldn't even bring yourself to console poor Lennifer at the end of the game." "Hey, I would've!" Lenny chimes in "But my coach had me run 600 laps as punishment for my lacklustre bashing during the Season." "Excuses, excuses." The Handsome Coach retorts "It's a good thing that at least one of you two was a REAL gentleman. Isn't that right Lennifer?" he looks towards the Ogress as she steps forth and grabs the ceremonial rock in her hand. "I fumble a lot last week. But dis time it's a good 'un." Lennifer says before the turbulently whips her arm around and bazookas the rock towards the Elf. It hits him in the head so hard he even does the classic Wood Elf "spin flip" before he tumbles to the ground. Like a true lady, Lennifer lifts up her big, wide dress a little and waddles over to Dogbert, embracing the Minotaur while soft music plays in the background and rose petals are flung about all over the place. Everyone claps, except for Lenny because he's got a serious concussion and has no idea what's going on, as the couple slowly makes their way through the garden, waving at the crowd of Gnobbies as they pass. As they make their way out of the garden, towards a large, white carriage, The Handsome Coach speaks to the camera. "Congratulations, Dogbert and @Fantus! It was great to see your journey throughout this competition and we appreciate all of the effort you put in. I would also like to thank all of our other contestants for their time and all of the stories they told across these last few weeks. A final round of applause for @brocCooLi, @wismerhill, @El Maldito, @Waleed, @Borke, @Rymdkejsaren, @Mongloom, @Sliceanddice and @Suido. I will now take my well-deserved Exceptional Fluff-Award and slumber until the next Season kicks off." "Thank you all for playing!" The credits roll and the camera zooms out on Dogbert and Lennifer getting in to their carriage. Several horses huff and puff as they do their best to get their heavy load moving. A Big Guy and a Big Gal, on the way to new adventures. Together.
  21. For the first time in a while, the ladies did not end up in last place this Season! We started off with a win and things sort of petered out towards the end, but a whole Season of actually scoring a couple of Touchdowns and getting some MVP's on Ogres has really boosted our morale and our players' skills! Ellen Rip-You-A-Part-Ley Value: 280K Level 6 153/176 SPP Skills Acquired: Break Tackle, Block, Guard, Tackle, +AG. 7 MVP 62 Matches 2 Pass 1 Catch 6 Touchdowns 49 Casualties Inflicted 455 Blocks 5 Kills 1 Crowdsurfs 4 Casualties Sustained Coach's Notes: Ellen's had a bit of a lacklustre Season behind her, but now she's back in full force. 23SPP earned is not bad for an Ogre and she got those SPP by being involved in every aspect of the game. She scored a touchdown, made a successful pass and hurt plenty of little dudes throughout the entire Season. Ellen's only got 23SPP to go to achieve the coveted Legendary Player status and if she keeps up the good work, she'll get there in no time! Bichelle Omaha Value: 230K Level 5 73/76 SPP Skills Acquired: Piling On, +MV, Break Tackle, Juggernaut. 2 MVP 55 Matches 1 Touchdown 30 Casualties Inflicted 313 Blocks 8 Kills 7 Crowdsurfs 6 Casualties Sustained Coach's Notes: Ah, Bichelle. She just can't seem to get rid of her bad luck when it comes to injury rolls. Last Season she blocked/blitzed 60 times and got 1 Kill and 6 Casualties. This Season she blocked/blitzed 51 times and got 5 Casualties and 1 Kill, which is essentially the same result as last Season. It's too bad, because 3 more SPP would've pushed her over the edge and made her a Super Star! Still, Bichelle has been very useful thanks to her +MA and I'm sure that another great level-up will turn her in to the Blitzer Ogre she deserves to be! Dame Juicy Drenched Value: 220K Level 5 67/76 SPP Skills Acquired: Break Tackle, Piling On, Juggernaut, Stand Firm. Injuries Sustained: -1 MA. 3 MVP 57 Matches 26 Casualties Inflicted 290 Blocks 3 Kills 1 Crowdsurf 8 Casualties Sustained Coach's Notes: Dame Juicy got her "Sustained Casualties" down from 3 to 1 this Season, which is very much appreciated by our Apothecary and myself. Even with her -MA, Dame Juicy managed to keep up with Bichelle when it comes to hurting the opposition. 49 blocks/blitzes for 5 Casualties and 2 Kills. Now that Amy also has Stand Firm, these 2 form a pretty nice tag-team on the Line of Scrimmage and it also makes "Guard" an option for the next level-up if Dame Juicy were to stick to her non-doubles, non-characteristic rolls. For an Ogre that's been injured for some time, Dame Juicy is still pulling her weight. And that's a lot of weight. Amy Shawarma Value: 230K Level 5 63/76 SPP Skills Acquired: Break Tackle, Block, Guard, Stand Firm. Injuries Sustained: -AV. 4 MVP 46 Matches 2 Catches 5 Touchdowns 14 Casualties Inflicted 259 Blocks 4 Kills 2 Crowdsurfs 7 Casualties Sustained Coach's Notes: The second member of our "Injury Club" and the only other ogre on the team that knows Block is still here and doing just fine. As mentioned above, together with Dame Juicy, Amy can Stand Firm and provide Guard to her girls on the Line of Scrimmage pretty well. She got a ton of Blocks in this Season and has earned herself 15SPP, mainly through hitting people in the face. We had a bit of a scare when she almost got a Niggling Injury against the Disciples of Death but once again, Amy survived and in Season 11 she'll be back for more! Paris Killton Value: 210K Level 4 48/51 SPP Skills Acquired: Guard, Break Tackle, +MV. 1 MVP 62 Matches 3 Touchdowns 17 Casualties Inflicted 241 Blocks 3 Crowdsurfs 3 Casualties Sustained Coach's Notes: At last, after playing 62 matches, Paris has earned her first MVP Award. We knew it had to happen eventually... . Thanks to the MVP and the 4 Casualties inflicted, Paris is only 3SPP away from her next level-up. I'm really hoping she gets there and learns something useful, because I have ran out of ways to describe Paris' mediocre performance. She provides Guard. Unless she Bone-Heads, of course. The extra bit of movement is pretty neat, but it does very little besides getting her in the right place to provide an Assist. Lennifer Jaw-Rends Value: 220K Level 4 46/51 SPP Skills Acquired: Break Tackle, +AG, Strong Arm. 6 MVP 30 Matches 4 Casualties Inflicted 62 Blocks 1 Crowdsurf 4 Casualty Sustained Coach's Notes: Oh, we're so close to getting ourselves a Passing Ogre, I'm so excited for you, Lennifer! Lennifer's definitely the big bread-winner of this Season with a total of 24SPP earned thanks to a lovely 4 MVP Awards! Being on the Bachelogrette has it's perks, so it would seem. Only 5SPP away from what's sure to be a double roll on the level-up will make her the greatest Ogre Thrower in the history of the OCC (not sure, but go with me on this one)! We've been training the whole Season and Lennifer's Strong Arm, combined with White Dragon has definitely gotten us some clutch Touchdowns. Keep it up, Lennifer, you're doing amazing! Gnoblarable Mentions White Dragon Value: 110K Level 4 38/51 SPP Skills Acquired: +AG, Sure Feet, +MA. 4 MVP 36 Matches 1 Catch 6 Touchdowns Coach's Notes: I think it's time we got one of the Gnoblars a fancy stat-overview. And White Dragon definitely deserves it. He hides on the side, biding his time and only comes in to be thrown around by the big gals. Live long and prosper, you beautiful, tiny Stunty! TEAM OVERVIEW A ton of Gnoblars died this Season. We lost our Kicker, our Leader and plenty of other little fellas. So we're definitely on the lookout for some more utility-Gnobbies as time goes by. We did, however, get our hands on a stupid amount of +MA and +AG spread across all of our players so we have a fairly reliable 1TTD-strategy going as long as our opponent doesn't Kick his way to victory. Overall, we had ourselves a great Season 10 and a lot of the girls are very close to another level-up. Our Line of Scrimmage got a lot better with the addition of another Stand Firm-player and Lennifer has spent the entire Season practising the art of Throw Team-Mate with White Dragon and Donkey Punch III. We're still having fun and we hope to keep the ball rolling for a while. So don't forget to cheer us on and wish our opponents the worst of luck! ---------- ---------- ---------- Full gallery with all player cards can be found HERE!
  22. Season 10, Match Day 9: Battle of the Batreps. Game result page HERE! P'ELVIC THRUST VS WOMEN WITH ATTITUDE After many moons, we finally get to play @Suido, the Strayan Extraordinaire. It's very unfortunate that he rerolled to Elves, the race that defeats the Women with Attitude on a regular basis, we would've much rather faced off against his Humans. Not only is the team potent, Suido is a good coach that knows what he's didgeri-doing, so we expect nothing short of a terrible defeat. Some players worth mentioning: Freddie Mercury, Tackle, Guard, Dodge Blitzer. James Brown, Wrestle, +MA, Leap, Tackle Catcher. Lenny Kravitz, Block, Mighty blow, Tackle, Dodge Catcher. Elvis Presley, +MA, Sprint Catcher. There's no shortage of Tackle and the natural Agility and Blodgers/Wrodgers means that no Ogre or Gnoblar is safe from a takedown at any point. Suido also brings in a Wizard; a Bribe and some Bloodweiser Babes. The Thrust wins the toss and decide to Kick. Right from the get-go the Weather's here to screw us over by turning Very Sunny. A very deep kick thanks to Rick Astley 2 (Kick Lineman) makes things even worse. Amy Shawarma is not demoralised and flat out kills Bill Bailey on the first block, we're going to need a lot more of these if we're to get out of this game with a half-decent result. The Thrust send 4 players forward while the rest stays back and defends their Foster's. It's a good thing that Lennifer Jaw-Rends got the ball in her mitts on the first try. The ladies try to screen the Elves away but Ellen Rip-You-A-Part-Ley fails to bring down Freddie Mercury leaving all of the Elves in our half standing. With all of the pointy-ears swarming forward like a herd of wallabies, the ladies have no choice but to retreat and try to reduce the numbers a bit. Our plan hits a bit of a snag when Lenny Kravitz koala's out Dame Juicy Drenched while all the low AV players remains unharmed. Our backfield is now completely overrun and we resort to more... unconventional tactics. Tug of Love was knocked down on the Line of Scrimmage a few turns ago and he is in prime position to run away with the ball if we can get it over there. Things start of pretty good with okay blocks and Lennifer managing to dodge away from Jimi Hendrix 2 (Dodge, Tackle Blitzer), but her throwing arm isn't warmed up yet and the Pass is inaccurate. The Thrust has little trouble making it back to the ball, leaving plenty of players in the girls' end-zone, ready to score. To assist the Elves in scoring quickly, we roll 3 Bone-heads. Bichelle Omaha injures the kicker but there's nothing we can do to prevent a Touchdown. Turn 6 rolls around, 1-0 for the Thrust. With only 2 turns remaining, White Dragon steps on to the field, ready to even up the score. He's assisted by a Touchback after the Elves dingo the ball out of bounds. Not wanting to risk a Lightning Bolt to the dome, Lennifer immediately (after failing a Bone-Head and rerolling it) tosses White Dragon across the field for the equaliser. The Thrust has 2 more turns to play but the ladies Blitz their way in to the offence, catching the Elves off-guard. Bichelle knocks out a lineman and Tug of Love tries to make his way under the ball but slips and breaks his face, inflicting the first friendly casualty of the game on himself. The fancymen do what they do and form a screen close enough to the gals' end-zone for a touchdown on the next turn. However, apparently the Strayan curriculum does not include counting to 6 and Suido has left David Bowie (Accurate, Strong Arm Thrower) open to get his face beaten in. Paris Killton obliges and gets the Thrower down but doesn't cause any serious damage, meaning David Bowie will be able to simply get up and toss the ball around anyway next turn, assuming he makes to pick-up. Things work out pretty much how you'd expect and a Pass and a hand-off later, the half ends 2-1 for the Thrust. The casualty boxes are surprisingly empty as the second half kicks off. The crowd, riled up by Dogbert the Minotaur, invades the pitch at kick-off and even though the ladies have more fans than the Elves, we end up with 4 Stuns against 2. This immediately kills any chance we have at defending and the Elves core again on turn 10. 3-1 for the Thrust. Keen on getting something going, White Dragon once again takes to the pitch. The kick is just deep enough to avoid a 1 turn TD and Donkey Punch III is forced to hold on to the ball for a while. Hungry for more touchdowns and Vegemite, the Elves sprint towards Donkey Punch in an attempt to take him down. Luckily, a few failed GFI's prevent this tragedy. Donkey Punch hands the ball to White Dragon and Lennifer comes in for the throw but the blinding sun makes her fumble. In a panic, White Dragon runs himself out of his somewhat-a-cage, in to the danger-zone. It doesn't take long for the Thrust to sack the little guy and score once again. Turn 13, 4-1 for the Thrust. As if caught in a time-loop, the exact same set-up takes place for the 3rd time, but the kick allows for a 1TTD this time around. Donkey Punch manages the pick-up and hand-off to White Dragon but Lennifer Bone-Heads again, forcing our reroll early on. The throw is good, but a terrible scatter has White Dragon land next to 2 Elves and he's not capable of pulling off the landing. To salt the wound, Lenny Kravitz kangaroos the ball on the bounce, ready for another touchdown. 5-1 for the Thrust by turn 15. One more chance to score. Too bad that Donkey Punch flubs the pick-up and the scatter makes it so he needs 2 GFI's to make the hand-off. The Elves even Lightning Bolt Lennifer down to get our Strong Arm out of the way. Ellen gives it a shot, but another Bone-Head means we can't reroll the throw and another fumble ends the game. At least we got one last casualty as a consolation prize... . ----- I think that this would've been a much more frustrating game if it wasn't for the chit-chat between coaches. We needed the Thrust to fail some of their dodges and maybe a catch or two, but it just didn't happen. Combine that with the stupid amount of failed armour breaks and stuns over any other injuries, there was no way this was going to end well for the ladies. Suido could've bought no Inducements, and it wouldn't have made a difference. Ah, well. We had a good time and an overall nice Season. With a little luck, we could've ended up in 5th place, but DakaMan and MC Hammer had to go and draw. And that leaves us in 8th place. Which is still better than we usually do! Good game to Sweedo. Please look forward to our Season 10 Player Evaluation coming soon!
  23. Now that there's fewer contestants, everyone has had a lot more time to spend with Lennifer, our Bachelogrette, getting to know her inside and out. We cannot legally air the inside parts, so here's a little of the outside. Nes seemed uncharacteristically nervous after hearing about this week's challenge. His agitated state was a far cry from his usual cocky demeanour. He told Lennifer about his youth and how he never had to develop any real skill since he could just throw money at any and all of his problems. He seemed almost scared, like he finally got caught and was forced to reveal who he truly was. Lennifer and Nes sat down together and after the Elf got done pouring out his heart, the Ogress held him in her arms for what seemed like an eternity. She told him that he was special and that he had talents. After all, he was the most experienced player on his entire team! It was a lovely TV moment, where the High Elf's outer crust was finally broken to reveal a more sympathetic character we all can relate to, even for a moment... . Nes wasn't lying about his lasagne though, it was pretty killer. Lenny also showed us a side of himself we hadn't seen before, but in a much stranger way than Nes did. It turns out this Elven Catcher knows a whole lot about eggs. He had egg stories coming out of his cloaca and entertained Lennifer for hours and hours with fun, little did-you-know's and egg-facts and it was surprisingly entertaining. Did you know that Echidnas laid eggs? I sure didn't! It was fun to see Lenny and Lennifer interact and bond over such a silly subject, it really made them look like an adorable couple. Dogbert was nowhere to be found... . The entire week went by and the Minotaur did not show his furry face the entire time. Did he get cold feet? Did he change his mind? Or has a more sinister fate befallen the horned Bachelor? Perhaps we will never know... . ----- The garden looks beautiful as always, but something feels a little different this time around. Lenny and Nes are sitting in front of the podium where Lennifer and the Handsome Coach are standing. There is no trace of the Ceremonial Table or the Elimination Rock. The Handsome Coach steps forth and speaks... . "Gentle-Elves, as you may notice, there's only two of you remaining. We have tried to find out where Dogbert is hiding but alas we have come up empty-handed. This means that Dogbert is automatically eliminated and the two of you are our finalists! Congratulations!" Several servant-Gnoblars clap enthusiastically, but Lennifer phones it in for the camera. She's obviously upset. How could the big, huggable Mino just disappear like that? As the noise dies down, the Handsome Coach speaks up once more; "Normally, we'd have @Fantus come in and share a few words, but since we have no clue where he is, we're going to skip that part. @brocCooLi and @Suido, there's no real challenge for you this week... . As it turns out, the Women with Attitude are playing P'Elvic Thrust for Match Day 9 and we're all heading out for the game. Nes, we have special back-stage passes for you, so you can join the WwA dug-out and support your lovable Bachelogrette from the comfort of a bench that's drenched in Ogre sweat! And I'm sure we'll hear from Lenny after the game is over,... if he survives, that is... ."
  24. Season 10, Match Day 8: ...When Hell freezes over. Game result page HERE! DISCIPLES OF DEATH VS WOMEN WITH ATTITUDE You'd think that someone named @King Kill would be the worst coach you could possibly face, especially when he's playing Chaos. But it turns out that this man is just a big, cuddly fluffball underneath all that armour. The Women with Attitude were a little scared going in to this one for a few reasons... . The Disciples of Death bring a few giant-slayers to the table: Brute d'Bad, a Claw, Piling On, Jump Up Minotaur. Mean d'Machine, a Block, mighty Blow, Claw and Piling On Chaos Warrior. And they don't lack any ball-handling abilities either: King Kross, Dodge, +AG, Block, Two Heads, Stand Firm Chaos Warrior. Morker, +AG Chaos Warrior. Bullseye, +AG, Beastman. To top it off, the Inducements provided are a Wandering Apothecary, a Bribe and some Bloodweiser Babes. It looks like King Kill isn't too confident in his Warriors' ability to stay in one piece. The game starts off a little wonky as the girls choose to receive, since there's no Wizard, but the referee thinks we're better off kicking for some reason. Guess we'll deal with that, sure. The Disciples get to go first and here's where the lack of Guard comes in. Craznogors (Tackle, Mighty Blow, Jump Up Beastman) takes a stab at one of the Gnoblars and doesn't manage to take him down, so we Side Step one square to the left, preventing any assists on the Line of Scrimmage. To salt the wound a little more, Brute d'Bad fails his Wild Animal check and a reroll. Nuffle makes up for it a little with some good red dice, causing Dame Juicy Drenched and Paris Killton to take a dive but at the end of the turn, nobody got injured. The gals get a few hits in too, but most of our turn is spent trying to stand in the way of several Beastmen, making their way down town, walking fast, faces pass on the right flank. King Kill switches it up immediately and moves back towards the middle, attempting to juke around the Ogres but the Bone-Heads aren't showing so we're able to keep up. Thinking he's safe and sound, King Kross GFIs his way down the left flank, forgetting that Bichelle Omaha has all the tools to take him out. Bichelle Break Tackles right up against the Chaos Warrior and Juggernauts him off the pitch, causing the ball to be thrown in right in the middle of our side of the field. Most of our Ogres are tied up but we do manage to get 3 Gnoblars around the pigskin before the end of our turn. It's not enough, unfortunately, a Blitz and a hand-off later the Disciples get the ball to Craznogors and he runs it in for the first touchdown. Turn 4 ends, 1-0 for the Disciples. With 5 turns remaining, we field White Dragon and get ready to toss that sucker in for the equaliser by the end of the half. Amy Shawarma and Dame Juicy injure 2 Beastmen on the Line of Scrimmage, immediately cutting a big chunk out of the opposing team and forcing one of the Apothecaries to come out and save one goatman. Ellen Rip-You-A-Part-Ley makes it a clean sweep, pounding the last victim in to the ground right before White Dragon secures the ball. Brute d'Bad Blitzes in to Bichelle and Piles On, not even breaking armour, forcing multiple Beastmen to surround to fallen Mino to prevent a foul. The gals shuffle to the left, hoping to get ahead thanks to the commitment on Bichelle. It turns out we underestimate Brute's commitment to Blitzing every turn, though, as he gets right up and rams in to Paris, Piling On to turn a K.O. in to a Stun. Terrified of King Kross' ability to dive in to any cage, we huddle up all the way on the left flank, moving forward ever so slowly. King Kill doesn't go for it and instead moves back on to his side of the field, forming a tiny screen of Chaos, with King Kross holding up the back field. By the time turn 8 rolls around, the Disciples are in full retreat, covering the left side of the pitch but leaving the right wide open and after a couple of failed attempts at putting the hurt on a few of the Disciples, Lennifer Jaw-Rends puts her Strong Arm to use and gets White Dragon far enough down field to score right before half-time. 1-1 at half time! The second half starts off pretty good seeing as we're now outnumbering the Disciples and it's once again our turn to receive. A Touchback also gets the ball right in to Lennifer's hands, removing any risk of a failed pick-up. We don't break as many bones as we did the last time, however and even our Blitz gets lost to a Bone-Head, but we got the ball and we're ready for our offence! King Kill doesn't waste any time and by the end of his turn, almost all of his players are based against ours. The girls fight hard and manage to pull back a little, keeping Lennifer safe. There's no getting away from King Kross, unfortunately, and the Warrior Blitzes in to Lennifer for the uphill block, but gets unlucky and goes down (+ in to +). History repeats itself as the ladies find another safe spot for the ball, followed by the uphill Blitz. This time, King Kross manages the takedown and stuns Lennifer in the process. A couple of GFIs later, he's got the ball in his dodgy hands. Have no fear, Ellen's here! Our Star Player Tackles the opposing Super Star to the ground and Hot Karl III catches the pigskin on the bounce, allowing us to build a sideline cage once more. King Kross doesn't go for a third attempt, instead, Brute d'Bad wastes the Blitz and a reroll while the rest of the team piles in once more. However, with multiple players committed to the mid-field, our sideline-cage has the chance to move up quite a bit as a few Gnobbies and Ogres stay back and hold up several players. Dame Juicy even manages to kill Urak (rookie Chaos Warrior) right after Ellen K.O.'s Craznogors, removing 2 more players from the field. The Disciples catch up quickly, downing Lennifer while they're at it so we feel forced to try and run for it. Since we've got several Ogres pretty far forward, the only real threat is King Kross. King Kill is still keen on getting Brute some SPP and he finally manages to cause a casualty on an Ogre. Amy goes down hard, but the Apothecary manages to save her from a Niggling Injury. Then comes the inevitable Blitz by the Two Heads-Warrior, who makes it without even breaking a sweat. Hot Karl III bites the dust 5 squares away from the opponent's end zone. We're not without any back-up, thankfully and White Dragon swoops in to grab the ball after Dame Juicy Juggernauts King Kross away from the oval. It all comes down to this. We manage to get Ellen next to the dodgy-man while we surround him with every player we have left, hindering his final Blitz for the ball-carrier as much as we can. Nuffle smiles upon us as the first dodge fails and Ellen prevents the reroll, causing an instant Turnover. White Dragon runs it in for the 1-2, securing our victory! ----- Not having any Guard on the team and the focus on the Minotaur is definitely what gave the ladies an edge in this one. Especially since Brute wasn't very good at actually causing Casualties. Still, King Kill was a lovely fellow and he was a lot of fun to play against and to talk to. So in honour of him, here's a compilation of every time Brute d'Bad used Piling On during our game!
  25. After arriving at the luscious Brionne Beaches, the crew and contestants could not wait to get out of the steaming hot Bachelor-Bus and in to the cool water. The sun was so bright and warm, it was unmistakably the work of a Wizard's Magic Dome. As the bus' doors opened, Lennifer and the Bachelors flooded out like water from a bursting dam. To avoid prying eyes, Nes had pretty much bought up the entire area, providing everyone with a kingly hotel room and enough food and chomp-ain to last a lifetime. Even though Lennifer had gotten completely wasted on the strange, bubbly beverage she'd never had before within the first 2 hours of the day, every day... good times were had by all. Well... almost. Nobody could look past Dogbert's bald, veiny body throughout the week. The Minotaur sacrificed a great deal of hair and nerve-endings to try and appeal to Lennifer. And we're not even going to mention the speedo, it was loud enough on its own. Whatever disappointment Lennifer first felt after she saw that the mean Mino had lost his fluffyness was quickly brushed aside when he explained what he went through in the hopes of impressing the Ogress. Dogbert's strange mix of shyness, inexperience and blood-fueled rage made him an interesting fellow and he was the only remaining contestant that had the strength to carry Lennifer in to the water, like he was carrying his bride over the threshold. Nes proved himself at home under the searing sun, throwing money and swagger around like nobody's business. He was surprisingly well-built for an Elf and his natural cocky attitude made him look more appealing with every passing moment. Even the other contestants seemed to gravitate towards him for tips and advice on how to properly tackle the competition. Even though the Production appreciates Nes' enormous wealth, it did seem like he wanted to be loved by everyone so much, that he kind of forgot about the actual competition. At first, Lennifer thought that Lenny had brought a seaside-snack but it later turned out to be his pet. After a couple of minutes of flexing in his wet t-shirt he was able to convince the Bachelogrette not to eat the pup and instead feast upon his unusually tanned Elven pectoral muscles instead. Bringing a boat was a nice idea, but it sank immediately once Lennifer tried to board. Ah, well, they both had a good laugh as they tussled around in the water before whipping out the fishing poles. They sat side by side, talking about life, love and Og-dor, ocean man, the crust of a tan man imbibed by the sand soaking up the thirst of the land until the sun went down. They never caught any fish. It was very hard to track down Hans, as he spent most of his time sneaking around the perimeter of the Magic Dome, shooting random passers-by in the kneecaps. The Beastmen did not seem to care much for the whole "swimsuit idea". He promised to make time for a romantic swim at some point but we weren't able to catch him on camera at all. The guy's REALLY good at doing stealthy things. After several hours of watching a Skaven in full plated armour flailing a whip at imaginary bad guys whilst shouting about the evil sand-people, the other contestants and crew had realised that Mr.Turner had gone completely insane. Sure, it was funny for the first few hours, but everyone just kind of grew worried about his mental health after that. Too much time spent too close to Warpstone is what we're guessing. ----- The week of fun in the sun came to an end far too quickly for most of our contestants, now gathered around a large table in the middle of a private beach. Lanterns hung high above their heads, shining a dim glow in to the dark blue sky. At the end of the table sits Lennifer, the Handsome Coach on her left and the tiny table with the ceremonial rock on her right. "It's that time again, gentle-people, welcome to the 7th Episode of the Bachelogrette." the Handsome Coach speaks as he slowly stands up. "All of you had a whole week to spend on the beach, performing beach-related activities in beach-related clothing. It seems Lennifer had a pretty good time, didn't you, Lennifer?" the Handsome Coach asks everyone's favourite Ogre as she nods enthusiastically. "But..." the Handsome Coach continues "... as is tradition, one of you must leave the show tonight. Lennifer, if you'd please do the honours." The Handsome Coach motions towards the ceremonial rock. Lennifer stands up, her beach-body blubbering around with every move she makes, like a wet sack of astrogranite. She grabs the rock in her chunky hand and flips it around a few times, staring at the remaining contestants, thinking about her choice. After several seconds of deliberation, she locks on to Mr.Turner and fastballs the rock towards his plate-covered skull. It hits the rat-man... hard. So hard in fact that the rock shatters in to two pieces upon impact. One of the pieces falls to the ground, but the second one turns out to be an unfortunate ricochet and smacks Hans in the side of the head. "Erm..." the Handsome Coach groans as everything goes silent. "... that's a... double elimination... ?" he says-asks as he turns his head to Lennifer. "... Sure?" the big gal nods as she kind-of-sort-of confirms. "It's been a fun ride for all of us, Hans and Mr.Turner, but it seems like the lack of swimsuits on your end has been your downfall." the Handsome Coach resumes the show. " @Sliceanddice and @Waleed, both of you may speak some words before returning home. You should be proud you made it this far! ..." "Now that the peasantry is gone there's only 3 contestants left to choose from! @brocCooLi, @Fantus and @Suido, all of you would make a great man for our Bachelogrette, we're sure of that. But is there anything else you're great at? Perhaps you've got some hidden talent you've never shown anyone before? Well, you better hope so! Because it's time to show off what you got this week! You're to reveal a hidden talent of yours in an attempt to 'wow' the Bachelogrette." "What's your hidden talent, Lennifer?" the Handsome Coach asks the cuddliest Ogre around. "I count to seven" she replies as she holds up both her hands and six fingers total. "Amazing!" the Handsome Coach quickly interjects as the camera cuts back to him right before the screen fades in to the sunset over the ocean... .
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