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Orca Cola Championship


The Teal Council
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About Rymdkejsaren

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    Editor-in-chief at the Orca Onion News

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    Writing, the outdoors, gaming, roleplaying games.

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  1. The best tools are forged in the hottest fires! Also, most of the time this game isn't fair. Ending up in a tough division can happen in any tier. Ask my necros they've been demolished twice.
  2. Speaking unofficially as I'm no longer green, I can tell you with almost complete certainty that this will never happen due to the admin it would require, and season downtime is when the greensuits are the busiest. Just see it like you have a head start on the fresh teams, instead!
  3. Bet Lennifer's regretting punting Snookie in favour of these slackers!
  4. The goblins unflinchingly collect the broken parts of Snookie in a wheelbarrow and wheel him out. He attempts to wave on the way but his arm falls off and lands twitching on the ground. The goblins don't seem to notice and leave without it. But he's gone two matches without a brain, so he'll probably be all right. Thus ends Snookie's aspirations to romance.
  5. Also, I honestly misread it and started writing a poem about an orc brusher.
  6. I hope not. I was on vacation this week so I had to pull something out of my arse. Snookie's entry may have been disqualified, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't affect Lennifer's throwing arm.
  7. This time, Snookie is rolled in by a trio of snickering goblins. They dump him off and he wobbles a bit but stands firm with a resounding "boiiing". "Muuuuurrrgh," he says and takes out a piece of parchment and points at it. "Muuuuurrrgh," he repeats empathically and points to the Handsome Coach, who steps over and takes the parchment. He scans it and points quizzically to himself. Snookie nods. "Muurgh." The Handsome Coach clears his throats and begins to read. "This is the story of Krimple, who brushed orcs," he reads, then looks up. "Snookie, your cue was orb crusher, not orc brusher." "Duuuurrrrrr," says Snookie and facepalms. The goblin trio takes it as a cue and return to roll out Snookie, still with his face buried in his hand. Meanwhile, The Handsome Coach seems engrossed in the story. "It's actually quite good," he says. "But unfortunately, it's disqualified. That's all for now!"
  8. Mads I. Entist wheels in Snookie looking quite his old self, that is to say quite horrible. "Hrrrrrruuuuungh. UUUUURRrrrrrrrrn. RRRRRrrruuuuuuum. GGRRRRRUuuuuuuuum. HRRrrrrrrrunggh... MRRrRrrrrrghhh. BBBRrrrrrrrrnnnngh. Mrrrruuuuurrrm..." Mads clears his throat. "Snookie would like to be the four things brought to Lennifer: First he brings himself, who is Olde. Parts of him are from time untold. His brain has to serve as the New, The old one was eaten by you. The next thing to bring is his ticker Borrowed from a sleeping vicar Last but not least are his veins Blue with occasional stains" Mads bows and then wheels out Snookie.
  9. The trick is to throw out 80% of your shit when you move out.
  10. The same mad-scientist-looking man turns up at the planned candle-lit dinner for Lennifer and Snookie. He's carrying a brain in a jar. "Greetings, I am Mads I. Entist, Snookie's keeper. After his injury, Snookie is undergoing maintenance -- fresh embalming fluid, new neck plugs, et cetera. But I brought the important part." He places the brain-jar on the table and sits in Snookie's chair. "Oh, don't mind me. You two get to know each other," he says and starts flipping through a newspaper. Lennifer, who hasn't been listening, mistakes the brain-jar for the HORSE DOVER which she heard fancy restaurants have and proceeds to snack on it. After a while, Mads looks up and simply says "Oh, dear," then picks up the now empty jar and retreats sneakily. Meanwhile, Lennifer happily scronches on some on the decoration while the waiter does what waiters do best, which is to say wait with approaching the ogre until they're fairly certain they won't get eaten.
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