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    Season 7, Match Day 6: Battle for Inferiority Watch the game HERE! WOMEN WITH ATTITUDE vs BAT LOSERS If you ever needed a game to showcase why some people steer clear of Vampires and Ogres, this is the one. Usually it's pretty upsetting when you fail to perform the most basic actions, but when your opponent has the exact same problem, things get really interesting... . Before the game starts, I'd like to share some statistics. This game has: -> 15 failed Bone-Head rolls across 4 Ogres. 75% Bone-Head success rate. -> 11 failed Bloodlust rolls across 5 Vampires. 78% Bloodlust success rate. -> Vampires injuring their own Thralls while the Ogres can hardly manage a K.O. on the skinny buggers. -> Some truly terrible Block-dice from both sides. Let's get to it, shall we? ----- ----- ----- Back on their home turf, the Women with Attitude are keen on smacking some Vampires around after the mess they got in to last game. @jrpeart and his Bat Losers show up 30 minutes late and with half of their players missing. Apparently the Vampires got hungry on the way over. Bah, nothing a few crowd-volunteers can't fix! Both teams only have 11 players total so every bit of meat on the pitch matters more than ever before. 4 Ogres and 7 Gnoblars versus 5 Vampires and 6 Thralls (3 Loners). Since the ladies are down in TV, they get an additional Reroll and a Bribe to even things up. The whistle blows and the Ogres decide to try and empty the field of Thralls as quickly as possible. But the Vampires see through this plan and decide to Blitz forward with Count Cyryl the Blood Dragon (Blodge, Pro Vampire). He has a bit of trouble running far enough to catch the ball, but it's nothing his "Pro" skills can't resolve. The Bat Losers keep coming, swarming Count Cyryl in an attempt to protect him from a counterattack as they easily acquire the pigskin they kicked away only a few moments ago. The girls only have one option and her name is Ellen Rip-You-A-Part-Ley. Ellen shoves a few Thralls aside and Blitzes the sneaky Count Cyryl in an attempt to get the ball out of his hands but even with a second try, the Vampire stays up. Amy Shawarma moves in as well, in an attempt to body-block the pale creature, but a Blitz and a Hypnotic Gaze later, the path is cleared. Count Cyryl rushes for the end-zone, but all that running gives his stomach the rumblies. It's a good thing one of the Thralls happened to be nearby to secure the Bat Losers a technical 1 Turn Touchdown. 0-1 for the Bat losers. Another kickoff, another chance. Both teams stick to their set-ups, except this time, no sneaky Blitz! The action on the line of scrimmage is mediocre, 2 Thralls Knocked Out, nothing permanent. Several Gnoblars surround the ball and Amy runs in for the pickup, which she then uncharacteristically fails. Seeing another opportunity for a quick score, the Vampires swoop in, snatching the ball from right underneath Amy's gut-plate. Not wanting to fall for the same trick twice, Ellen decides it's time to actually take the Ball Carrier down this go around. The scatter sees the oval atrocity move even closer to the Vampire-infested right side of the pitch. Bichelle Omaha sets up a chain-push which returns the ball to its rightful owner, Kandarian Bootfook. The little Gnoblar hasn't had much success with his fouls so far, but he does seem to understand that picking up the ball is generally an acceptable action. Count Mannfred von Drachenfeld (Blodge, Tackle Vampire) Blitzes the tiny Gnoblar, confident in his abilities to take out an opponent not even half his size. in to . Their first action of the turn, the Bat Loser do their name justice and screw up what should have been a simple play. Humiliated, Count Mannfred takes a turn off, face-down on the pitch. The Gnoblars rally around Kandarian Bootfook, the Gnoblar who slayed a Vampire and run as fast as their little legs will carry them. Upwards and onwards! The Vampires try for another Blitz, but once again they cannot make it work, the flimsy Gnoblar-cage proving effective enough to stop Duke Maxwell the Vain (Block Vampire). Unfortunately, Kandarian Bootfook is no longer safe, a small contingent of Bat Losers has set up further down field and the Women with Attitude simply can't run forward unopposed. The Ogres catch up to their tiny brethren and a hand-off later, Amy finally gets a hold of the ball, Ellen and Paris Killton protecting her from either side. Count Mannfred, eager to redeem himself, gets up and once again ruins his team's turn with a failed Bloodlust check. Unable to find a Thrall, he leaves the field in search of sweet, sweet blood and a manual on how to play Blood Bowl. Amy stumbles forward, ever so close to the Bat Losers' end-zone. The rest of the team has only one job; to stand in the way. It's a good thing we practice that on a daily basis! Having essentially wasted 2 of their turns, the Vampires are too far back to reach the gorgeous Ogre heading for the touchdown. They can only close in menacingly and pick on some Gnoblars. The Ogres stick to their plan, get Amy closer to scoring and form a living wall to keep the bats out. It actually works! By Turn 8, there's one Vampire standing next to Amy, but no attempt was made to knock her down. To nobody's surprise, Amy somehow fails to score. She claims one of her shoelaces was untied and that's why she couldn't Break Tackle away from the Vampire, but we all know Ogre don't wear shoes, ever. The half ends, still 0-1 for the Bat Losers. A little shaken by the failed attempt, the Ogres return to the pitch. It's time to play defence. In an unexpected turn of events, the Vampires decide to contest the 3 Big Gals on the line of scrimmage. Their guts and confidence once again proves lacking as they cannot seem to make much of a dent in the Ogre front line. Inefficiency is replied to with more inefficiency in this game, though! The girls Bone-Head and make some vague attempts at what looks like punching if you stand really far away and squint, but all-in-all it's a wasted turn. Whatever is left of the team and not on the line moves back, preparing for the inevitable Vampire Drive-by. The Bat Losers move forward, munching on Thralls left and right but somehow managing to secure the Ball Carrier a little further down field. Ellen attempts to get in on the action, but a simple push won't do and Duke Zorak Draco (Pass, Dodge Vampire) remains safe, ball in hand. The soon-to-be Hero of the game, Drazan Rutkow (Rookie Thrall) breaks free and runs down field, as far away from the action as he can. Duke Zorak tries to make a Pass, inaccurate but good enough. The ball lands right in front of Drazan's feet and even though Bichelle and one of the Gnoblars get close enough to contest the pick-up, it's of no use. Drazan makes them look like fools, LIKE FOOLS! Pick-up, dodge, flip the bird and score. 0-2 for the Bat losers. Third kick-off, hardly any players left on the Vampire side of the field. Ellen gives Duke Zorak a wink and blows him a kiss as he kicks the ball and it lands out of bounds. Touchback! An Ogre's best friend. She waves to the referee, signalling she wants the pigskin for herself. 5 Turns to go and our Star Player is now all we have left to get one damn Touchdown out of this game. Ellen runs back a few squares, securing her position while the 2 Ogres in the back try and run forward. Bichelle Knocks Out Duke Maxwell and our last foul of the game sees the Bat Losers' last Thrall leave the field. The final few turns consist of a strange shuffle, as both coaches are terrified of their respective B-word ruining the most crucial moments. The ladies move up, the Vampires take out a few Gnoblars but in the end... that's all they achieve. The pale bloodsuckers have no real weapon against the ball-carrying flesh-tank and Ellen runs it in for the touchdown. Finally securing her status as a Super Star. ----- ----- ----- An unfortunate loss that could've been a draw. But the fact that we're actually contesting several games means a lot to me. For this one, the lack of Ogres AND Gnoblars meant that we simply couldn't fight hard and fast enough to ensure the Vampires' Bloodlust would cost them the game. It was going to be tough so we went in with only 1 objective, get Ellen 2 SPP. Which we did! Yay! Good game to @jrpeart. We are cut of the same, unlucky cloth him and I.
  2. 1 like
    I think this is at the upper end of the "good length" spectrum. It definitely requires a quiet moment, but it's very enjoyable.
  3. 1 like
    If you want to practice with your OCC team, just make an exact copy.
  4. 1 like
    I think what you mean is that there's an opportunity for the Shonky Saloon to go into the loan shark business. Cough. I mean, phase 2 operations.
  5. 1 like
    Season 7, Match Day 5: Float like a Butterfly, Cry like a Bitch. Watch the game HERE! SLIME PIT SLUGGERS vs WOMEN WITH ATTITUDE The players unaware, the coaches unusually prepared. The Women with Attitude face off against the Slime Pit Sluggers once more as Bantha's evil Swedish Magic does its work. Nurgle decides to receive once more, eager to cause some damage before the girls get their hits in. Kickoff, again. But to our surprise, a familiar face shows himself in the stands. @Suido chucks a rock at Wal-fagor (Block, Tackle, PTail Pestigor) as he screams in an incomprehensible tongue; "Get stuffed, ya drongo!". It's good to have allies in strange places. The kick itself is pretty good, landing all the way in the Sluggers' end zone. It will take Janus (Block, Extra Arms Rotter) some time before he can get the ball to the safety of the Nurgle huddle. Eager to fight, but unable to muster up enough Strength, a few 2 Red-Die Blocks are thrown on the line of scrimmage, both ending up in downed Ogres. Good enough, it allows the girls to disengage the Warriors on the line without having to risk a Dodge. The Sluggers keep pushing forward, only leaving 1 Warrior and 1 Pestigor behind to keep the ball carrier safe while the teams exchange Blitzes and Fouls on every turn, both squads thirsting for blood. Then, something strange happens. In their conquest for the Ogres' end zone, the Sluggers become too zealous and run right past the ladies. The Ogres respond by going around the wall of pus and strange smells, finding Janus in the back... all alone. The Sluggers have no choice but to pull back to the right side, Blitzing Amy Shawarma away and running Janus forward, surrounding him with Warriors. Still nearby, the girls try the good old fashioned "mark the one with the bright light on 'im" strategy. Bichelle Omaha pokes a Warrior to the side and plants herself next to Janus, While Amy and Miley Steambus keep a few other Nurglings busy. Unfortunately, it's not too hard for the Sluggers to shove the big gals aside and free up the ball. With 3 of the Ogres stuck on the northern side, Janus is now rather free to run forward. Empowered by his Rotter-friend's success, Hector the Crippled (Sneaky Git, Dirty Player Rotter) goes to work, smashing his dirty paws on the downed Dame Juicy Drenched's belly. The Ghost of Macho Man randy Savage rushes on to the pitch, carrying nothing but a feather and a giant sack of Ratman Poison. I decide against the use of the poison... . Dame Juicy is wheeled off (MNG). 4 Ogres remain on the field and Paris Killton is the only one who can put some pressure on Janus. The others are simply too far away and surrounded by Sluggers. But what most players would consider a lost fight, Paris sees it as an opportunity to prove herself. She breaks free, taking a Pestigor down on the way and marks Janus once more. As an added Bonus, Backhand II also makes it and puts the threat of Diving Tackle on the Nurgle Ball Carrier. But Raslurbat is unfazed. A Blitz, Paris stays upright but she's moved away from Janus, who simply walks away from the Diving Tackle Gnoblar as if it wasn't even there. Then, disaster strikes once more. Hector gets his 500th Foul off and ends Miley's short career. I call upon the Apothecary once more, our team can ill afford the loss of another Ogre. The Macho Man forces a handful of his Ratman Poison down Miley's throat and it somehow brings her back to life... but she'll never be the same as before (-MA). 3 Ogres remain. Paris does her best to keep the pressure on, constantly breaking away from the Sluggers' bodyguards and getting to Janus. But there's no more love from Nuffle for this half. Double Bone-Head stops her in her tracks. More fouls, blocks and dodges than I would ever dare to try without any rerolls go off without a hitch for our gooey opponent. This must be a side-effect of the Swedish Magic in play, here. The half ends 1-0 for the Sluggers. We set up for our offensive drive, beaten but not yet broken. As long as there's breath left in one of the girls' lungs, we WILL try to punch you. Our plan is to stay a bit further back and play safe. Maybe try and get Amy to pick up the pigskin, but an excellent Kick quickly ruins those plans. The ball falls so close to the line of scrimmage that the Nurgle team can pretty much just pick it up and run for the end-zone once more if they are so inclined. The ladies scramble forward, putting as much meat between the ball and the Sluggers as ogrely possible. Out of necessity, Savage Compliment (Catch Gnoblar) is forced to be the ball carrier. During all that, Bichelle doesn't lose focus and keeps the game-plan in mind: "hurt things!". It's just a Rotter, but we'll take what we can get! The Sluggers don't yield, having removed 10 points of Strength from the pitch in the first half, they are itching to keep the fight going. A few Gors stay back to protect the team from a very unlikely TTM-play. Bone-Head stops Paris from Blitzing and Foul Appearence halts Bichelle on the spot. What was supposed to be a turn where we freed up the Ogres quickly becomes all about the Gnoblars. They scurry, taking up as much space as possible, preventing the Sluggers from reaching Savage Compliment and his precious ball. Raslurbat continues to move his players in, but in doing so he floods the left side for a big foul on Paris. A Stun, thank the Great Maw. We try to move towards the right flank, aided by another removal. Take that, Janus! You sunuvagit! Not so dodgy now, huh? Little moral victories like this are more than welcome. We build a loose cage around Savage Compliment and move to the right side of the pitch, and then we hope for a stroke of luck to carry us forward. Wal-fagors has been waiting in the wings for a while and now it's his time to shine. He Blitzes one of the Gnoblars on the outside and fails spectacularly. + + in to + + . Another turn of relative safety for our ball carrier is achieved. Amy takes a boot to the dome as the Sluggers move back to the middle of the field. Another Stun, good enough for me. A Secondary loose cage gets built as we're unable to simply outrun the Sluggers. Paris also decides that she'll remove Hector from the field, since the referee isn't doing his job (K.O. on the Dirty Player). Again, we're relying on a bad Blitz from the Tackle-Gor. Raslurbat has other plans though, if he can't go through the Gnoblars, he'll go through the Ogres! Bichelle is swiped aside by the Beast and Dathazan Vullgu (Block Warrior) takes his shot. + + in to + + . Bad luck or incompetence, it does not matter. We finally have a little bit of room to move forward. 2 Ogres on the left side can form the protective shield we need to get Savage Compliment past the Sluggers' line. We think about trying to give the ball to Amy once more, but we're dissuaded when she doesn't take down the Rotter next to her. Same deal for Paris, she merely pushes the Gor nearby to the side instead of knocking him down. But we must go forward, pushes or no. Wal-fagors starts moving to the back-field and a failed dodge by the last remaining Rotter sees the Nurgle Team's turn end early. Excellent! Savage Compliment marches forward, accompanied by what's left of the Women with Attitude and he gets surprisingly far... . But alas, it wasn't meant to be. Paris takes a smack to the dome and makes room for Wal-fagors' Blitz on the poor, defenceless Gnoblar. Not only that, the ball scatters right back in to the Pestigor's hands, pretty much destroying every last bit of hope for a recovery play we have left. Amy tries to Break Tackle-Blitz the filthy beast, but it's yet another failure as our streak of 1's on Break Tackle rolls continues. Salt the wound. Wal-fagors sprints for the Ogres' side of the pitch and passes the ball to a nearby Warrior, Stehaz Lornosis (Block, Claw). Stehaz is apparently an Elf in disguise, he catches the pigskin, runs for the end-zone and several GFI's later the match ends. 2-0 for the Slime Pit Sluggers. ----- ----- ----- Straight Up Dawg Time: A painful loss, especially after a very good showing in our first attempt on Wednesday. I knew it was a bad idea to replay a game that went pretty well for me and I probably should have just talked to Raslurbat before arranging the rematch, to see if he'd be willing to accept a 1-1 draw and keep whatever SPP we earned. Oh well, lesson learned, I suppose. Also, a Goddamn shoutout to @Wabbajacked, who showed up in the Stream chat about halfway through the game. He's the coach for the Averland Artillery and you should read his Team Blog because it's dope as hell. Having someone to talk to definitely mellowed me out a little, because from Turn 4 onward, I was just cursing and whining my way through this game. This VOD probably has more profanity in it that all my other ones combined. Lastly (is that a word?), what do you guys think of the longer, fluffier, more-pictures-of-the-game reports? It takes a bit more time, but I enjoy making them. Good game to @Raslurbat. Sorry for being salty during the game and best of luck to him (and me) for future matches.
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