At first, I was all like, "Hell yeah, I'm a pro with the babes. This Tiny Ogre Babe is gonna get the time of its life."
Then someone corrected my mistake, and I was all like, "Ooohhhh. Baby. Right. Different. Ok, cool. I can handle that, too. Sure."
Tiny Baby Ogre likes Bloodbowl, so that made the planning easy. A Fan Experience pass to join the P’Elvic Thrust in their dugout for the game against the Tikal Heart Openers, followed by some post match fun. It was a delight to have Tiny Baby Ogre running amok in the middle of the usually boring pre-match drills, its helmet bobbing up and down as it chased balls at random. I put an old, crusty skink head on Tiny Baby Ogre’s helmet, and we practiced our tackle positioning against the tiny lizards with Tiny Baby Ogre playing the role with glee.
We won the game, no doubt due to Tiny Baby Ogre’s vociferous barracking from the dugout, and were only mildly perturbed by the second half riot it initiated. So cute!
After the game, I started the post match fun with some d’ogre-nuts and pupcorn from the snack stand and a quick chat about the game. Tiny Baby Ogre was waxing lyrical about Elvis’ one turn touchdown equaliser in the first half, but slowed, and then said, hesitantly, “Mister Lenny, you don’t seem very happy after a big 3-1 win. What’s the matter?”
“You’re a perceptive Tiny one, aren’t you?” I replied. “Alright. I’m not doing my part like I used to. I don’t know what’s happened to me this season. I can’t help but think we could be top of the table if I were playing like I did last season. Where’s the magic gone, Tiny Baby Ogre? Where’s the magic?”
Tiny Baby Ogre looked puzzled. “Didn’t you get a casualty today, Mister Lenny? That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but only one. Against a team full of skinks. Their dugout should have looked like a war zone after I was done with them. And it’s not just this game, it’s the entire season. I’ve made 52 hits, but only two casualties in five games. Before this season, I had 77 hits for eight casualties, plus a whole bunch of touchdowns, and I wasn’t as good as I am now. I was on the fast track to superstar, but the magic has gone. I don’t know what to do.”
Tiny Baby Ogre looked up at me, and said, “Don’t worry Mister Lenny. You’ll find your mojo again. Maybe when you win the Bachelogrette! You’re my favourite, for sure. The rest of the contestants took me to amazing places and we did cool things, but you’re the only one who’s taken care to listen to what I have to say. What are you writing?”
I looked down at Tiny Baby Ogre, and smiled. “Just taking notes so I can remember this day, and your company, forever. Thank you.”
The rest of the day was a blur. Tiny Baby Ogre and I took in the sights and sounds of Ullamaliztli Stadium and the surrounding city. We had a blast, and I’ll remember that day fondly. Most of all, I’ll hold on to Tiny Baby Ogre’s advice on finding my mojo again.
Who knows? Lennifer could be my mojo. I have to find out, and that means winning in love, even if I’m not personally winning on the pitch.