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Orca Cola Championship
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About This Club

Are you tired of people trying really hard and winning games? Have you grown bored of professionalism, player tips and strategy? Boy, do I have news for you! I'm doing a thing on twitch.tv/c2mc.

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  1. What's new in this club
  2. ....yikes... "Liberate tutemet ex inferis"
  3. *Daemonic Static* Due to technical difficulties, The Bachelogrette: Episode 4 will air tomorrow. *Screaming, followed by more Daemonic Static*
  4. Hans Gruber had used his range of contacts to ensure he had the four gifts required for Lennifer... Something Olde: The Ogreanite Ruby Pendant. Hans had used his contacts in the Altdorf Secret Service to gather intel on where Belladonna’s Raiding Party was based. Belladonna was the psychotic Witch Elf Hans had retired from all raiding in week two. Using Borgman Steelhammer, a Dwarf Mercernary pilot, to stealth gyrocopter him into the base, Han singlehandedly broke into the iron safe of the late Belladonna and appropriated the Ogreanite Ruby Pendant which had been crafted 2400 years ago by a talented Ogre jeweller. The Ruby was the size of a hen’s egg and encased in heavy granite housing – perfectly suited to a woman of Lennifer’s stature. Something New: the keys to Airwolf - A Stealth Gyrocopter. Hans used some of his savings at the Main Bank of Aldorf to purchase Airwolf, a state-of-the art Gyrocopter. This he presents to Lennifer, with a ten year guarantee from Steelhammer. Airwolf will be able to to transport Lennifer anywhere in complete safety and secrecy. Hans has paid for a fully qualified pilot to be Lennifer’s and/or train her in how to fly it. Something Borrowed: a rare Marienburg Silk Handkerchief. Hans had sent word to Solomon Hornberg, the best dressmaker in Marienberg, who had agreed to lend Hans, in perpetuity, a beautiful 2 foot square handmade silk handkerchief fully reinforced with Khemrian cotton. Lennifer will be able to use it for whatever she needs – it has a thousand year guarantee and it is hers for as long as she wants it. Something Blue: Seeing Crystal of "Olga does Ogres." Hornberg had sent word to Hans of a remarkable tiny Seeing Crystal which contained the only (Cabalvision) recording of the legendary unique Blue Movie “Olga does Ogres”. The remarkable tale of Olga, from Kislev, who, when she was too old to perform in the circus, became a Blue Movie star, with one, remarkable film to her credit – "Olga does Ogres." She plays a lost circus performer who, in a state of wild abandon, wanders into the Ogre quarter of Marienburg and takes on Ogre after Ogre in every sexual act possible – she managed twenty before expiring, off camera, from her ordeal. Hans presents this Crystal – a unique piece of Ogre Blue Movie History – to Lennifer. Sincere regards, Hans Gruber.
  5. I know, i looked it up. Still think you trying to bribe your way to the isle
  6. Not quite! The full saying is - 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, a silver sixpence in your shoe' A silver sixpence was old english currency. A lot of people miss off the end of the saying and its fallen a little out of use as modern moneydoes not include a six pence coin anymore. The idea was having money in your shoe brought the couple prosperity!
  7. Hench-Gobbo #3 was deep in thought as he was making his path through the Underworld. He wasn't used to thinking deep thoughts, so progress was slow. "Boar rowing", he muttered. "Burrow wing ...". He shook his head, it didn't seem to make any sense. He had to see The Hag. Hench-Gobbo #3 trotted on, ducking between some shacks, only to emerge in front of another. It did not look special in any way, but that was the whole point. He knocked. "Ooo's out there?" a shrieky voice exclaimed. "Friend of Borke!" replied the Goblin hastily. The door opened slightly. "Borke's not known for making friends. Wha's your business?". "Sorry, Hag! I play for Coach Borke, and he said if anyone could help me, you could." "Aaah, right, that sounds more like th'old git. 'Delegating'. Hah!" The old woman seemed to hesitate. "So wha's your problem, then?" "Is a matter of love. I'm marrying an Ogre, and I need some stuff for the weddin'". Hench-Gobbo #3's explanation was half-drowned in shrieking laughter from the old hag. It took quite a while for her to calm down. She looked at the goblin's earnest face. "Oh, you're serious? Come in then." She sat him down on a stool. "'Right, I do make some potions that can ... make a wedding night better. Let me heat the cauldron." "Nonono!" The gobbo's face turned from green to purple. "Is not that! Is a riddle! I need some old, some new, some burrowed, some blue. I already got the new, here, is a fresh tooth from a Dark Elf I hit last match." The hag inspected the tooth. "Seems fresh to me, good. 's even still a little blood on it." She thought for a moment. "Yes, this will work." She went to a back room for a while, and then came back out, holding a necklace. "This is a good luck charm, very old, been bringing luck to many generations of goblins. You can have this, but you tell Borke that he owes me." The goblin seemed worried. This might not be what the coach had had in mind. But this was for Lennifer, he had to do it. "Ok," he said, "but what is burrowed?" "Tha's 'borrowed', but we're not gonna do that. Stealin' is borrowing for experts. You gonna steal some warpstone, an' then, with this Dark Elf blood, we're gonna turn that warpstone blue. Then we put the tooth in the warpstone and put the warpstone on the necklace, an' then i's all in one, old, new, borrowed and blue. Gonna be lucky AND chemical!" Hench-Gobbo #3 beamed. This was going to be the best wedding present ever!
  8. Still dont see why getting smacked on the so hard that your muscles and bones go stiff needs to be censored
  9. Dogbert was particularly pleased with himself. The four gifts had been one of his favourite tasks, he liked instructions that were clear and he hadn’t even asked for any help from the boss this time! Something old. Dogbert was a 17th generation Dogbert, and his family had been calling first born Dogberts since before Blood Bowl existed. The inheritance was usually either a load of debt or at best some tatty equipment, but his great great grandfather had been given horn caps for winning a Death Bowl Tournament in his youth. The caps were dented and too small for Dogberts horns, but would certainly be a nice pair of earrings for Lennifer. Something new. Boof!!!! The dire wolf may not be a spring chicken, but he was new to Lennifer. And what respectable ogre would not want their own hound walking down the aisle with them? Plus Dogbert had been training him to not bite people unless told. Its was slow progress but Boof had only maimed one person all morning today! Something borrowed. The carriage was the most beautiful he had seen. It was made with the finest wood and steal, the curves and line, the gold tinted rivets. It was a real thing of beauty and with 6 horse power it would be able to carry him and Lennifer without killing the horses! It had taken all of Dogberts limited charm (and a lot of intimidation) in order to borrow the carriage from the local dealership Lambo-genie, but they lived up to their slogan of making wishes come true. He had only borrowed it for the weekend, but was hopeful they could take it for a spin. Something blue. This was the hardest one to find and cost Dogbert most of his savings (admittedly that was not a great deal of money in the first place!). But there was no finer taste than a bottle of Phoenix Fire Wine, its dark blue colour and the fact it burns once opened until drank, made this the drink of choice. No whiskey can cause the warm burn that a good glug of Phoenix Fire Wine does, and being 80% proof adds to the fun! Dogbert’s mum had loved the old sayings and he remembered her saying the ‘something old, something new’ one often. Normally this was of little use in daily life, but Dogbert saw this as a rare opportunity to get a few bonus points as he knew the rest of the saying. It was hard work, but he managed to get hold of a Silver Sixpence and arranged for a local gnoblar to sneak in to Lennifer’s home and hide it in one of her huge shoes. If a job was worth doing, it was worth doing right!
  10. Lennifers vengeance **** had been so **** ***** that ally has learned to keep standing *****!
  11. *The censor literally explodes* Then we will reveal the name this Saturday!
  12. I gotta say, the competition here is a lot tougher than this elf is used to. Damn suitors making me bring my A game. Lucky that's all the game I have. Strap yourself in, Lennifer, here’s this week’s offering. Old. Ogres. Bloodbowl. There’s only one thing that ties all three together, and that’s the Oldheim Ogres. The originals. I present to you a genuine, used Oldheim gut plate, signed by the entire 2475 Blood Bowl winning team. Just messing with the order a bit, next up is the biggest, bluest steak I’ve ever cooked myself. The trick to cooking meat this blue is to rotate it on a spit three times, while looking at a fire 20 metres away. Bonny appetite. Now, I gotta come clean. I already got you something borrowed. Yeah, those lyrics two weeks back? They were borrowed and adapted for you. It’s not that I can’t write bangin lyrics, but I just thought those na na nas were built for you. I’ll write a song for you, don’t worry. The better I get to know you, the better it’ll be. What’s left? Something new, duh. New-duh. Nude. You want me nude? Sure, I can do that. Feast your eyes, pretty lady.
  13. Will the naming of the Blitzer be necessary ASAP or can Lennifer name him in Episode 4 this Saturday?
  14. Mister Natural One-Turner just wants to confirm that previously mentioned rat-ogre was indeed totally random and was not part of his pack.
  15. "Bribe???? I would never bribe my way to true love!" Nes is very upset that the producers accuse him of trying to bribe his way to a better position in the competition. "I will let them know what a bribe is if that is the way they want to play it out!" Nes stomps his feet angry before calming down a bit. "Oh, never mind the producers. Producers, more like shmosucers" Nes giggle at his own wit "I dont have time for them. I have a ogre to seduce." "Ok, lets see. Something olde, my family fortune is quite old and if Lennifer choses me that will be a good gift. Something new, perhaps some diamond necklace, yes, that will be perfect. Something borrowed, hmm.. the summer palace I borrowed, but I cant use that again. If we end up getting married I have to borrow my parents big palace for the wedding." Nes nods for himself. "Something blue... something blue... Oh! My grandmas old engagement ring. It has this big blue sapphire. Perfect! All I need to do now is to get to my money vault and get some money for the necklace and take out the engagement ring." Nes walks to his money vault and put his hand into the pocket where he keep the key. "Whats this? Where is the key? Have i misplaced it? Surely I cant have done that... Someone must have stolen it!" he bursts out before his servent clears his throat. Nes looks at him. "Master, forgive me. But yesterday you almost forgot to eat your lunch. And last week when you was on the date with... Lennifer... you forgot your daily bath. You never forget things like this." the servent says. "Damn. You are right. My love for Lennifer has made my mind play tricks on me. Try to find the key for me." Nes says. "Ok, lets get the other things first and then..... oh no..." Nes puts his head into his hands when he realize that he cant buy a diamond necklace or get the blue sapphire ring because of the missing key. "i'M DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!" Nes cry out. After sulking for several hours Nes finally wipes his tears and starts to think about a new plan. "The team needs a new blitzer after the last one died, Ill give him to Lennifer! She can name him and get him when he isnt fit for the game any longer. Yes, that have to be sufficient. And for the blue... Surely a random skaven or hench-gobgo of some sort turns blue when strangled. And Lennifer like violence. But they are so tiny, a rat-ogre!" Nes smiles. After meeting up with a random rat-ogre and asking him if he liked ogres and getting and angry snarl as answear Nes told him to follow him if he wanted to beat up an ogre. Together with the rat-ogre Nes enters the garden and walks up the steps to meet with Lennifer. "Lennifer, oh I have missed you." Nes smiles and make a small bow. "I have come with four gifts. My family fortune is olde and if we end up together you will take part of that fortune. As for the new thing, if you remember the elf heart I gave you a couple of days ago, my team needs a new blitzer. He will be yours. You can name him if you want, and he will also be served to you when his carrier is over. For the borrowing part, I will borrow my parents palace as the place for our wedding. And lastly, the blue." Nes looks at the rat-ogre that is waiting for the signal from Nes. "I give you this rat-ogre to beat up and strangle. Surely he will turn blue from lack of air. Im highly convinced of that, but Im not entirely sure so you might need to test it." The rat-ogre looks at Nes, first surprised and then angry and then shocked as Lennifers hand hits him over his face and the other hand grab his neck. And the beating begins.
  16. Hold on a minute... . *Whispers in the background* Alright, we're gonna have to censor this.
  17. Ally has heard that Lennifer is trying to become a fierce quarterback and wants to make her arm even stronger than it allready is. He uses this knowledge for inspiration: The olde: S9 Md9. This was the game where Lennifer threw her first actual ball pass. Allyrdr went to Mohovil Klychko (the MVP who got the gameball postmatch) and kindly asked him (by playing left hand right hand with his head) the game ball. the new: Ally took a knitting class and knitted an arm warmer to keep his loves throwing arm warm during the halftime break the borrowed: Ally knows what Lenni needs for that final push to grow a strong arm, so he asked his coach if Lennifer could borrow some of our practice gnoblars, they are bigger and more heavy than the ones we use in games. You may break them btw something blue: Ally takes a deep breath and punches Lennifer full on her left eye (he knows she closes this eye when she aims, so its not bad for her throwing practice). 'A blue eye to remember me by' he says, with tears in his eyes and stands still for Lenni to exact her vengeance blow :0
  18. Although we appreciate free food as much as the next person, please try to stick to the challenge instead of bribing us with delicious Elf-hearts.
  19. Again, weird. Snookie becomes more and more of a prop every week. We are curious where this will end up. Please visit a doctor some time soon. That does not look normal. It's pretty cute, though.
  20. Rat enters the room. He moves more steadily than previously, but also slowly and more catiously. In his small hands he got a big, ragged bag full of something. - My luv, - He starts unwrapping the bag - as You asked i prepared proper gifts for you. First thing is a skull... but not just a regular skull. I quickly grabbed Sid's Vicious head when he was trying to reassemble himself, and made a great spaulder out of it. I wonder how he will be playing without it, but looking at his last performance I assume that he don't need it. Of course he was pretty ancient, so this is the Old part. Next we got fangs of my cousin, who You killed with such a grace on arena, which me and my pack prepared for ya. I made a butifyl necklace out of his teeths. He was freshly killed, so it could be considered as a New part. Last night I have sneaked into the Nes'es house and I have stol.... i mean... borrowed a key to his money vault. You can use it and buy great dress for yourself. And for the last part. Sometimes, when I stop breathing i turn a little blue, so the last gift is me my luv. After this words rat starts to hold his breath. He was able to remain without breathing for about two minutes and collapsed to the floor unconscious. What is strange, maybe because of living within area where warpstone is pretty common, his fur turned blue a little bit when he fell to the floor.
  21. Mads I. Entist wheels in Snookie looking quite his old self, that is to say quite horrible. "Hrrrrrruuuuungh. UUUUURRrrrrrrrrn. RRRRRrrruuuuuuum. GGRRRRRUuuuuuuuum. HRRrrrrrrrunggh... MRRrRrrrrrghhh. BBBRrrrrrrrrnnnngh. Mrrrruuuuurrrm..." Mads clears his throat. "Snookie would like to be the four things brought to Lennifer: First he brings himself, who is Olde. Parts of him are from time untold. His brain has to serve as the New, The old one was eaten by you. The next thing to bring is his ticker Borrowed from a sleeping vicar Last but not least are his veins Blue with occasional stains" Mads bows and then wheels out Snookie.
  22. Nes sneaks up to Lennifer and gives her a small box. "I've heard you like elf hearts. One of the blitzers in my team accidently died in the last game, and I... just let us say, 'convinced' the apo not to help him. I've roasted it in garlic with a hint of thyme. I hope you will enjoy it." Nes gives a small bow and kiss Lennifer on her hand. "To next time my darling Lennifer." he says and departs.
  23. Fancy music plays as an underpaid voice-over artist pronounces "And now, it's time for Episode 3 of... The Bachelogrette". The title appears in big, bulky letters as the image slowly fades in to the familiar garden podium. Gnoblars are seen, scampering about with food and drink, providing Hench-Gobbo #3 with that rare opportunity to bully someone smaller than him. We swoop past the contestants, towards the podium once more, Lennifer's sitting down on a large pile of Rhinox hides. She's obviously exhausted, it's been a busy week. A Handsome Coach steps forward. "Greetings, gentlepeople and creatures. First off, I would like to thank each and every one of you for the work you put in to planning your dates this week. We had brawling, eating, unique acts of violence and even an 80's-style -cleaning up the house- moment. But alas, one of you will have gone through all of that trouble for nothing, as it is time to eliminate another contestant." The Handsome Coach gestures towards the small table with the rock on it and beckons Lennifer to step forward. "Ugh, so tired." Lennifer exclaims as she rolls her eyes and refuses to get up from the comfort of her leather skin-bed. "Bring table here!" she groans. Several Gnoblars painstakingly drag the table towards the hulking Ogre but the rock falls off, hitting one of the Gnobbie-Butlers in the head. The contestants and Lennifer burst in to laughter, Gnoblars are such a silly bunch. After wiping the tears of laughter from her face, Lennifer looks over the small crowd in front of her and speaks up. "All you made very nice this week. Lotsa food, lotsa bruisin', lotsa fun to be had." The camera turns away from Lennifer and starts focusing on the contestants. "Ratman brought me horsie meat and let me hug his friends." "Nes showed me his fancy land." "Me 'n Ally grappled and groped and bounced our gut-plates real good!" "Snookie weird, did not say much. His friend was kinda cute." "Dogbert made me scared but then surprise me real nice.I name our pupper -Boof-, 'cause that the noise he make sometimes." "Lenny let me colour his house any way I want." "Gobbo man got us hurtin' Elves. 'n That is always fun!" "Hans is little squishy, but know how to have good time." The camera switches back to Lennifer, as she suddenly remembers that the ceremonial rock fell off the table earlier. Ogre ingenuity kicks in and she just grabs the table by one of it's legs and hurls it forward. The sound of crunching wood and bone are heard, as the camera pans slowly towards the contestants. "Sid you take me nowhere!" Lennifer shouts out. "Also, you promise guts 'n glory yet you lose to tiny, hairy men!" The Handsome Coach steps back in and calms the obviously spoiled Ogress down a bit. "Now, now, Lennifer. There's no need to throw a table AND be rude, just one will do. Sid, I am sorry, but you are eliminated from The Bachelogrette... ." Soft violin music plays as Sid Vicious II puts himself together again and slowly wobbles out of frame. "All of you remaining contestants!" The Handsome Coach speaks up once more "Your task this week is simple. Chances are that one of you will end up engaged to this beautiful beast for the rest of your life, and we all know what you need for a successful wedding... ." "Something Olde, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue". @brocCooLi, @wismerhill, @Fantus, @Waleed, @Borke, @Rymdkejsaren, @Sliceanddice, @Suido. It is your job to find four objects that fit these criteria! Go out there and search for wondrous things that Lennifer could wear on her person should you win this competition and marry yourself an adorable Ogre! @Mongloom, Sid may have shown great prowess in the first week, but the last episode showed he may have just gotten lucky. You are allowed a final statement, if you so desire!
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