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Orca Cola Championship


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  1. Cor..this is superb :) ...hope you get many applicants. Due to RL I cannot play...RL is very busy until after 28th August 2019.
  2. :) It was a bit....different... ..well done @Fantus
  3. A-okay, have fun Lennifer and good luck fellow contestants - "swimsuits are not my thing" Hans
  4. To Lennifer, I am clearing out the area of any undesirables and then we will go for a romantic swim together, dressed more appropriately, and For Your Eyes Only. ...with love, Hans.
  5. EPISODE 5 Hans turned up at 0700 hours, as requested and instructed to, for his day with Tiny Baby Ogre. Hans took him out for a huge slap up breakfast – anything that Tiny Baby Ogre desired, and asked Tiny Baby Ogre about what he would like to do for the day. Tiny Baby Ogre explained that he wished to become a Great Blood Bowl player: Hans asked for him to relate his Blood Bowl experiences to date, so that Hans could plan the day. Tiny Baby Ogre had grown up with only his a stone Rhinox, the Renaissance Bot, for company. He had walked three days to Khemrtadt, where he saw the Ogre Team – The Women with Attitude - facing K Nation, some Khemri. Hans noted that Tiny Baby Ogre had good drive, determination, and stamina. The Women with Attitude let Tiny Ogre Baby be their Bloodweiser baby, and he had walked up north to see the game against some Amazons – who had also liked him, let him be in a group photo with them, along with giving him a big helmet…ready for him to see the next game against Onyx – Skaven with some Blitzer Claw. Hans noted Tiny Baby Ogre was popular with women. Next game Tiny Baby Ogre saw was Orcs, then Nurgle who ripped through his beloved Women. Tiny Baby Ogre had helped patch up his team and spent a whole week helping Ellen, the team Captain, recover and learnt much about the basics of Blood Bowl from her. Hans noted Tiny Baby Ogre was a good Medic, and able to grasp Blood Bowl introductory tactical plays. Tiny Baby Ogre had also seen games against Vampires, Dark Elves and Underworld, and has been invited to the end of Season 7 party where he had seen the Fashionistas (Amazons) be man mad, and seen how different races dealt with the end of season’s highs and lows. Hans noted Tiny Baby Ogre was worldly wise in the spread of Races who play Blood Bowl, and was not interested in hanky-panky with the opposite sex. Having thought hard on what Tiny Bbay Ogre had told him, Hans explained how the day would unfold for Tiny Baby Ogre... They set off to Nuln via private Gyrocopter and: 0900-1200 they had a session with the Engineers of Nuln to make Tiny Baby Ogre’s Helmet claw-proof. It worked – Tiny Baby Ogre was very happy and enjoyed some blocking with various victims….er…volunteers, when Hans showed Tiny Baby Ogre the value of Piling On. Out of 36 successful Pilings-On Tiny Baby Ogre managed to kill four Goblins and three Skavenslaves. 1200-1400 they had a large lunch, accompanied by the Nuln Naughty Cheerleaders, who were highly attracted to Tiny Baby Ogre. 1500-1900 A gyrocopter flight to a Blood Bowl Training Facility one hour’s walk away from Tiny Baby Ogre’s home. At the training Facility Hans put Tiny Baby Ogre through some more Blood Bowl Practice - this time blocking and fouling plays. 1900-2100 Hans provided Tiny Baby Ogre with a Huge Banquet in Tiny Baby Ogre’s Honour, then a group Photo Shoot, with “Do or Die…” – and one large Photo signed by all the players for Tiny Baby Ogre. 2100-2200 Hans and Tiny Baby Ogre had a post Dinner relaxing walk back to Tiny Baby Ogre’s home, escorted by Hans and (some of his other former colleagues) a Close Protection Section of Altdorf Secret Service Ogres. It had been a full day and Tiny Baby Ogre Blood Bowl suddenly Blood Bowl blocked Hans to say thank you – Hans was very impressed – especially as Tiny Baby Ogre Piled On onto Hans too…. Tiny Baby Ogre was amazed to see Hans simply get up - in his tailored suit, not even dressed for Blood Bowl – and congratulate Tiny Baby Ogre on his Piling On Prowess. Hans explained he had faced many Piling On Players, and his two previous careers: in the Special Forces and in the Secret Service, had taught him much in how to stay alive and unharmed…. Tiny Baby Ogre and Hans parted ways, firm friends.
  6. The Tale of “Dustbreath” Dustbreath was initially named Doombringer. He was signed up to play Bloodbowl for the Ogling Ogres, a team of Ogres who enjoyed the delights of Groupies more than BloodBowl. Doombringer was quickly thought of as weird as he would not partake in the delights of the flesh: instead he wanted to splatter opposing players, and he spent countless days learning how to Pile On. He was such a dismal failure that after his first few games he was renamed “Dustbreath” as he was face down game after game eating so much dust that his breath continually smelt of dust. He got to 99 games played without causing a single injury to an opponent and his Coach was going to “retire” him as the team’s roast contribution to a continent of Goblin fans. Dustbreath was given one more chance… …and in his 100th game he caused a kill. Through some kind of miraculous epiphany during that game, he became skilled at killing on the Bloodbowl pitch - causing caused a death in every single game he played in thereafter. He kept the name Dustbreath to remind him of his darkest days. Dustbreath retired after his 100th kill. He had been “advised” to retire by the NAF as other teams were refusing to play against him due to the guaranteed death to at least one player Dustbreath would face…
  7. Cor!..thanks for posting. Not seen it yet..am awaiting contact from another league Coach for a late night game... ..but I'll post a link into my Team post
  8. Hans Gruber had used his range of contacts to ensure he had the four gifts required for Lennifer... Something Olde: The Ogreanite Ruby Pendant. Hans had used his contacts in the Altdorf Secret Service to gather intel on where Belladonna’s Raiding Party was based. Belladonna was the psychotic Witch Elf Hans had retired from all raiding in week two. Using Borgman Steelhammer, a Dwarf Mercernary pilot, to stealth gyrocopter him into the base, Han singlehandedly broke into the iron safe of the late Belladonna and appropriated the Ogreanite Ruby Pendant which had been crafted 2400 years ago by a talented Ogre jeweller. The Ruby was the size of a hen’s egg and encased in heavy granite housing – perfectly suited to a woman of Lennifer’s stature. Something New: the keys to Airwolf - A Stealth Gyrocopter. Hans used some of his savings at the Main Bank of Aldorf to purchase Airwolf, a state-of-the art Gyrocopter. This he presents to Lennifer, with a ten year guarantee from Steelhammer. Airwolf will be able to to transport Lennifer anywhere in complete safety and secrecy. Hans has paid for a fully qualified pilot to be Lennifer’s and/or train her in how to fly it. Something Borrowed: a rare Marienburg Silk Handkerchief. Hans had sent word to Solomon Hornberg, the best dressmaker in Marienberg, who had agreed to lend Hans, in perpetuity, a beautiful 2 foot square handmade silk handkerchief fully reinforced with Khemrian cotton. Lennifer will be able to use it for whatever she needs – it has a thousand year guarantee and it is hers for as long as she wants it. Something Blue: Seeing Crystal of "Olga does Ogres." Hornberg had sent word to Hans of a remarkable tiny Seeing Crystal which contained the only (Cabalvision) recording of the legendary unique Blue Movie “Olga does Ogres”. The remarkable tale of Olga, from Kislev, who, when she was too old to perform in the circus, became a Blue Movie star, with one, remarkable film to her credit – "Olga does Ogres." She plays a lost circus performer who, in a state of wild abandon, wanders into the Ogre quarter of Marienburg and takes on Ogre after Ogre in every sexual act possible – she managed twenty before expiring, off camera, from her ordeal. Hans presents this Crystal – a unique piece of Ogre Blue Movie History – to Lennifer. Sincere regards, Hans Gruber.
  9. Just read the other entries... @Borke 's had a Witch Elf protagonist...!!
  10. The Date - Lennifer with Hans ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Belladonna’s head exploded. Hans smiled as the bucking of the Hochland Sniper rifle subsided against his cheek. The years in the Altdorf Special Forces had served him well. Lennifer was grunting next to him as she was attempting to eat his special issue binoculars. It took the Goblin Recovery Team three minutes to get the Witch Elf’s Body back to him and Lennifer and another five to get through the cordon of Gors protecting Lennifer's position. The Witch Elf raiding party managed to snatch five goblins and take out three Gors before retreating: but was unable to recover their fallen leader’s body. Belladonna Matrix would no longer raid Lennifer’s cousin’s village for babies as Hans ripped out Belladonna’s heart and gently roasted it as a delicacy for Lennifer. Lennifer had a huge grin on her face as she wolfed down the heart - this particular Witch Elf would never bother her family again. “ME WANT FUN!!” roared Lennifer as the dating Expeditionary Force made its way back to the Bachelogrette Mansion. Hans looked at the squabbling Goblins as the Gor Protection Detail dispersed at the perimeter of the Mansion. “I have a special surprise for you, Lennifer” said Hans wolfishly. He led the Goblins, thirteen of them having survived the Witch Elf onslaught, into the basement, locked them in, and gave Lennifer a big club. “Let’s play the Dirty Dead Dozen” said Hans to Lennifer, “Let one live…”. Lenneifer stomped into the basement and had a smashing time as she splattered Goblin after Goblin – Goksnak, the sole survivor, scampered out of the basement as Hans opened the door and Jennifer was attempting to count the remains of twelve Goblins. Hans let Goksnak scamper away. “FANK YOU" grunted Lennifer as she picked Hans up and hugged him so hard she almost cracked his ribcage. Hans left the mansion happy....and with his ribs very bruised. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  11. Hans Gruber has written it by hoof - I will have it written up within 24 hours :).
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