Season 9, Match Day 2: Is Elf-Turf made of actual Elves?
Watch the game HERE!
ZARAGUZ UPRISERS VS WOMEN WITH ATTITUDE
Why am I still awake, writing this? Well, this game was BOSS and I cannot go to sleep without trying to talk you in to watching the Women with Attitude's escapades if you have the time. We face or oldest enemy (and favourite food), the dreaded Elves. Dodgy, sneaky and very good at running away from our gals. @BBart's Zaraguz Uprisers have a couple of well developed players but the team is relatively small in the grand scheme of things. Jorge Valdano comes with Tackle, Dodge and Guard and Savo Milosevic brings the OTT threat with +MA, Blodge, Sprint and Sure Feet. Additionally, the Inducement Phase provides him with a Wizard, Hubris Rakarth and a Bloodweiser Babe.
BBart is kind enough to let us go first and our offensive half is actually pretty good this time around. We play around the Wizard pretty well, never providing a real Fireball opportunity. Our plan was to have Lennifer Jaw-Rends carry the ball, but a Quick Snap got one of our Gnobbies right under the kick-off so we rolled with it. Since Hubris was around, an Ogre carrier was still not going to be super-safe and Bone-Head is always a looming threat.
During the first half, Kandarian Bootfook puts in a lot of work, fouling to his heart's content. Maiming and even killing a few Elves. He gets brutally murdered himself a bit later on, but it's all worth it! The ladies punch, kick and throw their booties around and by the time turn 5 rolls by, we have reduced our opponent's pitch-presence by about half. BBart commits hard and a shoddy scatter sees the pig-skin ripe for the plucking by a single Catcher, lurking behind our lines.
To help us recover, the classic 4 Bone-Head turn happens. So now we have 4 ladies doing nothing but we still have a shot at the Ball Carrier. Lennifer weaves through an Elf-screen, GFI's a few times and makes contact but all she manages is a push.
Elf-things happen and it ends up 1-0 for the Uprisers on Turn 6.
Then Ogre things happen and we toss Donkey Punch III across the field, evening up the score.
BBart sets up for the OTT, but the crowd decides this game is a lot of fun and a Riot provides both teams with an extra turn. We force as many rolls on the Elves as possible and luckily for us, one of the final 2+ Dodges needed for the Touchdown fails. 1-1 at half time.
Now, most of the Elves we managed to remove were KO's, so when half-time comes around the Uprisers have a pretty solid team on the field. Bloodweiser Babes doing their thing and all that. We play super-defensive, hoping to destroy any and all Elves that make it to the back-field. Eventually, we decide to move up a bit more and pressure the Thrower hidden all the way in BBart's end-zone. This half, however, is plagued with double 1's. Gnoblars failing their Dodges and the most crucial one, Dame Juicy failing a GFI (with re-roll) after the Elves messed-up and lost the ball. It's pretty early on in our turn so we are way out of position, and the Uprisers have little trouble snatching that pesky oval object right back and run it in for the 2-1.
Good news! We have 2 turns left.
Better news! We actually get a Throw Team-Mate off on Turn 16 after BBart pressures us like an insane person.
Terrible news,... Donkey Punch III lands one square short of being able to run the ball towards the end-zone.
The game ends 2-1 for the Zaraguz Uprisers.
I'm sure I missed a few things in my quick run-down, but overall, this game was a ton of fun, very intense and filled with angry Ogres and dead Elves. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!