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Orca Cola Championship

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  1. Today
  2. The relevant spreadsheet is updated to here.
  3. Coach name (ingame): Ruszi Team name: Ugly Axe Music Band Race: Orc
  4. You just try and stop me. Bring on more fresh talent! Join us!
  5. Yesterday
  6. I think I just had an epileptic seizure. Someone call an Apothecary!
  7. Don't be shy - we still have never had Ogre or <gasp> 'fling winners! Surely this cannot stand?
  8. Bob staggers around outside the closed bar. God damn it. Someone is going to gamble me something. He starts drinking his flask and challenging random strangers to feats of blood bowl as they walk by. "Hey you in the cab- I bet you my new blitz-ra kills a delf!" "You- you there- come over here and bet me- my total ball control stat will beat yours by 3%- I bet my House!" "If say 2 guys were close to winning the 2A fouling title, would anyone like to say, place a relevant wager?" BET ME
  9. Last week
  10. Hey, Nes, you can still come to the match, tickets and pupcorn are on me. I have a better record against minotaurs than elves, anyway.
  11. Dogbert watched Nes turn to start to walk away. The giant minotaur charges towards him again. A flicker of fear crosses the elf's perfect complexion, then he feels himself being lifted up in a giant hug while Dogbert starts laughing. "Nes and Dogbert will be friends forever!" Dogbert was practically swinging the high elf around, immune to the winces as the elf's battered body is still aching from being slammed.
  12. Season 10, Match Day 8: ...When Hell freezes over. Game result page HERE! DISCIPLES OF DEATH VS WOMEN WITH ATTITUDE You'd think that someone named @King Kill would be the worst coach you could possibly face, especially when he's playing Chaos. But it turns out that this man is just a big, cuddly fluffball underneath all that armour. The Women with Attitude were a little scared going in to this one for a few reasons... . The Disciples of Death bring a few giant-slayers to the table: Brute d'Bad, a Claw, Piling On, Jump Up Minotaur. Mean d'Machine, a Block, mighty Blow, Claw and Piling On Chaos Warrior. And they don't lack any ball-handling abilities either: King Kross, Dodge, +AG, Block, Two Heads, Stand Firm Chaos Warrior. Morker, +AG Chaos Warrior. Bullseye, +AG, Beastman. To top it off, the Inducements provided are a Wandering Apothecary, a Bribe and some Bloodweiser Babes. It looks like King Kill isn't too confident in his Warriors' ability to stay in one piece. The game starts off a little wonky as the girls choose to receive, since there's no Wizard, but the referee thinks we're better off kicking for some reason. Guess we'll deal with that, sure. The Disciples get to go first and here's where the lack of Guard comes in. Craznogors (Tackle, Mighty Blow, Jump Up Beastman) takes a stab at one of the Gnoblars and doesn't manage to take him down, so we Side Step one square to the left, preventing any assists on the Line of Scrimmage. To salt the wound a little more, Brute d'Bad fails his Wild Animal check and a reroll. Nuffle makes up for it a little with some good red dice, causing Dame Juicy Drenched and Paris Killton to take a dive but at the end of the turn, nobody got injured. The gals get a few hits in too, but most of our turn is spent trying to stand in the way of several Beastmen, making their way down town, walking fast, faces pass on the right flank. King Kill switches it up immediately and moves back towards the middle, attempting to juke around the Ogres but the Bone-Heads aren't showing so we're able to keep up. Thinking he's safe and sound, King Kross GFIs his way down the left flank, forgetting that Bichelle Omaha has all the tools to take him out. Bichelle Break Tackles right up against the Chaos Warrior and Juggernauts him off the pitch, causing the ball to be thrown in right in the middle of our side of the field. Most of our Ogres are tied up but we do manage to get 3 Gnoblars around the pigskin before the end of our turn. It's not enough, unfortunately, a Blitz and a hand-off later the Disciples get the ball to Craznogors and he runs it in for the first touchdown. Turn 4 ends, 1-0 for the Disciples. With 5 turns remaining, we field White Dragon and get ready to toss that sucker in for the equaliser by the end of the half. Amy Shawarma and Dame Juicy injure 2 Beastmen on the Line of Scrimmage, immediately cutting a big chunk out of the opposing team and forcing one of the Apothecaries to come out and save one goatman. Ellen Rip-You-A-Part-Ley makes it a clean sweep, pounding the last victim in to the ground right before White Dragon secures the ball. Brute d'Bad Blitzes in to Bichelle and Piles On, not even breaking armour, forcing multiple Beastmen to surround to fallen Mino to prevent a foul. The gals shuffle to the left, hoping to get ahead thanks to the commitment on Bichelle. It turns out we underestimate Brute's commitment to Blitzing every turn, though, as he gets right up and rams in to Paris, Piling On to turn a K.O. in to a Stun. Terrified of King Kross' ability to dive in to any cage, we huddle up all the way on the left flank, moving forward ever so slowly. King Kill doesn't go for it and instead moves back on to his side of the field, forming a tiny screen of Chaos, with King Kross holding up the back field. By the time turn 8 rolls around, the Disciples are in full retreat, covering the left side of the pitch but leaving the right wide open and after a couple of failed attempts at putting the hurt on a few of the Disciples, Lennifer Jaw-Rends puts her Strong Arm to use and gets White Dragon far enough down field to score right before half-time. 1-1 at half time! The second half starts off pretty good seeing as we're now outnumbering the Disciples and it's once again our turn to receive. A Touchback also gets the ball right in to Lennifer's hands, removing any risk of a failed pick-up. We don't break as many bones as we did the last time, however and even our Blitz gets lost to a Bone-Head, but we got the ball and we're ready for our offence! King Kill doesn't waste any time and by the end of his turn, almost all of his players are based against ours. The girls fight hard and manage to pull back a little, keeping Lennifer safe. There's no getting away from King Kross, unfortunately, and the Warrior Blitzes in to Lennifer for the uphill block, but gets unlucky and goes down (+ in to +). History repeats itself as the ladies find another safe spot for the ball, followed by the uphill Blitz. This time, King Kross manages the takedown and stuns Lennifer in the process. A couple of GFIs later, he's got the ball in his dodgy hands. Have no fear, Ellen's here! Our Star Player Tackles the opposing Super Star to the ground and Hot Karl III catches the pigskin on the bounce, allowing us to build a sideline cage once more. King Kross doesn't go for a third attempt, instead, Brute d'Bad wastes the Blitz and a reroll while the rest of the team piles in once more. However, with multiple players committed to the mid-field, our sideline-cage has the chance to move up quite a bit as a few Gnobbies and Ogres stay back and hold up several players. Dame Juicy even manages to kill Urak (rookie Chaos Warrior) right after Ellen K.O.'s Craznogors, removing 2 more players from the field. The Disciples catch up quickly, downing Lennifer while they're at it so we feel forced to try and run for it. Since we've got several Ogres pretty far forward, the only real threat is King Kross. King Kill is still keen on getting Brute some SPP and he finally manages to cause a casualty on an Ogre. Amy goes down hard, but the Apothecary manages to save her from a Niggling Injury. Then comes the inevitable Blitz by the Two Heads-Warrior, who makes it without even breaking a sweat. Hot Karl III bites the dust 5 squares away from the opponent's end zone. We're not without any back-up, thankfully and White Dragon swoops in to grab the ball after Dame Juicy Juggernauts King Kross away from the oval. It all comes down to this. We manage to get Ellen next to the dodgy-man while we surround him with every player we have left, hindering his final Blitz for the ball-carrier as much as we can. Nuffle smiles upon us as the first dodge fails and Ellen prevents the reroll, causing an instant Turnover. White Dragon runs it in for the 1-2, securing our victory! ----- Not having any Guard on the team and the focus on the Minotaur is definitely what gave the ladies an edge in this one. Especially since Brute wasn't very good at actually causing Casualties. Still, King Kill was a lovely fellow and he was a lot of fun to play against and to talk to. So in honour of him, here's a compilation of every time Brute d'Bad used Piling On during our game!
  13. (how can I even be mad or angry when this is so funny? Nes should be upset but nope ) "Im sorry that I dissapointed you all. But most, I dissapointed myself." Nes lower his head and wipes a tear from his face. "And I hope you all can see that I at least have changed. From that arrogant high elf that thought that money was all, to what I am today, a friend to you all. Im really sorry for my earlier behavior. Right now Im just happy to have experienced this and that it made me change into a better me." Nes looks up at Lennifer, Lenny and Dogbert. "If its ok for you, I would be really happy to pay for the wedding and a honey moon. Its the least I can do."
  14. Episode 8 Addendum: From the bushes crept one of Nes' Servents. "I'm sssorry, massster. We have failed you! We thought to lock away the opposssition so you could win the competition for sssure!". The creepy crawler made his way to his master's feet, groveling before his Elven Lord. Nes, still recovering from being hit by a Goddamn Minotaur, felt betrayed. Not only did his Servents go behind his back, they actually thought he would lose a contest of any kind? PREPOSTEROUS! As the Elf Lord got back on his feet he realized that over the course of the competition, he may have gone a little soft. His confidence and natural High Elf cockiness had made way for sympathy, camaraderie and... fair play. How did he go from this: To this: In order to save face and cling on to whatever High Elf-pride he had left in his body, Nes kicked the Servent in the face and turned around to face Lennifer and the Handsome Coach. "I... yield." he coughed. "I am no longer worthy of this Ogress' love. I have gone from a stoic competitor to a bumbling fool. The shame of having my Servents step in without my knowledge has made me realize that my insides have gone smooth and soft, much like my fair, white skin. I will go back to training with my kin and I will become the grandest Catcher this land has ever know. And after I've grown older, more handsome and more experienced, then I will be worthy of a good woman's love. No... the BEST woman's love." Nes held his head high, turned back around and started walking away, sure that he would become the greatest player in all the land. On his way out, he slipped the backstage-pass in to Dogberts trunks. A token of kindness for a new friend. Lennifer waddled over to Dogbert and picked him up from off the ground. She carried the big lug inside, to recover from his imprisonment. "Looks like yer back in, big boy" she whispered in his ear, "See ya at the game!". It looks like @Fantus will be one of our finalists after all! @brocCooLi, give our regards to Nes and let him know that we wish him the best. It's probably better like this because having two Elves in the final would just be silly!
  15. Season 8 starting by the end of the month, sign ups and rules here: https://goo.gl/forms/9S2SPModBbEQERP52
  16. It's a Lizardman Servant, also knows as a Serpent Servant, also known as a Servent.
  17. "Dogbert!!!!" Nes exclaims in a frightful shriek. "I would never do that to you! Never! You have to believe me!" Nes looks with panic on Dogbert and then Lennifer and back to Dogbert. "Yes I invited you to my house to talk and have some chill time, and yes I gave you drinks. But I didnt do this! After the last drink was served my servent had me pulled away for some silly stuff that he said was very important. And when I came back you were gone! My servent said you had just left. I didnt know this!"
  18. I’ve already voted for all of them. Good luck choosing a winner!
  19. go here and get voting to show your appreciation for the hard work your fluff team put in this year!
  20. *steps over Dogbert's body* The honour to bring this to a climax on the field... I will not disappoint you. Erm. Was mentioning cold feet a joke about the lack of hair? If so, awesome. Apothecary!
  21. First there was a shriek in the distance. Followed by more gasps and then screams. The crashing sound was all around the studio and a torrent of people were running past Lennifer and the two remaining contestants. The camera's were all still on, and the shows editor saw a bloodied and bruised Dogbert charging forward. He quickly ordered the crew to start filming. You can't buy a good mauling that is live on TV! Dogbert's face was full of fury. His head was down and horns up as he charged towards Lennifer, Nes and Lenny. The ground shook. Lennifer braced herself as the appeared to be charging straight in to his beloved.... But at the last minute he turned and slammed full strength in to Nes. The elfs body flew across the studio and Dogbert roared in satisfaction! "Lennifer!! That skinny elf thing had me locked inside his basement!!" Dogbert glared over at the limp form of the elf. "He invited me round for a talk, then gave me some drink, and then I wakes up in a cage under his house!" "I had to wait until tonight when the guards were watching the show to escape, they were all clapping at him getting to the final when I ripped off the door and skewed them all!" The numbers of wounds and cuts on Dogbert gave testimony it had not been an easy battle to escape. "I only wanted to show you my special talent" The minotaur pulled out a small severely cracked set of drums which had clearly not survived the last week. And with that, Dogbert slid to the floor from exhaustion.
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